It wouldn't be a proper Monday without a Paula Abdul reference! Thank you guys so much for your support and kind comments/emails regarding my last entry. It was self-indulgent and needed to be said. I did get one comment suggesting that if I was clear on what diet I was on/goals I wouldn't get these comments and again, if you've been reading for any amount of time you will know that I'm still here because I'm inconsistent. 100%. I'm like this in many aspects of my life, not just weight loss. I am consistent with my bad-habits and over eating.
I'm not a professional in anything. I really don't like the idea of being this one person that plugs in doing the same thing every day to then retire and live the life that I want. It makes me sad, but some people love the structure, control and security. I love cooking and learning about food, I love creating jewelry and pushing myself to get better, I love designing logos and packaging and banners, I love decorating, this is how I am. The book that has helped me to understand this the most calls it "scanning" pre-war it was more important to be "well-rounded" to have many skills and interests, post-war our society grabs hold of specialists and calls someone like me a flake.
With that said, I've hoped that writing about it here would change that. Maybe I don't take my weight seriously enough, I give myself the option to opt-out when it gets hard. The truth is, to be where I need to be it will take over a year of consistent behavior changes.
The thing that this blog highlights in big neon letters is that I struggle, and the comments here point that out, so I go away when denial sets in. Most people are just like me, they just have their friends and family as an audience. How many of us have declared "I'm dieting!" to family and friends only to see us a couple of months later eat our weight in pecan pie? That's me, 100%.
I know what it takes to lose weight, but my emotions are completely entangled with food. I can trust myself, I know how to eat in moderation, and I do, but then in the back of my head I know that my old habits are always there to rely on. I can always go get a pint of ice cream and eat it in the car.
I truly know deep-down that I will get better. That I will get there. It's just shameful for me to keep hitting the reset button on this blog. Because I do get called out on it, and it's hard to keep coming back with "I've found the answer!" "the new diet!" "the new exercise program!" when it's not about any of that, it's about me. It's about doing it when it's hard, when I'm emotional, when I'm PMSing, when I'm faced with the choice to eat to much or to sit on the couch instead. I'm in a time-continuum loop with losing and gaining and at some point this has to stop.
I hear you. My blog’s tag line includes the words “yo-yo dieter.” I struggle too. I am inconsistent at times. I am taking steps forward and steps back. Some days, like today, I get overwhelmed with the focus on weight and dieting that I get from spending so much time on my own blog and others. Makes me think that for me, I may need to find other things to write about too.
I’m glad to hear that deep down you know you can do it:)
It seems like we have A LOT in common. We both want to get fit and healthier and lose weight, but, like you, I love food, cooking, trying new foods, and I don’t want to spend my life crunching numbers and balancing macronutrients, you know? I eat healthy MOST OF THE TIME, keyword being most. I don’t think there really is any “answer.” I’ve tried, failed, and tried again FOR YEARS. But I know I’m eating healthier now than I ever did, and I know that I am much more fit now than I ever was. I would never judge or call you out on not being 100% consistant. I’m the exact same way, and I think most people are whether they’re thin, fat, healthy, sedentary, etc. We are dynamic characters!
i know exactly how you feel, lorrie. i’ve improved somewhat within the past year, but i feel like for the most part i am just barely squeaking by health/weight-wise. even though i lost a lot of weight before, and i know i can do it again, i am also inconsistent and flaky and because of this i constantly feel like a failure.
i feel like i am just babbling on about myself, so let me just say: you are not alone.
don’t let petty people and discouraging e-mails get you down — you are so much better than that. i am so proud of you and what you have made of yourself and your life. you are an inspiration to me, and it is evident from your positive, loving comments that many, many other people who know you and/or read your blog feel the same way.
i love you, and i know you can do it!!!
as quoted in one of the great films of our time (finding nemo), “just keep swimming!”
Love You! Love your blog! Don’t ever stop!!
I love that you’re a normal girl who struggles just like the rest of us. It comforts me to see that there are others out there who are exactly like me.
Work it girl!
I feel like I’m reading about myself! I can say just from stopping by for a year or so, you are really cool just the way you are! No one is perfect, even those perfect-seeming people. Kudos for finding your own way!
I am exactly the same, that is why I have been trying to focus on one day at a time, taking baby-steps. Eventually those steps add up.
Also, no one is perfect. It is natural to veer off course. Just as long as you do your best to get back on track eventually, taking one baby step at a time, you WILL eventually get to your destination. You’re not on anyone else’s clock but your own, however long it takes.
Diane
I have always thought that if I really wanted to lose the weight, I would take the steps to make it happen (eat better, exercise more). What no one tells you is there are years of habits, identity, comfort in what you eat and thus, who you are. I found your blog awhile ago and loved the honest approach to weight loss.
I have also checked into other ones. Every time I walk away and say, “But I don’t want to be obsessed about counting calories for the rest of my life!” or, “I hate running. I will never be like these women and lose it by running!” And for God’s sake – can we stop calling it a “diet”?! How about “Life Eating Plan”?
I know changing my weight is not just about getting off the couch. It’s about being ready to accept myself with all my flaws *FIRST*, completely understanding what I have to change, and realizing failure is immanent but does not define me. I hope you keep finding a way for YOU… fuck everyone else.
The end.
Bravo. You are awesome (even when having a bad day).
That’s all I have to say.
Ditto what other posters have said. There were several paragraphs that I read out loud to my husband and your written words, have many, many times been spoken by myself. Hey, life’s a journey. Being “perfect” would be boring!
You said losing the weight would take a year of consistent behavior. What if you inconsistently took 2 or 3 years? That time would pass anyway and you’d be where you want to be eventually. You will get there. We all fall off the wagon and get back on. That’s why this struggle is so hard.
You are an inspiration to me whether you are losing weight or not. You keep trying and that is the key.
I’ve been reading the book “Women Food and God” and it really gets into the “whys” of eating. Normally I don’t like “diet books” but this might be one to take a look at. For the first time I am realizing that I’m using food for emotional reasons and it’s slowly sinking in that I don’t need to do that.
Anyway, don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for what or how you write. You are doing a great job!
I totally feel you girl!
I too am not into the whole 9 to 5 controlled, structured thing, because I too am an etsian who pretty much has the freedom to live as I choose….Oh…but the weight issue…hmmmmm
I have a weight loss blog too and stumbled upon yours and think you’re a very brave and courageous person to even blog about your struggle, hats off to you for that. The truth is, you will make your goal and will live out your dream of getting fit, I’m pulling for you! Good luck!
Honestly, I think MOST people who battle weight problems deal with these same issues. If it was so easy to just lose weight, our society wouldn’t have an obesity problem. I can tell you from a readers point of view, someone who deals with the same issues you are writing about, It’s very comforting to know that I’m not the only one. I almost had gastric bypass but after really thinking it over I realized that I need to change how I look at food. I want to control food, I don’t want food to control me, but it’s easier said than done.
It’s so hard to stick to things. But we’ve all got to learn what works for us and what doesn’t. I have got to the point where I just try to keep trying.
My biggest weight gain came about ten years ago when I was sick and tired of always worrying about what I ate, exercising and getting fat. So I stopped & did what I liked. I had the vague idea that if I stopped obsessing it would sort itself out.
Since then I’ve realised it’s something you have got to keep working at.
Always good to read one of your posts.
Dear Lorrie
I think you’re really brave and you’re a fighter for keeping on trying. I’ve struggled with some of the issues you mention in this post and your last one: a lifetime of trying to lose weight and an emotional entanglement with food, to name a few. The hard part about losing weight seems to be that you keep running, but the ground keeps moving under you too! Emotional stuff happens, health stuff happens, family stuff happens, and all the while your comfort eating is being triggered but you’re trying to hold on. As I said, I think you’re very brave for keeping holding on. I truly believe that is the important thing. As you say, you might take a couple of steps back, but (to use a parallel from tennis) you don’t need to win each and every point to win the match. You will find your way, and I hope you find your Resonance. Thank you for sharing your feelings.
Hey girl! Thinking about you today!! I understand where you are and I really would love for you to read “The Beginning” of my blog. It has been such a mountain and valley journey for me, but today is a MONUMENTAL day! Check it out!!!
http://www.extantwoman.wordpress.com
Many Blessings~
Charli
I don’t think you should feel shameful about stopping and starting with your weight loss efforts…that’s how we all are until it clicks. And anyone who calls you out on it…well, that’s just mean-spirited and judgmental. Forget them. Your honesty is what makes me want to keep reading your blog.
Hi girlie! So glad I found your blog. Tons of great info and great posts. I am new to your blog and was curious as to why the thyroid hormone replacements. Sorry I haven’t finished reading your past posts. I am asking because I am battling hypothyroidism andam taking hormone replacements too. Just had my thyroid removed and have gained some weight. I am definitely on a battle against beating this. Anyhow, your blog is really inspiring, and will definitely be back!
Just like AA, you have to take it one day at a time. Hang in there!
I think what you are doing is amazing. I am curently halping my fiance on his path to getting healthy and he is doing weight watchers as well. His goal is not to lose a certian amount of weight but to be in the best shape of his life by the time our wedding is here. He has a blog as well at http://www.theheavymansdiary.blogspot.com. By watching him with his struggles I can get a small picture of how difficult the weight loss process can be. Keep your head up and keep pushing forward. You look gorgeous and I hope you get to your goal. If you have any advice, need support, or would like a listening ear feel free to shoot me an e-mail or comment on his blog!
Sincerely,
Patty
WOW, Lorrie, that was inspirational to read your self-awareness
You are right, it will take a year on consistent behaviour changes. It is the behaviour changes not the next new diet or exercsie program. Ask yourself too, when you lose the weight how long would you like to keep it off for? and will you need to continue to the new bheaviour changes and health eating plan you’ve chosen, to keep the weight off? You CAN do it. I look forward to reading more. Shari Hawkins 
I think you’re in the process. All of this starting again and trying is a part of your journey, and this is the stuff that people don’t like to talk about when it comes to weight loss. I lost 100lbs in 11 months by cooking at home,running (yes, I was one of those), and weight training. But it took me 7 years to get to the point of doing some of the same things you are doing right now to get to the place of actually being able to lose the weight and doing it in a way that made sense for me. Stay in the way of being healthy, it will come.