Hello Monday morning. Its nice to see you. Did you have a nice weekend?
I can't complain about mine. It was busy and I felt like I didn't get enough sleep until Sunday and then we gardened. I planted peas, zucchini, and watermelon. The tomatoes aren't ready for planting yet, and so excited to see the bell peppers (finally) sprouting up.
Gardening is nice to do with your significant other, its fun to watch this thing happen that you did together. Like having a baby. Or not 
I did not do anything productive this weekend (aside from gardening and doing good deeds) to help bring me closer to my weight loss goals. It would be really embarassing for me to write (yet) another post about my decisions and any epiphanies I've had about (still) being fat. It's just silly. I can write a good lot about my procrastination, my inability to follow through, or my lack of consistency and it would be a good read, but where does that get me?
At this point, I can only write about actions and about what I am doing. Not what I plan to do or what I want to do or what I should do. Because writing in a blog about weight loss, and re-losing the same 10 lbs. is kind of fruitless for me and when I feel that other people don't take me seriously, I don't take myself seriously. And we all know where that leads.
Facts: I'm getting married in less than 7 weeks. I weigh 285 today. I am blogging instead of exercising. I have a protein shake chilling in the freezer for breakfast. I washed the dishes (something I hate doing) this morning instead of exercising. I am scared of myself, but know I have control. I always get to decide what happens to me, yet I sabotage myself every single day. When I saw the scale at 280, I ate.
Awww…don’t beat yourself for up trying to lose and re-lose the same weight over and over again. I’ve been struggling with the same 10-15 pounds for YEARS. I’ll lose 5, then I’ll go on vacation or something and regain it then lose it again, etc. My BF lives apart from me right now because of work. He asks how the diet’s going and I say I lost 10 pounds. When he comes to visit me though, I’m always the exact same size. It’s a bummer. I admit I love food! I love to exercise, too, but my love of food kind of negates a lot of that. But just remember that you are trying, you are active (with the gardening and hiking, etc.), you have someone who loves you with or without those 10 pounds.
I definitely know what you are talking about when it comes to re-losing weight. I am in the same crowd with you. And I am for 10 pounds as well which is really easy for an emotional eater like me. It happens to the best of us and I surely do not take you any less seriously. It just makes you … human
. Good luck.
Yay for the garden! I really wish that we had space for a veggie garden. You’ll have to take pictures so that we can see the progress of your “babies”!
As for losing the same 10 lbs over and over…I think its the same battle that a lot of us have fought, so I completely empathize with how you are feeling right now. You know how sometimes its just so easy to lose weight, its as if the starts are aligned, you eat less, excercise more, the pounds come off and it feels great. I wish it could ALWAYS be like that!
I am a lot older than you and still having epiphanies daily…I wish I’d had them years ago, but I didn’t. I find your blog to be inspiring and honest. Really…don’t ever feel silly about a new revelation.
I think one of the reasons I eat after losing some weight (a small amount) is because I don’t feel like a heavy person on the inside so when five pounds drops off and I’m feeling better about myself overall…I feel “fit and normal” and like I needn’t worry about it. Even though I’m still over 100 pounds too heavy.
I remember watching the Biggest Loser a few years ago, it was one of those in-between seasons segments and Jillian was getting helping a woman lose weight for her wedding. The woman had lost weight, but was still quite overweight and yet, she was so excited and referred to herself as “skinny”. Now, most people wouldn’t understand what she meant…but I did, because I’ve felt skinny even if I’ve only lost five pounds…I just have to remember that I’ll feel better if I keep losing.
You can do this. I think you limit yourself too much. On the days that you do good as far as keeping your calorie intake down, you don’t let yourself have much of the food you desire so much. For me, that just makes me want it more.
Gardening is a lot more fun with your husband/boyfriend! And it is a great calorie burner. For me, the time flies when I’m out there (and my garden is small). Wait until you get some veggies and watermelons! Awesome! you will save money and have peace of mind knowing that your veggies are pesticide free. Also, they will taste unbelievably good!
It’s really difficult to lose weight. It’s a struggle that only overweight people can truly understand. It’s the scale for me. Psychologically, it’s the determinant for how I will feel that day and the days after. If I lost 2 or 3 pounds, I hit the snacks, thinking “I lost some weight, I can treat myself…” Losing that frame of thinking was so difficult. Now when I lose those pounds, I think “OK…I’m doing it, still have some more pounds to go, so, Don’t sabotage yourself with the snacks!” It’s psychological for me. I had to retrain my brain more than anything in order to lose the pounds. It’s almost like I pictured myself as a “machine”. It sounds silly, but I told myself that over and over. I exercise every day for at least 35 minutes, avoid any fatty, sweet food whatsoever, and eat more veggies, and fruit. Also, green tea and white tea really seems to help, too. When I hit my goal (which you have to tell yourself that you WILL hit it), then I will slowly allow myself to have a little bit of ice cream, fries, etc. It’s about moderation and being active, every chance you get. It’s going to be up and down psychologically, that’s a fact. But down the road, you will see results, it just seems so uphill right now. I’ve been there.
The most important thing is that you don’t give up on yourself. That is when the real weight gain starts to kick in. I know it is hard to pull up your bootstraps and get back in the ring. I have been there more times than I care to count. I too have been right before my wedding and stress eating. I got married at around 300 two years ago next week. Thank god for good men right! To quote Maya Angelou, “When we knew better we did better.” Don’t kick yourself too hard for past failures. Just focus on the moment because you can’t control the past or future, just this minute. Just know that I am here praying for you to keep going.
My heart is with you-Amanda
Wow. Your wedding is so close.
I got married almost 4 years ago and I stressed everyday that I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t going to be thin for my wedding…
But on the day I didn’t think about it once. I looked beautiful and most importantly I felt beautiful. Everyone gasped and gooed at the right moments and told me that I’ve never looked so stunning.
It will happen at your wedding too. Because we do look our best. That love shines through and really shows.
I wish that for those last 2 months before the wedding that I just enjoyed our last days before getting hitched and stopped stressing about my weight.
I hope you can find some inner peace too. x
honestly, after trying so hard to combat the battle leading up to the wedding…and having dress final fitting, husband suit sorted…. we both felt like the only people who put on weight so close to the wedding…crazy!!! We eat when happy, sad, stressed, relaxed, comfortable, tired etc etc….
still our battle continues – however we both look back at our ‘big’ selves and do believe we looked so beautiful on the day…so maybe size is not all that matters…
I’m right there with you. I saw 283 on Saturday morning and binged all weekend.
How has the blog worked for you toward your weight loss success? I Hate writing and I am breif and to the point but think I am considering writing a blog to keep myself motivated and to have myself think the world is watching.
I’m always so jealous when I hear people talk about their gardens!
I sabotage myself all the time! I can relate to everything you write. I’ve been there. And even 70 pounds lighter than my heaviest, I still deal with the same issues. You’ll get there. I don’t have any doubt about it.
Hi Lorrie, I’ve responded to your blog before, but it was a while ago. Everytime I read your blog it’s like reading about myself.
I know exactly where you’re coming from. Everytime I successfully lose some weight and prove to myself it can be done, it’s like I go into a wierd panic and sabotage all my hard work. Even though I know I can gain 5 lbs in like a week, but it might take 2 1/2 weeks to take it off.
I’d like to think that this time is different though. You know why? Because I’ve hit a wall. I’m so freakin sick of being fat, it’s making me ill and ruining my life. I just turned 31 and I have a sense that the best years of my life are passing me by.
I hate the fact that I love clothes and fashion, yet I don’t look good in anything I like because I’m just too fat and self conscious. Not to mention the fact that what I tend to like is not even made for larger ladies. This then makes me not want to go anywhere or do anything or take pictures.
I could go on, but I think you know where I’m coming from. Anyway, I’ll make one last point: the straw that broke the camels back for me was I really would like to be a mom but I don’t feel comfortable actively trying to conceive at my current weight (280 lbs). A) I live in the UK and it seems like every 5 days there’s something in the media about obese pregnant women and medical problems causing a strain on the NHS B) My weight is causing low self esteem, which is having an affect on my sex life and C)If I’m uncomfortable with my current size, I don’t think adding a baby bump will boost my confidence.
Now, I’m making a change for myself and my future and hopefully for my baby. I figure it is hard, it’s going to be hard, but not as difficult as it would be if I’m 40, divorced and childless, cradling a snickers bar for dear life.
Just a bit of food for thought. Wishing you well…
Give yourself a little credit for gardening! That is activity that requires stretching, bending, etc. Plus you are investing in eating healthier this summer.
Stop with the self sabotage and start thinking positively. Are you going to be a size 4 by your wedding? No. But can you feel good about the direction you are heading? YES! So move in that direction.
I have this problem and I thought that I was the only one! Every time I loose a significant amount of weight I sabotage it! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!!!
This is so me! I’m on-line looking up stuff about WW and blogs on weight loss, which is how I found you. I keep saying… I can do this on my own and then the kids want a trip to McDs or a donut or a milkshake or a… well, you get the picture.
I’m going to keep reading.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you hope you’ll do the same for me!
This used to be me. I still hate to exercise but I do it. I don’t like going to those high-end gyms because the whole “look at my body” scene still freaks me out and makes me feel inferior. But I do exercise every morning – first thing. I walk my dogs. Simple. Clothes on, shoes on, leash up, and out the door. It takes me 50 minutes to walk both sets (we have 4) but I do it. It helps my arthritis. And it keeps my head quiet – I’m not beating myself up all day because I didn’t do something I know I needed to. It took me a long time to get here, and every now and then, I have to talk myself into it. But I took the debating committee out of the picture and just do it.