Mockingjay was released today and unfortunately that means a 35 minute drive to the nearest bookstore. Josh suggested that we eat Chinese while we were out to make it worth the trip for him us.

Chinese buffet. Can it be done? Can I control myself with never ending egg rolls, ice cream, fried rice and pepper chicken? It's totally possible!

My plate:

*Please keep in mind that I'm not a nutritionist nor am I condoning a certain way of eating to lose weight or be healthy. This is for my own tracking and accountability.

Here's what worked for me:

1) Go when you're hungry (try not to be starving)

2) Allow yourself one plate. One trip to the buffet.

3) Get what you truly want. If you really like general tso's chicken get a couple of bites rather than a cup. Try to get a few items that you know to be lower in calories (steamed vegetables, sushi, fruit etc.) to fill up 1/4 of your plate regardless if you eat it. Stick to small samples of everything you want without overlapping food.

4) Eat slowly.

5) Drink water. Lots of water.

6) Enjoy each bite, make a mental note if you actually like what you're eating or if you think you should because it's fried. Stop eating if you don't like it.

7) When you're full, put your fork down. Drink water and breathe. Feel satisfaction from your meal and enjoy your company. Put your napkin on your plate and push it away from you to signal that you're finished.

This is where I stopped:

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Let me start by saying that I don't like cantaloupe. It annoys me. It's the cheap filler in fruit cups. So when I passed a bin of locally grown ones at Harvest Moon yesterday I surprised myself by putting one in my cart. Maybe it will taste better?

Nope still cantaloupe. Although fresh and juicy I feel like it wants to taste better, the taste is muted to me. I can't explain it. Josh seems to enjoy it, but I was struggling. Justifying each bite with "it's good for you".

What am I going to do with it?

I cut some up and put it in the freezer with the hopes that I can make a nice smoothie with peaches. Any other ideas?

I loved the rest of my breakfast though. Two slices of bacon, eggs with spinach and mushrooms and half of an onion bagel with unsalted butter.

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What does the title mean? It means that I finally decided to do Couch to 5k . I tweeted and Krissie delivered. Her post about how to get started was very informative and helpful.

I needed a fitness goal, so when she mentioned that she would be running the half-marathon in November in Huntington (my old college town) I thought to myself "I should do the 5k". That was two months ago. What have I been waiting for?

The 5k isn't my main incentive for starting this, it's motivation to start doing something...anything. I need a goal to work towards because "I should exercise because I need to lose weight, get healthy and feel good" apparently is not enough to pry me away from my to-do list and just do it. Having a schedule in my mind, is a no excuse zone. When Josh is involved there is even less excuse.

Yesterday afternoon I headed out on a mission: get a better sports bra, a stop watch and (totally unrelated) sunburst mirror for my studio.

Day One: 20 minutes. 5 minute brisk walk followed with 60 seconds jogging and 90 minutes walking, alternating the two.

It was 7pm. I put on my new bra (a tight xl mind you), exercise pants, baggy t-shirt, old sneakers and we were off. The walk started out up the hill on our road, I was panting. This is hard, I can do it, this is hard, I can do it. I am fat. This is hard, my legs are weak. I'm breathing heavy. I'm sweating. 5 minutes is up. Jogging begins. Downhill. I'm flying. My legs are moving at a pace I'm not familiar with. They feel okay, my breathing catches up. I'm still going. Somehow I'm jogging. I'm okay.

Round three of 60 second jogging and I'm moving in a fast shuffle, flailing my arms around saying to josh or me or the universe "I'm still going! I'm moving!". He yells from ahead "20 seconds left" "okay, I'm doing it, I'm moving" and then walking. Relief. It repeats and before I know it we are finished and headed home. 24 minutes total. Walking fast and jogging.

It was not pretty, it wasn't fast, but I pushed myself. I thought of Krissie, I thought of my future, I thought of myself doing this. I just needed to start somewhere, no perfect situations, no right times, not the right anything. Just put on your shoes and go outside. I need to believe that I can do this, and I do. Day two is Wednesday.

******

Eating.

Six weeks ago I started reading Women, Food and God with Josh and we're still only halfway through. The content is heavy and if you're open and ready, it will change you. Not overnight, and not without constant reminder. Roth speaks a lot about what we use food for: comfort, happiness, contentment, nostalgia, fear, sadness, joy, everything that we believe about our selves and our lives can be found on our plates.

It's a lot. And it couldn't have come at a better time. I will never diet again. Ever. Hear me blog? I am no longer a dieter. How scary and relieving is that statement? Scary because- does it mean I've resigned myself to being fat? No. Relieving because I have been using diets as a crutch. My diet tells me what to eat, what I should eat, what I shouldn't eat, when I should stop eating, when I should start. When my diet doesn't allow me to eat chocolate cake I can eat 2 slices today and always go back to diet tomorrow. Dieting gave me hope and direction. It was something I could trust when I couldn't trust myself. I punish myself with dieting as much as I punish myself with food. Balance was lost.

When I diet, it is either all or nothing. I have restarted more times than I can remember. I binge and say "tomorrow I will be better", "tomorrow I will diet", "tomorrow I will starve", "tomorrow I will only have protein shakes", "tomorrow I will only eat 1,200 calories". Tomorrow came, and sure I may lose ten pounds here, or 20 pounds there, but I set myself up to fail because I was looking to food to solve every problem I have. Fat being one of them.

I will lose x pounds by x date. Every year, like clockwork I need to lose weight by a certain time. I never do. I never will.

So what happens when you need to lose weight, but you stop dieting? You learn to listen to yourself, and it isn't always pretty. Sitting with the desire to overeat is painful and uncomfortable when you've depended on it for so long. If you're looking for food to do anything outside of nourishment, you will fail, every time.

One sentence that I repeat to myself every single day "if you eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full, you will naturally lose weight" every day. In and out. Many days I follow this, and occasionally my old habits sneak right back up on me.

So what is HUNGRY? When am I full!? I fear hunger and I think a lot of us with weight issues do. We fear the next meal, we order familiar meals at the same restaurants knowing it will a huge amount of food, we fear missing a meal or an opportunity to gorge (because we have to diet again tomorrow, right?), but food is not going anywhere. If it does, we will be okay. It is okay to get hungry. I tell this to myself every day. I will not die if I miss a meal. I can get by on less.

What is full? I always thought that full was a feeling of pain, but then I realized that it is the absence of hunger. The absence of hunger.

I'm not micro-analyzing every meal anymore. Am I getting enough fiber, vegetables, protein, fruit, folic acid? I trust that I will lead myself to spinach when my body needs it, or a banana or cheese or tomatoes or whatever else.

So how do I stop eating when I'm full but the food is delicious? I still haven't mastered this. Over the weekend while painting I got hungry and asked Josh to go to subway for sandwiches. I had a foot long and without realizing it I ate the whole thing. It wasn't the end of the world and made note that next time I will put the second half in the refrigerator as soon as I get home. Sometimes it just hard to stop and we have to know that about ourselves.

Instead of saying to myself "oh no! I ate the whole sandwich, no dinner for me!" I let it go. I said to myself "eat again when you're truly hungry and stop when you're full".

We had mexican food on saturday. I sat down and ate about seven chips with salsa, I wasn't counting or restricting, just being slow and mindful. My giant burrito came and I opened it up and ate about half of the content (carnitas, salsa, cheese, avocado, lettuce etc.) and then I felt myself go into over drive. I starting breathing and counting. I stopped to think, to readjust. No judgment. I just needed to check in. I was full. I covered my plate with my napkin and I was okay with the decision to stop eating.

I'm okay with not racing to weight loss anymore. I know the finish line is there and I'm okay with knowing it will take a year or two instead of months.

Follow me on twitter: @thetokenfatgirl

You can download and print your own menu here: Printable Weekly Menu

What's on your menu this week?

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Pretty much every Friday this summer has been spent at the Artisan Market here in Floyd. I love it, and come November I know I'm going to miss it. In it's absence I will be able to pick catch up with my slightly empty Etsy shop.

This is how we get down at the Artisan Market:

By taking crazy face photos of ourselves when things get slow:

And when things get really out of hand we eat chicken curry wraps from Oddfella's:

Not the best one I've had. The chicken was tough and the pasta salad was not as dilly as I like. Is dilly even a word?

My camera died at some point in the evening, but I also consumed 3/4 of a strawberry slushy (which was basically strawberry milk), one glass of red wine, and a few more tomato crackers when we got home.

I really tried to focus on eating only when I was hungry. I didn't need, nor  want the strawberry slushy. I think I would have been more content with a quarter of a chocolate chip cookie.

********

Today is Saturday! Do you have any exciting plans for the day? It's beautiful here. We have a date with Home Depot after I shower and get ready to pick out paint for both of our studios. I'm redecorating/organizing my studio today, more about that here: www.beautifullayers.com.

I also have jump rope, cleaning, blogging and article writing on the schedule.

Follow me on twitter: @thetokenfatgirl

Is it lunch or is it a snack? Either way it was delicious. Back to Nature harvest whole wheat crackers, yellow tomato left over from breakfast and pinches of mozzarella. Sadly that was my last leaf of basil.

I may or may not have had two plates of these.

Back to work I go! I've got lots of jewelry to make and package before the Artisan Market this evening.

Or on this episode of Pimp My Earth Grains Sandwich Thin...

Always inspired by the lovely Jen at Simply Breakfast. On my sandwich: local yellow tomato, bacon, Earth Grain sandwich thin (100% whole wheat), mozzarella, local fresh basil, and local egg. And water. This is the sort of breakfast that will leave me full for hours.

(Not pictured: the strawberry SoyJoy bar I ate as soon as I woke up (not their best flavor).

What are you guys eating for breakfast today?

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(click images for links)

Cardigans at YOOX
Satchels by Urban Outfitters

Yellow and gray seems to be popping up everywhere lately so I couldn't resist making a themed inspiration board dedicated to the colors, hope you like it!

(click image for links)

Flats by Oxford
Satchels by Topshop

I'm on a roll! Someone call Intervention! I used to watch Felicity in high school and college and always admired Keri's laid back style. Here is my inspiration photo:

(image via www.theskinnywebsite.com)

(click image for links)

Plus Tops by Sandra Ingrish
Bracelets by Kate Spade

I've been getting JCrew catalogs for as long as I can remember and have translated a lot of their outfit ideas into my own wardrobe. Here is my inspiration for this outfit:

(image:www.jcrew.com)