Didn't I talk about being sore the other day? Well, here I am talking about being sore again. Except this time, the soreness is on a totally different level. I'm walking much like a penguin today, side to side.
We made a last minute decision to go hiking up the cascades yesterday afternoon. The weather is so incredible this weekend, so why not? So many lessons learned.
First, walking in nature is so much different than being on an elliptical machine or treadmill, especially if you are going towards a destination. A 2-3 mile upwards hike to see an incredible waterfall doesn't give you a chance to just stop going when it gets hard. You just have to keep going. My sabotage brain was kicking in big time as we made our way up.
I had to make frequent breaks, I was huffing, sweating and generally having a hard time. I couldn't get off the trail, I couldn't and didn't want to go back. Keep going, keep going. I felt like a contestant on the biggest loser trying to win in order to get my phone call home. The sites were incredible the entire way. Giant boulders, green moss, rippling waters that you could literally touch. Everything was breath taking. We made it to the top right past the last bolder and thats when the hike up is most worth it. All those rocks that you have to avoid, or climb over are totally worth it when you see this waterfall. The pictures don't compare. I forgot about my pain, and weaknesses and cried.
I cried because it was beautiful, I cried because I made it to the top and I cried because it wasn't easy for me. I realized how many things that I miss out on, how many experiences I keep myself from because of my weight. I could have easily opted to stay home, blog, sit in front of the tv, and probably would have if it wasn't for Josh. It was real life up there, everything was vibrant and alive and it reminded me of how deadened I allow myself to be. How much I've avoided movement and what exactly I could miss out on if I didn't push myself to the top. If I weighed much more, if I was just a little be less in shape, it would have been impossible.
I sabotage myself and my brain was reminding me of that as I hiked up every single hill. "this is too hard!" my brain screamed to stop, but my body kept moving, I had no other choice. I do this all the time, not just when hiking up mountains. I do this when anything is too hard, I want to give up and climb back down never to give myself the chance to see the waterfalls at the end of a hard journey.
I needed to do this, metaphorically and literally. I needed to do something even though it was hard because lately I've been doing the minimum out of fear.
Fear of never reaching the waterfalls, so I never give myself the chance. I just give up when my brain screams to stop. But, seeing this has helped me to see that I can do what I need to do to be happy, I just have to give myself permission and keep going.
A better attitude and a lot less complaining wouldn't hurt either. I can't say the trip down was much easier, in fact it was way harder. We took the hard trail back down, going the wrong way at a fork. This path was indescribable and defiantly for a much more skilled hiker, someone way fitter than me. It was filled with rock steps. Thousands it seemed, winding down the mountain only wide enough for one person. Rock mountain on one side and rushing waters far down on the other side. I still have no idea how my legs kept going. I was shaking, tired, and scared and it was getting dark very fast. Two miles felt like ten.
Today I am so sore, more sore than I've ever been. All movement is a huge task today, even sitting on the toilet hurts, but I still would do it again if given the choice to stay home instead.
I'm going to make myself proud, every single day I'm going to do something that will make me feel proud the next day.
You rock! I’m so, proud of you! The mind is such a freaky thing - playing tricks on us. I’m glad that you powered through and made it to the top. And to be honest, you looked pretty damn cute doing it. I love the braids! Congrats!
WOWOW - very inspiring post.
congratulations on completing the hike and not giving up.
also congrats on riding your emotions out and allowing yourself to enjoy the beautiful waterfall at the end of the journey.
you deserve this all the time.
oxo.
Dude I’m SO PROUD of you!
Good job!
I live where there is plenty of hikes and I never would take the opportunity due to being afraid of working hard out of my comfort zone.
Not this summer, you have inspired me to take advantage of the nice days to take a hike.
Now if the weather can just warm up past 30 degrees…..
Wow - that beats walking on the treadmill by a long shot!
Beautiful post. I am so proud of you! Love ya girl!
Great Job! So inspiring, and the pictures are awesome!
Lorrie
This is an awesome post. You are really growing as a writer! So proud of you.
Woohoo!
:))))))))) this makes me very happy! well done! i hope you realise how inspirational you are.
How awesome! Our minds definitely trick us into thinking we should stay away from whatever seems too hard. I know the feeling so I am extremely proud of you for making that hike and I know you felt proud when you saw that waterfall. Congratulations!
Love the pics! AND your hiking outfit! That’s the great thing about living in VA—the hiking
Have you been to Skyline Drive? I don’t know if that’s far from you, but it’s gorgeous there, too. There are tons of trails there. I recommend Old Rag Mountain, but I must warn you you CAN NOT be afraid of heights!
Kudos to you! I went to school at VA Tech in the Burg’, so I have been up to Cascades. I was able to hike it (thought not easily) as a college student, but would fear now I just wouldnt be able to make it. I am so proud of you for not giving up and pushing yourself on. It really is a beautiful hike. You are an absolute inspiration!
I almost cried when I read the part about you crying. I’m so proud of you. You continue to be an inspiration!
Congrats!!! I had a very similar situation. My boyfriend wanted to go hiking and so we went….but I thought I would never make it but once I got to the top it was all worth it. Not to mention it opened my eyes to what I am missing out on…thank you for sharing. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Lorrie!!! You rock!
The pics you took are beautiful and you are so inspirational! I recently weighed in only to discover I am the heaviest I’ve ever been (with the exception of when I was pregnant with my son). Its devestating to realize I am here, unhappy and miserable and fat… again… and that its all my doing. I want to just say “oh well. Im fat.” but your journal is inspiring!!!
I wish I could have afforded to do your curvy girl workshop- I can imagine how helpful having regular contact with you would be!
Keep pushing forward!
You’re doing awesome and your keeping me in check!
Go go go!
That hike looks totally worth it! You live in such a beautiful area.
Congrats on completing the entire hike!
Oh, how I could have written this post. It is amazing (and sad) how much I miss out on because of my weight…and the mind games. Your post is so inspiring…and really motivates me to keep climbing that metaphorical mountain ahead of me…
This was me last October, as my husband and I went to hike Zion Canyon. You captured the experience far better than I ever could, and you accomplished far more on your trail than I did on mine. You conquered so much more than a mountain that day. Bravo!
I know we all need to loose weight to be healthy, but you are truly beautiful. I hope you get everything you want in this life.
xoxo lisa mac
Awesome job! That is a tough climb!!! My dad used to make us do the Cascades when we were kids. I hated it at the time, but would love to do it now. Funny how things change as you get older. I would never have pictured myself as enjoying hiking back then.
I think you’re doing great. I’m just starting to get back into shape (my goal is to get down to 200lbs from 225). I think outdoors hiking and jogging is much more useful than those ridiculous meat market gyms.
Keep going! I think what you’re doing is great.
I just wanted to let you know that 1) you are absolutely beautiful. 2)I wish that I had the moxi you have. 3) I don’t know you, but wish you the best happiness that your intentions can bring.
-HB