It's pretty bad when your husband asks you daily if you've updated your blog. And every day you keep adding it to your list of things to do. Since when did updating my blog become a to-do list item? For me, the to-do list is a place where tasks I really don't want to do go and hide for weeks on end.
While at BlogHer I had a chance to talk to Krissie and Fat Bridesmaid about why I haven't been blogging and never came up with a definite answer aside from losing direction. But now I'm convinced it is my lack of direction that is making it hard to keep coming back.
I am doing (to me) blog worthy stuff. I am pretty much primarily buying local food, I haven't eaten meat in a month (today!), I'm still training for a 5k at the end of the month, I've been making effort to wear cute outfits and yet the elephant in the room? I am still fat. I have fluctuated and maintained this weight for 2 years now. Yesterday I got on the scale: 273.
Sure, I haven't gained. And can perhaps say that I know how to maintain weight without gaining significantly, at least at this weight. And sure I don't weigh my old 315+ of my post West Virginia days, but where am I going? What are my new goals?
I feel like I want to take a big hose to this whole thing and start afresh with new focus, excitement, and dedication.
WHO AM I BLOGGING FOR? Is the question that lingers and I ask myself a lot. A question that came up a lot during BlogHer. If I have a weight loss blog, yet have not lost blog worthy weight in over two years, what in the world have I been blogging about?
The life that still continues to happen, despite still being fat. Its true, I am still fat. And yet, I feel different than I did two years ago. I'm completely changed by blogging and by refusing to stop living my life because I haven't reached goal weight. Acceptance? Settling? I don't know.
Here is another fact. I have been doing some form of dieting or trying to lose weight in endless cycles and I know that if I had said two years ago "if I just focused on my health, eating better, moving more, rather than the number on the scale, rather than the next event coming up" I would not still weigh 273.
I keep waiting for the time in my life that I won't be too busy to take care of my health. A time when the dust has settled and planning for the next something has stopped. Guess what? That time will never come. I've come to realize that this is the action chapter of my life, and a good thing too, right? I have something planned almost every weekend until January. I've got a list of projects I'm working on, ideas I'm formulating, things I'm learning. It is all very fun and exciting and isn't going to stop any time soon so that I can "focus on losing weight."
I want to go back to the basics around here, blogging food, updating weight loss, talking about what I've learned, sharing outfit ideas etc. with the new twist of not following a new diet (other than the one of going back in time food-wise, and my deep interest in this) or trying to be x amount of weight by x amount of time. That isn't to say I want to be goal less, I just want to take weight loss off of my future to-do list and make it a current action that is happening everyday. Like brushing my teeth or washing my face.
Oh!
Thank you for the support and overwhelming response about my United Airlines experience. oh sigh. Are you ready for the response to my letter?
Dear Mrs. Burger,
Thank you for contacting us. I appreciate the opportunity to respond.
I apologize that a member of our Untied Express Mesa airlines commuter
flight crew was not discreet or caring when you asked for a seat belt
extender. Your feedback with be passed along to the management staff of
onboard services for Mesa airlines for their review with the crew from
your flight.On behalf of United Airlines and United Express I want to thank you for
your feedback, patience, and continued supportRegards,
Ruth Smith
United Airlines Customer Relations
I giggled at the "untied airlines" which seems about right. This is a formulaic letter and that's just how it goes. I better go...my husband is cooking dinner and I'm hearing lots of whispered cursing in the kitchen, I'll be back tomorrow!
I love the thought of taking weight loss off a to-do list and working toward making the behaviors that lead to weight loss automatic behaviors.
So go back to the basics. Don’t worry about doing everything perfectly or planning yourself into oblivion. Live your exciting life. Focus on that. And keep on eating well and moving more. And come back and tell us about it!
Moving more is my big thing, too. Move more and sit in front of the computer less. Carrots and smaller portions as opposed to fries and heaping bowl fulls. Good for you for getting back on the diet track. Good luck! I’ve been following your blog for a month or so…well, so to speak, anyway. I ADDED you a month or so ago…how’s that?
I hear ya. I’ve been losing this weight for years now, and it has come off most consistently when I focused more on eating well than actual dieting. I haven’t lost anymore in the past few months, so I get what you’re saying.
Untied Airlines.
I can’t judge too harshly since I frequently write “In the Supreme Court of the Untied States” when I’m at work. 
I do think they may have fixed “your feedback with be passed.” I’m glad you wrote to them though. She was way out of line on the flight.
Feedback? FEEDBACK??
I would contact them again and inform “Untied” that it was not feedback that you were offering but a legitimate complaint. I would ask for my money back or a future flight for free. Period.
The nerve of those people! They are hoping you will go away. Don’t let them get their way.
OMG! My heart stopped beating while reading because I totally thought that you were taking a hiatus from blogging! Welcome Back! A loyal lurker.
I can totally relate and feel I need to get back to basics as well. I just wish I wasn’t so darn hard.
Thanks for sharing the letter. I still feel they should have given you something though. The fact they didn’t, just shows what type of company they are.
I would say you are blogging for me! I can relate to you, especially to holding steady at a loss for a long while. We’re almost the same age, we’re stylish. I also live with a boyfriend (who happens to be a stick!).And remember, you’ve maintained a loss for over two years. That’s great! For me, just not gaining and keeping the binge eating under control is a huge step.
I have never been able to maintain a blog of my own, long term, but I always enjoy peeking into the lives of others. I think you have a great writing voice and I enjoy what you have to say. Plus, you have great style!
So keep blogging. You’ll feel better.
(And don’t eat a lot of soy. It’s bad for you…)
I subscribe to a lot of food / healthy living blogs and scale changes are not all that interesting, it’s the little things in between (the non weight loss stuff) that keeps me reading.
Jeanette PastaQueen is a good example! I recently moved her out of the “food / health” folder and into “personal blogs” folder.
I do empathize with spending SO many long “dieting” (for lack of a better term) and ending up the same weight two years later. It’s still pretty awesome that you’ve maintained, and move over you are gorgeous! For me it’s always “the whole package” that make someone who they are. There are plenty of not so attractive “thin” people.
Anyway, more to the point, I hope you get back on a regular blogging schedule soon!
Hi Lorrie,
I’ve visited your blog a few times and can tell you you gave me courage to start my own, Stay Away from Drugs and Fried Chicken.
But, I have to tell you, in this post I saw myself. I encourage you to continue blogging and to never give up on losing your weight. We all plateau at some point - I’m there now. It’s like that song, “We Fall Down, but We Get Up.” Your time is coming and the weight will come off. You have a lot of people cheering for you, including me.
Good on you for re-focusing. As a reader (and writer) and a girl…checking cute outfits is one of the best parts!!
It sounds like your life is about being healthy, not trying to make healthy a part of your life anymore. It’s awesome so that now you can start blogging about life and you’ve got it made! 
I’m also going back to the basics. Healthy food in = Healthy Girl out. I’m blogging what I eat to 1. Keep myself accountable and 2. Maybe give and get some new food ideas by putting them up. I’m surprised at how much it helps, and how much more thought I put into what I eat. It’s fun staging the pics too
Keep it up!
I just started blogging, and I have to keep reminding myself that I am blogging for me first and whoever else decides to stop on by second. I blog to keep track of what I eat, how much I’m exercising, what’s going on in my life. It’s kind of like a really public journal.
However, I’m not gonna lie, I’d love to read more outfit ideas because I think you are just so dang cute!
I lost alot of weight and got down to 190 3 years ago by seing a dietician. It wasn’t the food help that helped me it was the accountabilitly aspect of it that helped me, I suspect at the beginning this blog helped you in that aspect as well (who wouldn’t lose that amount of weight when god only knows how many people are reading your blog right?) I have since gained all that weight back because “of life” meaning I lean on food for the emotional aspect of it….not healthly. I am losing it again and yes I really enjoy reading your blog while doing it. Helps keep me honest :). Even if you decided to blog hey only once a month I would still read it…..this blog should be about YOU and when YOU want to write not to write because people expect it. Its what makes you a success!!!!
That airline has gone untied. You should boycott them.
Hope you have a lovely dinner.
-meream
wow that’s really bad with all the type-o’s! i mean i know i can be pretty bad but I’m not representing a major airline! i guess at least they responded, right?
Seriously? Untied Airlines needs to do a little more than that measly letter!
Oh and p.s. congratulations on living for the day!
“if I had said two years ago “if I just focused on my health, eating better, moving more, rather than the number on the scale, rather than the next event coming up” I would not still weigh 273.” But - isn’t that what you’re doing now, your plan is to eat healthy and exercise some. You’ve done that for a month. Is it giving you the progress you want? If not, why not?
I don’t care what you write as long as you keep writing!
It is super hard to stay motivated everyday - no matter if you are trying to lose weight, update your blog, or just take out the trash. I love your blog! You need no excuses with me! I admire how open and honest you are throughout your weight loss journey. I am currently on Weight Watchers, and it is such a great way to feel included in a “group” activity, instead of feeling alone to lose on your own. I love your blog!
You go girl!
Oh I hear ya. Losing weight is something that I suck at. I have been going to the gym for the past 4 weeks and have just been fluctuating and when it boils down to it after all of the fluctuation, I have only lost 2 pounds
! It is frustrating to be stuck in this rut! However there may be hope…this past week I stumbled across a book titled, “YOU UNSTUCK,” written by Libby Gill. It truly inspired me to change my belief system. She points out that if you don’t change your belief system as you’re changing your behavior, your results will probably be short-lived and possibly even counterproductive. Libby pointed out the reason why most dieters put all the weight they lose (and more) right back on after the diet is done- they need to change their belief system and realize that they can do it! I am going to start picturing myself as a skinny person and continue exercising and eating right. I will see results!
Keep blogging! Don’t think it’s about the weight. That’s only surface. The (excuse me) meat of your writing is about the struggle to self-actualize (look it up). That is worth writing about. If you still have something to say, and it sounds like you do, keep it up! You have a wonderful voice.
I feel like you read my mind. I too have lost no weight recently, yet have been blogging excessively the last few months… about what? I do not know…
Sigh, and back the basics we go.
We are going with moving more and portion control as well. As a matter of fact we are going to attempt to ride bikes for the first time in a VERY long time this weekend.
I can understand the blogging crises as well. I have been struggling to come up with a direction for mine since I started two years ago. Still random, boring musings that only mean anything to maybe three people!
Hey Girl!
I must say I know what you mean when it comes to blogging. I love reading your blogs - keep it up and I was in awe of the united airlines story. I mean come on, I would think by now - companies should know better than to send an auto respond email.
If you haven’t seen my blog, check it out and think about participating in the Step it up and Work it Out Challenge!
I feel like maybe it’s a mass conciousness thing because I can’t lose the 2 pounds I want to lose these 2 weeks either! I’m exercising! I’m watching what I eat! Maybe it’s all the water I’m drinking because it’s hotter out now? But, who cares! Being healthy and thinking healthy and living healthy, that’s what is number 1! The pounds shedding, that will come!
Hi Lorrie,
I’ve been reading your blog for a couple months now and it has partly inspired me to start my own. You have a lot of comments saying that you should just keep writing even if you’re not losing, and I agree, but I would like to ad that I love your style and as a fellow fat girl, I really like seeing the outfits you put together, even if it’s just a picture of you at BlogHer. I struggle so much with trying to look good in my clothes and you do it so well without looking boring. So, thanks!
-TheOmnivert
I hope you’ll keep writing.
I am amazed at the self-discovery that comes when I am sitting down in front of the computer trying to write something. I think it is a powerful tool.
Plus,your witty. And I need all the chuckles I can get!
Oh, and nice one United. *roll eyes*
I’ve just recently stumbled upon your blog and I don’t even know how.
But, I’ve been reading your archives and the reason to keep blogging about weight-loss even though the weight-loss hasn’t been significant is because a lot of the stuff that you wrote here — how you felt about what you doing — is similar to the stuff that I’m going through internally too.
It’s nice to know that someone else struggles with the same things as I am.
It’s hard when you realize the perfect timing will never come along. But I know you can do it! We both can! I can totally relate to your situation right now… I have maintained/plateaued for the past year, and it’s no fun! I want to keep losing; I NEED to keep losing!
Just wanted to let you know you have a partner in crime out here in the cyber world. Let’s work it - show that scale who’s boss!
It makes me happy that you are blogging again ~ I miss your other blog site a lot. You are a wonderful writer and I can so relate to your blogs.
Good for you! Weight loss is definatly not something you can stop your life for. You are amazing and such an inspiration!!!
I flew “Untied” last week and it was disastrous, complete with 4+ hour delays, taxiing to the runway and then back to the airport for forgotten paperwork, and a cancelled flight resulting in an overnight stay. NO FUN. Never again. I hope you got that chick’s name. I would write her a personal letter and tell her what a nasty person she is.
“I just want to take weight loss off of my future to-do list and make it a current action that is happening everyday. Like brushing my teeth or washing my face.” This is mind set at its’ finest. I can absolutely relate to this. It took years for me to figure this out, but it’s just like you said, it has to become part of what you do everyday. Action is the key. Awesome blog!
I hope you keep on writing and doing what you do.
I’ve found it very hard to lose weight for the past 3 years.
But I know I can’t give up and have to keep trying, however boring that is, because the alternative is that I will gain and gain.
I hate the fact that you have to think about food/exercise/diet/healthy practically all the time.
But then, every week, I look at your blog and see that you’re still hanging in there and it makes me realise that if you can or anyone else can, maybe I can too.
So - you are inspiring!
I recently went to a 2 day conference on communication by Fred Pryor. It was awesome. The presenter gave us much more than communication tips. Several things I heard that sounded great to me.
1) Write down your goals and review everyday for five days. Really look at them.
2) FOCUS on The GOAL not the Problem! When you start thinking about the problems (i.e. never enough time, I’m tired)redirect your mind to the GOAL, i.e. eat 3 pieces of fruit a day, eat 2-3 servings a fish a week) etc. FOCUS on the GOAL. Write your specific goals down. No more focusing on the “Problem” and trust me I need to take my own advice!
3) Takes 21 days to develop a new habit.
I Love your Blog! It is a good way for me to keep up with what you are doing and how things are going. Plus I enjoy reading your thoughts and experiences.
Untied needs to go back to school! If that is the best they can do their company is in Really Bad Shape! Love the “with” instead of “will” in their letter. I think you should find out who the CEO and Board of Directors are and forward them a copy of their Letter! Or Better Yet how about forwarding your story and their response to USA today or the New York Times…Be interesting to see what they would have to say then.
When I read your weight loss blog, I want to tell u that the only thing you have to do for the next 5 months is control your diet ( both quality and quantity).. and u don’t have to exercise because as it is you’ll be taking around 1500 calories.. and you have to completely give up sugar,fried food, cornflour and alcohol. If you want i can send u my diets( just to tell without any charge coz i am not a dietician and those were the diet charts given to me and all of my friends by a dietician), you can try it for 10 days. and u should lose 3 kilos thats nearly 7 pounds at the end of it.. The diet charts worked for me big time.
I LOVE that book. It has totally changed how I look at the grocery store.
Lorrie,
I’m not going to comment on the United Airlines because even thinking about that air hostess cuntbag (Yes ! That’s a hateful word for a hateful person!) who treated you like dirt, makes me so enraged I just might bust an artery.
Regarding motivation for weight loss. I was reading this interview with Heidi Klum, and how she lost over 40 pounds of pregnancy weight in just 6 weeks. While we probably don’t have her metabolism nor her amazing body, one tip really stood out. She said for motivation, she got her mum to take photos of her bosy front and behind everyday .So that she could see the progress and feel motivated. I dunno if that helps, but it seems like a great idea for anyone trying to lose weight.
Good luck !!
*body not ‘bosy’ lol
Diet/exercise/weight loss…whatever we decide to call it for the day, it shouldn’t be on our future to-do lists! It’s near impossible to NOT have it on the list since we want to look/feel/weigh a certain way in the future, but doing everything you said a)increases the chances for life-long weight loss and b)takes the POWER away from the diet. I’m sick and tired of my weight being a controlling factor in who I am and what I do - and I do the little things on the daily to take back the power/influence/control that my fat has over me. Have I been immediately successful? No. Have I made progress? You betcha. And when all our good planning falls apart, just Keep on keepin’ on!