In the past couple of weeks I've been using the words "trying to lose weight" or "attempting to lose weight" and I feel like that is exactly what I've been doing...attempting. I feel like I am always moving forwards and then backwards again. I'm going to be honest with you here and with myself...
I am getting better, every single day. I am waking up to the reality of how I sabotage my weight loss. I hear my excuses as I tell them. I went to the store on Wednesday and I have been working on making changes with my food intake, but I did something really bad. I bought frozen meals and snack packs, knowing that I have a hard time controlling myself around them. If I have frozen, easy to fix "low calorie" pizza, pasta, or salsbury steak in the freezer its pretty much the same as someone plopping 12 glazed krispy creams on the counter and expecting me not to eat them. I will eat them all and quickly.
What was I thinking? If you look at my food and exercise tracker you will see that I didn't post a couple of days this week and I only exercised once this week. And here I am, writing this and I'm thinking "why do I keep doing this to myself?" I'm wondering, how bad do I really want to lose weight if I'm not willing to actually change?
How bad do I want to be proud of my body and my health if I'm not willing to stop bringing trigger foods in the house? How bad do I want to improve the way I move or interact with the world when I surround myself with the thoughts of food and my next meal? How bad do I want to see the scale move if I don't make exercise a priority? To say I'm being selfish is an understatement, I want results without the work. Logically, I know I need to work, and I've been making post after post about small changes here and there, but do I not want it enough to make real sacrifices?
Here is the truth, and no this is no me being too hard on myself. The fact is, is that I've been writing in a weight loss blog for two years and true I'm not at 320ish anymore, but you know what? Every time I get to a lower weight I get excited and eat. I get relaxed. I've been yo-yoing the same 20 lbs for months now. I feel like I've been trying to find a sensible way to lose weight, and in my warped mind, sensible=little change.
Little change in my life= little change on the scale. I've been reading anti-jared's blog for the past couple of days and see how hard he worked for his weight loss. He didn't make little comfortable changes to see his dramatic weight loss, he made huge changes in his life which resulted in huge changes in his weight and health. I've been taking weight loss advice from myself and from other people who are in the same boat that I am.
I hear people around me telling me that they want to lose x amount of pounds, but they don't want to change the way they live to reach that goal. And I can't point fingers, I do exactly that. I want to lose weight, but my actions keep the weight on. I am in a really good place in my life right now, the door to weight loss is wide open. Right now, I am self-employed and my schedule is very flexible. I don't have any children or classes to go to or any major time sapping responsibility. My life won't always be like this, this is just where I'm at right now.
I am so excited that I am able to control my schedule, but I'm not taking advantage of it. I don't want to look back on this time and think "man I had so much time to workout and instead I blogged about attempting to lose weight, but not actually doing it". I don't want to waste anymore time, I'm sick of wasting time being fat. It is hard for me to fully be alive at this weight. How many times have we heard stories from people who have successfully lost weight and they always talk about how much better they feel, how much confidence they have. I want that.
I am determined. I am no longer trying to lose weight, I am going to lose weight. I am losing weight. I will continue making posts like this, calling myself out on any actions that I know hamper my goals.
What do I need to do? I need to make exercise a priority, I need to stop finding sneaky ways to bring foods in the house that I know I cannot control myself around. I need to give up the strong hold food had over me. I will work on getting excited about things that don't involve food. I will find ways to manage my stress and emotions without food.
I'm tired of living in a haze, or a smoky bubble that makes being fat comfortable. It is not reality.
Here is my signature to making real changes x ____Lorrie Burger______ I will be the former fat girl.
I will eat less than 1,500 calories a day. I will eat only good carbs. I will only eat dessert foods including dessert snacks (no low calorie desserts/snacks) only on a special occasions (but not exceeding once a month.) I will exercise six days a week for at least one hour every day. I will make exercise a priority.I will create an exercise schedule every Sunday for the week and stick to it as a non-negotiable appointment. Instead of spending time on the internet looking at food blogs or recipes, I will read books/blogs about fitness and health. I will find ways every single day to pursue my passions and live every day to my best ability. I will work every single day to make my life more of a priority than food. I will keep track of every single morsel of food that goes into my mouth and blog about it. I will eat simply and healthfully. I will take the time to make nice meals for myself. I will be kind to myself. I will weight myself every single day and not beat myself up or reward myself with food when I see the results. I will take my measurements every month. And make fitness and health my goal and passion every single day. I will print this out and keep it everywhere I need motivation. I will find ways to remind myself every single day of my goals and direction.
Good luck Lorrie
i get it. i totaly get it and i feel the same way. come on we can do this.
Hi! Just started reading your blog recently and it’s really great to hear you write about a lot of the same feelings that I have. I love your post today- it makes me feel motivated. In my case I think it’s really just a matter of holding onto this motivated feeling, which is really hard to do sometimes. Even if I’m not happy where I am it’s easy to get complacent.
I love your dedication and how you catch yourself before you fall. That is the key to success.
Nice job Lorrie!! For me, motivation and accountability go hand and hand. Both are keys to my success–in weight loss and other areas of my life.
Hi! I’ve only been reading your blog for a couple of days, but, like you,I’m having that darndest time losing weight! I initially lost 30 lb on LA Weightloss. Then they went out of business, and I still had 15 lb to go. I went from 176 to 146. Now I’m at about 154. Exercise isn’t my problem, as I LOVE working out and go regularly. I train hard, which means I eat a lot, too, unfortunately. I even got a nutritionist. But for some reason, she put me on a 1700 calorie-a-day plan because I train so much. I gained 2 lb in a week. Well, even paying for a nutritionist so far hasn’t gotten me to drop the weight. But your last entry about determination was great! I’m going to be a former fat girl too. I want to run the Army 10-miler in October and the Elvis is Alive 5K in August. Thanks for the inspiration!
These are the lines I love from this entry:
“I will find ways every single day to pursue my passions and live every day to my best ability. I will work every single day to make my life more of a priority than food.”
The last couple of months I’ve had some health struggles. So despite my best intentions AND actions, my weight hasn’t budged. I’m not in control of whether my body will let go of the weight or not, but I am in control of what goes into my mouth. I am in control of how I move my body and how often. I am in control of my thought processes. And I’m not giving up. I’m getting better at eating for nourishment and finding my pleasure, comfort and entertainment elsewhere. Thanks for a very positive and can-do post!
Lorrie, you should print out what you have written and stick in on your fridge to remind you what you have promised yourself.
Hopefully it will prevent you from eating your trigger foods and help you choose the healthier option.
The very best of luck.
You are truly an inspiration — your blog has made it to the top of my reading list, because you always seem to post about the perfect thing for my day. I’m trying to take shortcuts in my weight loss as well — and it just isn’t working! And I to see myself losing, relax, and start eating again. I have a magic number” that I just can’t seem to get passed! Good luck — I’ll be with ya all the way…
What a great post. It reminded me of something I read on another blog about the difference between being “interested in” and “committed to” weightloss. Here is the link, I think you might enjoy the post.
http://sheddingmyfatsuitforever.blogspot.com/2008/11/day-2-interested-or-committed.html
I look forward to reading about your successes in the days and weeks to come!
I like your blog. It is very honest and inspiring.
i’ve been reading through your blog and everything really speaks to me. while ive always guessed people that are trying to lose weight must have really similar struggles ive always been so embarrassed to talk about but now im realizing i can really find support and comfort in the online community. its still hard to talk about my weight with friends and family but your blog has given me so much motiviation! with that nonsense out of the way….
i totally agree about the self sabotaging stuff. this weekend i went shopping with my new goals in mind and i did really well except i bought….baking soda. and what is baking soda for? why, baking of course! i justified it at the time as that i was so excited to have found it as i had been looking for quite sometime (im living in germany at the moment and its hard to come by) and that i would only bake for other people. ha! today i baked chocolate chip cookies “for the two kids that i watch” but i of COURSE ended up eating some myself. and i knew very well that was exactly what was going to happen when i bought it.
I am moved beyond words by this entry because I could have written it myself. These thoughts and actions are exactly my own, but I never realized that anyone else did these things. You have articulated the very things that I have been in denial about, especially wanting to see the scale inch downward without doing the work to move the digits. Thank you for allowing me to see exactly how I am ruining my own efforts.
A tip for grocery shopping: I only buy enough frozen food to last me 3 days–an Amy’s breakfast burrito in the AM, and an Amy’s or Lean Cuisine meal at night (no time to cook). If I eat more than that, I’d have to go hungry for a meal, and that is definitely not happening. As for fruits and veggies, I stock up for a week. Good luck!
That is the spirit Lorrie, anyone who can set up a great website like this can do it.
I like this thought process that you have started for yourself. It is a good one and one I think you will be successful with. I am in the same boat as you with the exercise. I started out good and the just fell off the ship…heck, I can’t even see the ship anymore. Guess I will have to swim to land. I know with this type of attitude that anything can be accomplished. I just wanted to tell you that this section of your blog helped me to put things back into perspective.
Lavon
Hi Lorrie,
I am reading your blog for the first time.
I love your honesty, it is key being honest with oneself to achieve results.
I would like to comment that yo-yo dieting is not that bad and pretty common. There is a wonderful study called the Diabetes Prevention Program were patients at risk of developing diabetes were able to lose weight during the first 6 months and regained some weight over the next 3 years, and in spite of that regain they were able to prevent getting diabetes.
So, in spite of setbacks you are getting a lot of health benefits from the weight you have already lost. When in despair thing about the health benefits of where you are today. That is a major achievement.
If you feel you are getting stuck with your weight you may want to consider a jump start, that is anything that will give you a booster. One option could be to follow a strict low calorie menu plan for a few weeks so you can get back on track. You will be able to find those on the web. Best wishes to you. Let me know if I can help.
I just found your blog today, and I’m so glad I did! I know EXACTLY how you feel! I was at 220 in January, just NOW have gotten to 210, and celebrated by a three day binge that probably set me back at least 5 pounds. How frustrating!!!
I like what you wrote about “small changes, small results”. That is the advice I get a lot, but the only time in my life I have lost a significant amount of weight, I made drastic changes. Thanks so much for writing this!