It's been an off week for me, and I'm okay with that. It started with a trip to the dentist on monday where I sat in the chair for over an hour to have three fillings put in right in a row. Pretty thankful for that, but when did tooth colored fillings get so expensive? Almost $300 for three. I need to take better care of my teeth. That's not to say that I don't brush, I just don't really think about it after my morning brush. That's an expensive habit not to have.

They questioned what I drink, soda? sweet tea? no and no. A good habit I'm actually consistent about: drinking water all the time.

Then I got sick. It kind of snuck up on me Tuesday. I was feeling fatigue and my throat was scratchy. By the time I made it home, I just holed up on the couch  while a fever took it's course. This has gone from my throat to my head and now I'm still fighting a cold and fatigue.

I was supposed to go to WV this weekend for a jewelry open house, but with being sick and the 10+ inches of snow that came down Friday night, that did not happen.

And finally put our first bid on a house. Truth be told, the most exciting part of this house for us is the extra studio space we would each have. His a 20x30 steal building for his recording studio and mine a converted garage with a sink and lots of light. It even has a front door with a doorbell to the "studio". As for the rest of the house, it needs work. It was built in '74 by the same guy living in it now. If I met this guy randomly I'd give him an old issue of Domino just as an FYI that people aren't putting moss green carpet in their homes anymore. Or those creepy craft-show faceless children that some people were putting in the corner of their porches in the 80's.

He doesn't understand that while yes people are moving to Floyd, rich people seems to be the rumor, we are not them or that desperate. His asking price would be a huge ripoff for us considering the work, yet he is not coming down on his asking price by more than a couple of inches. What's wrong with people?

If I met him I'd say "hey mister Q, do you think that if you, oh I don't know, cleaned your SHOWER, and picked up all your crap (there are clown masks on the wall, i wish i were joking) and maybe put in new carpet, and a stove, and a new roof then yes ask what you are asking minus 10k would be reasonable, anything else is an insult to basic real estate intelligence." But, that won't happen so I say it here.

And that is the current status of our home buying. Unless his realtor knocks sense into him, it's time to start looking again. It's slim pickings in these parts.

I am 3 lbs. away from this months goal and have not had the energy to exercise all week. My little GoWear Fit armband tally looks like someone who hardly ever moved this week. Small activity spikes to the bathroom or getting dressed. I've not had the energy to cook so I've been eating little more than frozen pizza, albeit not overeating...silver lining!

So this post isn't to complain, just to reflect how sometimes things don't happen the way we plan and that's okay. The truth is, I needed to slow down this week. To do nothing and be okay with that. I'm ready to get in the shower today, put on clean clothes and keep going.

I have so many posts coming:

1. My goal for Lent

2. My two week GoWear Fit Review

3. A ton of product reviews

4. My end of the month weigh-in

And just getting back in the swing of blogging daily again. So here we go...

Oh! For those who have been asking I will be debuting my jewelry online tomorrow at 8am I will put a link here and on twitter (@thetokenfatgirl or @lorriebee). Thank you for your kind words about my necklaces!

I'm here! Sorta. I'm taking a small break this week from blogging to get caught up on some pending tasks.
Making jewelry, cleaning/organizing the house, working on freelance stuff, oh and (hopefully, fingers crossed!) moving into our first home!

As far as weight loss, food, exercise: every thing's fine. I haven't had much of an appetite this week so meals have been pretty sparse. As in oatmeal for breakfast and then some sort of dinner. Which to me isn't very blog worthy. Except for the loaded oatmeal that leaves me full for hours. I love that.

Exercise has been hit or miss. What does that even mean? I don't know I've been using my GoWear Fit daily. On days that I am very sedentary I burn a little over 2,000 calories, on days when I clean, but don't partake in formal exercise I burn about 2,500, and on days when I do exercise I get well over 3,000 calories. Which is my daily goal: over 3,000. Which probably sounds like a lot, but I'm fat.

Thank you for all of your kind words about my necklaces in the last post. Making jewelry is something I randomly started doing this past fall and it's been a full-on obsession ever since. I'm still nervous about moving into the world of metalsmithing, but it's coming! In the mean-time, after the open house this weekend I'm going to start selling online in between craft shows.

I'll be back tomorrow, see you then!

We have officially entered day two of ice world here in Floyd. Ice is weird, unlike snow, you have absolutely no choice but to stay inside. With snow and a lot of determination you can at least go outside or plow your way out, but with ice simply stepping out on your welcome mat requires ice skates.

I'd be lying if I said I was upset about any of this. I'm a homebody through and through and have hours of projects to work on to occupy my time. As long as I have josh, food and the internet, I'm set. Yesterday I spent most of the morning making jewelry! I have a jewelry open house the weekend after next, hosted by my mom (yay!) and I've been busy trying to prepare for that. Want to see?

I love these necklaces so much! I really want to keep the green one.

Later on in the afternoon I started working on some freelance projects as well as a portfolio site. I feel good when I'm productive even though I ended up watching four episodes of LOST last night. That show is addictive! I curse the day I ever started watching it.

As far as exercise, I'm so excited about my GoWear fit. I'm not even kidding. I had to perform surgery on the arm band at the beginning of the week to make it bigger. I left the original band intact for future smaller arms, but needed to extend it by about two inches. Now, I never take it off except for showering. I will post a picture of my funny little extender in case anyone else is having the same issue.

We went for a walk in the woods behind our house on Tuesday and found a pond, a little waterfalls. It's like a  whole other world back there. I tracked my calories on the trip and noticed that the walk back up burned major calories. I set a target calorie burn and it's fun to push myself to match the calories.

I also tried out Dancing with the Stars workout DVD. I don't watch the show, but the DVD was a great workout although very hard to keep up with dance moves. Have you guys tried it? I was very sore!

Also, my February 1st weigh-in is approaching! My start weight for January was 290 and my goal for the end of the month is 278. I am over half-way there.

Thank you to everyone who participated in the Progresso Soup contest, I really enjoyed and related to all of your soup memories. Soup is so comforting!

I had 23 comments and used random.org to help me find the winner. 6 was the magic number, making Erin our winner! yay!

Tyler from 344pounds.com graciously agreed to do an interview with me!

TFG: Hi Tyler! Thanks for taking the time to answer a few questions for me to share on my blog. I stopped by your blog in March of 2009 two months into your lifestyle change and then stopped by again this week via your famous CNN interview (congrats by the way!) can you describe where you were mentally in January of 2009 and what made you decide to embark your weight loss journey?

Tyler: Mentally in 2009 - Losing weight wasn't a New Years resolution for me as most people think, it was simply a coincidence I started my weight loss journey in the month of January.  I actually started losing weight one random morning in mid-January.  I had just completed a 1,000+ calorie fast food breakfast (the usual) and I had to use the restroom.  On the way out, I decided to stop and take a look at myself.  While I typically avoided mirrors (and cameras), I just couldn't stop staring. I was disgusted.  And I was scared.  I went back to my desk and started by throwing away the rest of my breakfast.
 
TFG: You mentioned trying many fad diets through the years, what do you think prevented you from being successful in the past compared to your success in 2009?

Tyler: I wasn't successful in the past because I couldn't enjoy the foods I loved.  You can't tell me, or most other people for that matter, that they can no longer enjoy the foods and drinks they have become accustomed to for decades. I like sweet tea, hot wings, and buffalo chips -- they still have a place in my life with my new healthy lifestyle, just in moderation.
 
TFG: You consistently lost weight counting calories eating the foods that you enjoy rather than the traditional "diet" fare. How has this helped you? I frequently get comments when I post food that isn't as you call "rabbit food" with advice about how I should eat/shouldn't eat. Do you get these comments? How do you deal with diet advice or negativity towards what you choose to eat?

Tyler: I got a lot of those comments when I posted the foods I ate (still eat).  I haven't posted calories in a while and the negative comments are part of the reason.  I just ignored them, I only have one mother and she doesn't comment.
 
TFG: You've obviously scaled down your restaurant portions over the past year to incorporate them into your healthier lifestyle, how to you prevent yourself from overeating some of your favorite foods? Do you have any tips for eating out?

Tyler: Dine out less, it's as simple as that.  When I'm at a restaurant, temptations are almost unbearable.  If I do go to a restaurant and I manage to be good, I'll order a water and get no appetizer/dessert.  While the entree portion sizes are obviously massive at restaurants, the damage is at least limited. As far as overeating is concerned, I definitely don't have an answer for that.  I don't think anybody does.  On occasion, I still go to my favorite chinese (buffet) and get about a dozen sushi rolls.  I love sushi too much and can't stop eating once I get started.
 

 TFG: You've lost over 125 lbs. now (congratulations again!) is there a difference in the way people treat you now compared to when you were much heavier?

Tyler: They definitely do.  It's sad, but it's very real.

TFG: As someone who has lost and gained the same weight over the past few years, I've gotten to the point where I wonder if I will ever lose weight. Do you have any advice for those  who are still struggling to lose weight? Did you worry about others taking you seriously?

Tyler:  Just believe the next effort is the time you lose the weight for good.  You have to have faith.  I have had countless weight loss attempts, just like most people, before this time was the time I hit the "jackpot."  I had faith to try losing weight one more time and you have to have the faith to try again as well.
 
TFG: How do your friends and family respond to your new habits? Have you lost or gained any new friends in this process?

Tyler: My friends and family have supported my healthy lifestyle changes and a couple have started going to the gym to lose a few pounds themselves (debatable whether it was because of me). 
 
TFG: In 5 words, can you tell us what are the most important factors when losing weight?

Tyler: Keep eating foods you enjoy. 

TFG: Tyler, thank you for taking the time to answer these questions! You truly are an inspiration.

Last week a heavy box was waiting on me when I got home and it was soup! The folks from Progresso contacted me about promoting their new line of soups (most under 100 calories) along with their "Souper You Debut". I am really excited about the Progresso mug, which is not plastic (yay) and trying out their new, no MSG soups.

I'll admit that most canned soups hold no interest to me. Growing up I remember telling my mom we had nothing to eat in the house and she'd always respond "there's always peanut butter and jelly and SOUP". Bah. I like homemade soups, chili, stews etc. but sometimes in a pinch it's nice to just open a can. You know what the calories are, you know the ingredients, and you know they lack  MSG.

So far, I've had the minstrone and it's quite good!

Interested in winning your own mug, jump rope (which tracks jumps/calories) and a couple of cans of soup? I believe this contest is limited to the US, so please keep that in mind. All you have to do is leave a comment with your favorite soup memories growing up, or even your favorite soup. I will pick a comment at random and Progresso will get your package out. Note: Linking to this blog entry (and then showing me your blog entry with link in the comments) will grant you another entry into the contest. Please make sure to include your email address so that I can easily contact you. Contest ends January 19th 6pm EST, I will announce the winners on January 20th. Good luck!

Now, if you'd like to win a trip to NYC (who wouldn't?) Progresso is holding a “Souper You Debut” contest for the chance to win a full makeover in New York City.

Three grand prize winners will be awarded a trip for two to New York City from May 21st-23rd. The prize includes round trip airfare, a two-night stay in a NYC hotel, a full makeover, a $1,000 wardrobe shopping spree and personal consultation at a New York department store.

To enter, you’ll need to do the following:
· Go to http://www.progressosoup.com/souperyou/to learn more and enter the contest
· Submit your essay (200 characters or less) telling Progresso why you love Progresso Light or 100 Calorie Soups and why you would like a makeover
· In addition, please submit a photo of yourself that visually reinforces the theme of your essay

NYC here  I you come!

What was I so excited to share yesterday? My GoWear Fit arrived in the mail yesterday! I considered purchasing one for a very long time and Monday afternoon I got a wild hair and bought it. And just as an FYI, I bought this myself and was not contacted by the folks at GoWear Fit to promote their product, although I would have gladly accepted!

This is what it looks like:

What does it do?
Simply wear it during the course of your regular day, then plug it into your computer and upload your data to your personal GoWear fit Online Activity Manager. The Manager will help you establish your goals, track your progress, and give you tools to help you know how many calories you're eating, on average, per day.

Multi-Sensor Armband
Your armband is a small computer that measures a variety of physical characteristics, including motion, steps, galvanic skin response, skin temperature, and heat flux. It's the only multi-sensor monitor that can accurately track:
Calorie burn
Physical activity
Steps taken
Sleep duration
Sleep efficiency

I've always been curious to know how many calories my body at my current weight burns in an average day. Today I decided to wear it without exercise just to gage where I'm currently at. I read the reviews on amazon.com and they were very good. It is exactly like the bodybugg (used on the biggest loser) but more affordable and tracks sleeping patterns.

I took it off during my shower and so far it feels pretty comfortable. I have really big arms, which makes it slightly more uncomfortable for me and more noticeable that I'm wearing it than someone else with smaller arms. But, it is not painful or circulation inhibiting, you'd be hard pressed to know I'm even wearing it under my cardigan.

From the reviews a lot of people mentioned how the GoWear Fit device has helped motivate them to burn more calories during the day. The online tracker gives you target caloric goals for the day as well as a place to track the calories you are consuming. This tool is definitely not  needed for weight loss, but it is a nice to know where you stand with daily activity, something I struggle with.

I put it on as soon as I got up around 5:30am this morning, took it off for my shower, and then put it back on. I plugged it into my computer around 7:30 because I was curious to see what my calories burned were while getting ready for work. 922. This includes any huffing and puffing while put on hose which it no easy feat.

Tomorrow morning I will log how many calories I burned today and compare them with my calories tomorrow when I resume exercise. I'll keep you posted!!

Food for yesterday:

organic blueberry greek yogurt w/ 1T chocolate chia goodness, 1T carob chips, and a few frozen blueberries: 225 calories

chicken fajitas (grilled chicken, onions, green peppers, lettuce, 1 T sour cream, 1/2 C pinto beans) approx. 650-700 calories

1 serving pizza ( 410 calories)

1/4 C pistachios: 170 calories

Total: 1,480

I have something very exciting waiting on me at home that deals with exercise and I can't wait to share. In the meantime here is what I ate yesterday:

3/4 Serving ruth's chocolate chia goodness w/ 2 T whole milk: 95 calories (review coming!)

Medium Banana- 105 calories, 2 wheat thins flatbread crackers- 60 calories, 1/4 c pistachios- 170 calories, organic beef minestrone soup- 250 calories, 1/4 C cobbler- 100 calories, hot cocoa w/ whipped cream- 110 calories, 3 bites of pear- 20 calories

2 servings almond nut crackers, 1 oz pinot noir salami, 2 T cibo smoked cheddar jalapeno spread- 300 calories

3/4 serving organic chicken and garlic mini wontons- 225 calories

total: 1,435

Weight loss update: I am halfway to my January weight loss goal of 12 lbs.!

If I gained nothing else from my last entry it is: I am not alone. Not even close. Thank you for being courageous enough to share your voice along with mine. I've done a lot of thinking, gathering, and contemplating since I wrote that and a little bit of much needed crying. I realized what I already know: I choose my direction.

Gaining weight can be a slippery slope and I don't have to go down that path. I felt for the first time true sorrow for what I am choosing to do to myself. When I watch the biggest loser and see the contestants crying about what they have done to their bodies and the toll it takes on their loved ones. I never got it. I just saw it as "this is my own issue and it's not that big of a deal", but then I realized that 290 could easily become 300. And 300 could easily become 320 and then 350 and then 400. Eating my life away. Is this really what I want for myself? My future? My husband and our life?

No. And I cried, because I was choosing that for myself. I was choosing a half-life. I was choosing insecurities over confidence. Fear over health.  To be comfortable rather than just dealing with life. And for what? Temporary satisfaction or the soothing tone of excess?

I was going through emails recently, some dating back to March of 2009. One caught my attention, it was from Tyler Weeks. The same Tyler from 344pounds.com which coincidentally came right at the same time of his CNN Health article. Tyler has lost 125 lbs. over the past year and is very close to his 150lb loss goal.

I emailed him and asked him for an interview and he accepted, I will post that in the coming days, but first I want to share with you how he has inspired me in the days since my last post.

When I came across his CNN interview and started reading his archives and regular blog posts there were several quotes of his that really stood out to me. Some of them hit me with a ton of bricks.

"If someone had told me in January that I had to stop cold turkey and eat salads, grilled chicken ... all day long, I wouldn't have lost this weight or gradually progressed into a healthier lifestyle."

on motivation:

"But I respect you more than that — you already know why you want to lose weight.  You know what’s at stake if you don’t lose weight and you know you’ll be reward with a happy, healthy life that you’ve always wanted.

Motivation is so overrated.

You just need to decide to earn your new life.  Nobody is going to give it to you.  Motivation is so overrated — it’s not a requisite for losing weight or obtaining your goals.  I’ll say that again:  you don’t need motivation to lose weight.  You don’t feel like going to the gym tonight?  Tired, have a headache?  Tough.  I slept about 6 hours last night and will end up working 10 hours today, getting off around 5 and coming home to cook dinner for the wife.  After an hour or two of quality time (cooking, cleaning), I’ll leave my warm, cozy house and family behind to go to the gym and leave my heart on the floor.  Around 9, I’ll come back home to find my daughter already asleep and my wife soon thereafter."

What I like about Tyler's approach to weight loss is that he keeps it simple: Calories in vs. calories out. If you've been around for any length of time you will know that I've gone on a few restrictive diets. Always in the back of my mind I know that when I'm in a "binge eating" spell it's as a result of being too restrictive. This isn't an excuse, just a pattern I've noticed over the years. I feel that there is a need to find a way to eat as to prevent "last meals" or the "I'll diet tomorrow mentality".  Tyler has connected the two which has resulted in his success. There isn't a start day for eating diet food and "bad days" for overeating "bad" foods, which for me is the result of an endless cycle. Feast of Famine.

What if all days we allowed ourselves to eat what we want in moderation. To keep trigger foods out of the house, but to actually enjoy the food we are eating on a daily basis. If you look at Tyler's meal plans many would argue (and do) that he isn't eating enough "health food" or would claim that he could be eating more food in his day if he was eating less calorie laden/fatty foods. I think over time, Tyler has and will become more accustom to eating foods that are higher in nutritional value vs. foods with higher caloric value with low nutrition naturally.

His plan worked for his lifestyle. 1) he eats out a lot 2) he likes "man food" or "bar food" style meals so instead of cutting them out cold turkey he just eats less, counts the calories and exercises. Which makes sense for a lot of us.

I make no excuses for the fact that I love food. This quote by Julia Child sums it up:

“The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook”

 

I love good food, I love recipes, good cooking, ethnic foods , you name it. I actually love to grocery shop. And I just cannot for the life of me get on board with eating "diet" food. The notion that some foods are bad and others are not. I've covered this topic many times and continue to come back to this same point. How to make both worlds exist. Eating good food in moderation. Eliminating the idea that "diet" anything is the key to weight loss and stop feeling bad for wanting to enjoy food for what it is and should be: delicious nourishment

I hate rules and will always, no matter what, will rebel. But something has to give. What is the payoff for living a healthier life while enjoying food? Keeping track of what I eat, moderation, keeping foods that I tend to overeat out of my house or office space, only eat dessert if it is (strictly) made from scratch with good ingredients and to exercise a lot.

With that said, Tyler has given me hope that I too can lose 125lbs with dedication and direction rather than restriction and struggle.

 Binge eating is a habit that I allow myself to (on occasion) subscribe to. I've had many months where I never bought anything from the store that I didn't need and never ate secretly in my car. And I was fine with it. And I've had others where that was not at all the case. But, it is always a choice. Just because the cookies, cakes, frozen pizza and ice cream are there does not mean I always have to have them around. And it doesn't mean I can't enjoy them on occasion.

What am I feeding when I overeat?

I've decided to make my daily food and exercise choices more prevalent on my front page. I can't guarantee I will always take photos of what I eat, but I am doing my best to keep it public. I have a little notebook that I carry with me to write what I eat in. I've done this before and it's really helpful. This is a sacrifice, for right now, I need to make and dedicate myself to. Recording what I eat and exercise.

I know that this opens me up to many comments that have irked me in the past. I know my best interest is always at hand, but I'm no dummy, I know what foods are best to eat. I know about real food, local food, moderation, protein, fiber, carbs. Trust me, by now. I know. I just need to be able to use this space to honestly share my journey without judgement regarding what I should or should not be eating. My goal isn't  perfection. This isn't a raw food, vegan or nutrition blog. They exist and I have a few I highly recommend if you're interested.

I know that the 400 calories I ate in mashed potatoes yesterday is not "diet food" or a wise choice. But, I wrote it down and was accountable for it. I adjusted my calories for it and exercised. Or I could have felt guilty and overate that rest of the day, but I didn't.  I could have had a more filling meal of eggs or whole grains. Some days will be better than others. Some days I will have lower calories and others will be higher. Some days I will want more food than others and other days I may just want to eat pizza and the next spinach salads. I'm okay with this.

Tuesday January 12th 2010:

1+1/2 C mashed potatoes w/ 1 slice Colby : 400 calories

1/2 C roasted sunflower seeds- 180

2 ladles potato soup (made by coworker) + 6 wheat thin flat bread crackers + a very small serving of cheese+ salad with a touch of cream of cucumber dressing: 670 calories

2 clementines: about 100 calories

1 Tbs. chia goodness: 55 calories

veggie pizza from subway without extra cheese (they put this on as default)- 430 calories

bowl of chili: 340 calories

Total calories: 2,175

Exercise: 30 minutes of strength training

Despite my best efforts to move forward with my health goals this week, I am in a full on funk and it's safe to say I've been here for awhile. Sure, I'm functioning. Getting out of bed, getting dressed, taking care of things. I'm blogging and generally eating better post holidays, but I need a mental refreshing.

I don't know if it is the weater. It snowed about 14 inches almost 3 weeks ago and the snow is still on the ground. On top of that we had an ice storm and freezing weather ever since. Our hot water is frozen, our kitchen sink drain is frozen and the short walk to the car evey morning takes skillfull balance not to fall over.

Despite the weather, I know that my weight is what is really eating at me. I kept a food/weight journal (not public) for my own keeping for "the cleanse" and when I stopped I really let go of everything and packed on the weight. I know that 15 (approximate) pounds is not the end of the world, but I feel different. When you gain weight when you're trying to lose weight and when you are already big, it is not easy mentally or physically.

I was holding steady at 275 and the weight was dropping. And then I just went right back up and it's so annoying that I let myself get back to 290. 290. I thought I was past this. I donated all of my size 24+ jeans to goodwill. To make a point...I'd never be here again. And here I am. Wearing the last size 24 pair of jeans I have on regular rotation. My size 22 skirts fit, and forget about the size 22 pants.

It's scary to me how fast and easy it is for me to be back where I started. To throw work away, to have fear of myself. Fear that I will never get past these hurdles.  I believe I will get better. I believe I will be healthier, but I can't deny the fact that I have some serious work to do with myself before abusing food is a thing of the past. 

I have seriously bad habits that I have gone in and out of over the course of this blog. One of them is eating in private. I am a big believer that "diet" food is a scam and I am sure that when people see me not eating the standard diet fare (salads no dressing, low fat everything, low calorie, low carb, sugar free, diet soda etc.) they think "this is why you can't lose weight" , but in fact it's never what you see me eating that is keeping me fat, it's what you don't see me eating that is the key to my weight issues.

I know good and well that I can eat real, good, delicious foods and lose weight. I've done it before. What keeps me fat is my dependency on food. My funks, my depression, my cycles, my inconsistency and my private eating.

I've done some pretty wacky things when alone:

Okay maybe not quite like that. But, I've eaten in my car more times than I can even begin to say. I even bought these lemon filled cookies once and hid them in my underwear drawer (in the package, of course) which were later found by Josh looking for a pair of socks. He asked me about it, he questioned why I was hiding food and  I just sat there. Two worlds collided. My secret world and my real world were staring each other in the face and I was embarrassed.

My bad habits are skeletons in my closet. They are shameful little secrets that no one knows about. How I used to go from one fast food place to another so that I could amass food without them knowing I was ordering all of that food just for me. How I've thrown food out of the car window. How I've eaten a pint of icecream in the car without a spoon. Or the little weird habits that I pick up while eating in private. If a car passes, I pretend not to be eating.

The only way for me to get over this is by sharing it. To stop fearing it and to be open about it. The more that I keep this behavior a secret the more control that I give it. I am writing this as a way to "come clean" and to move forward. My goal is to stop eating in my car. And to stop eating secretly. I'm not saying I can't eat along, because that doesn't make any sense, but avoiding behavior that I wouldn't participate in front of other people. And  telling you guys about it, not out of punishment, but to get over this once and for all.