Today I am sitting here drinking a green smoothy as refuge against holiday baking. The other day I had oatmeal cookies and did Jillian's workout and the day before tae bo. And that's how it's going. My plan from my last entry, it's safe to say, will not go into effect until after the holidays and I'm okay with that.  All I ask of myself for the next week is to exercise, be mindful, have fun and blog.

I have a lot of new goals for the new years that I will post as soon as I finish my list. But, I have a resolution too. To stop blogging about what I am going to do, but rather, what I am doing. when I don't do something it only makes me feel worse and I just don't want to go down these cycles with myself. Of blogging about what I want to do, not doing it then not blogging because I feel bad for not doing it 100% perfect. I aim so high that I miss the point of the every day tedium and enjoys of getting healthy.

I'm going to stop beating myself up for not blogging so much in 2009. I did a lot. I did a lot that I'm proud of. I had a great year, and I know that 2010 will be even better. I know those pending goals from 2009 will happen in 2010. I know I will be healthier. I feel it coming.

I've been thinking a lot about how I am going to lose this weight and why. Something I've spent three years doing here except for one thing. I've never evaluated a diet plan and how it meets my needs. I need to lose weight, this is a fact.

I know that I need: rules, accountability and flexibility in a program in order for it to work. Having a list of foods that are always off-limits no matter what does not work for me, nor does counting points or calories. I know what foods make me feel bad and what gives me energy, I know what is too much and what is enough. I know how to lose weight, but I always play the game and get on board with anything that is put in front of me. But what if I make my own rules?

This is what I came up with:

Rules, Flexibility, Consistency and Accountability.

High Energy Food that is non-addictive:

Meat: chicken, beef, seafood, pork

Vegetables: All except potatoes

Grains: 100% whole grain pasta, bread and crackers, oatmeal

Beans: All beans and legumes

Fat: olive oil or nut oils

Dairy: Eggs, 1 serving of milk or cheese daily

Nuts: unsalted walnuts or almonds

fruit: 1-2 servings

Low Energy Food:

Refined sugar, flour, starchy, processed carbs or empty calories.

Flexible day: One day a week of my choosing for eating favorite meals out etc. In order to enjoy this day I must exercise at least 45 minutes.

Basic rules: Eat high energy foods majority of the time, in the amount of satisfaction. Follow guidelines when eating out unless if is a flexible day of eating. No calorie counting is required, but keeping a food journal is for record keeping. I must weigh in once a week and subtract amount lost from total weight loss goal tally (goal: 145 lbs lost)

Flexible exception:If you choose to eat a low energy food item in moderation IE: one cookie, one serving of potatoes, one white flour roll etc. Add 30 minutes of cardio to the day for each serving consumed.

Exercise plan:

6 days a week of at least 45 minutes of cardio. One day for rest is permitted except for flexible eating day. 1-2 days of strength training.

I had not checked in with my list of goals for the year since, oh, January and was surprised to see what I actually did and didn't do. Mostly surprised with what I did do. Here is the list:
Work in a new environment at least twice a week (IE: library, coffee shop etc) - I did this a couple of times while I was still working from home. I went to the library and found it to be way too loud (I'm anal) and distracting for me. Eventually, I got a job and work in an office.

Start making at least $1**.00  dollars a day on a regular basis (at least 5 out of 7 days) - I think this answer could go in the "things I shouldn't share" category, but I tend to be an open book and not care about this sort of thing. I did meet this goal, although not in the way that I had planned, or maybe hoped for.

Open a craft/art related etsy shop- yes! I did this: www.forgottenfinds.comand oliverjewelry.etsy.com  they are both works in progress, but I they have been huge source of inspiration and happiness in my life.

Send thank you cards for all gifts received- wow! I'm surprised at how bad I was at this, I'm still sending out wedding thank you cards. very bad manners.

Send at least one handwritten letter a month- again, very bad at this too. I think I sent two or three letters out this year and felt very weird and vulnerable writing on paper.

Improve both blogs (Token Fat Girl, Beautiful Layers) with daily posts, improve writing and grammar- I can't say I've done much to improve my writing on grammar, but beautifullayers.com is very close to how I've always wanted it to be visually. I wish I would have been more consistent over here though.

Become debt free from credit cards, work on paying off student loans- This partially happened. I'm still working on both, they are considerably smaller and my score has greatly increased.

Once credit card debt is paid off, generate enough income to comfortably afford an office/creative space outside of home- This is still a long-term goal of mine. For now, I'd be happy to live in a space that supports working from home again in a more sane environment. Our house is way too small for us both to work out of.

Read 100 books of my choosing-I know for sure I did not reach this goal. I think I read about 15 novels and the rest were self-improvement, craft books, cook books or creative know-how books in general. I really would like to read more novels next year.

Lose 110 pounds (a little over 9lbs a month)- I don't know whether to laugh or cry about this one. Did not meet this goal, not even close.

Document life/the year in a scrapbook, daily activities photos etc. celebrate the year through visual art journaling- I really wish I would have done this more consistently. I was given a very nice wedding scrapbook and plan to put together something over the holidays to look back on over the year.

Get a passport- Did this! Now, I need to get one with my new last name.

Find volunteer work at least twice a month- I volunteered approximately 10 times this year.

Finish the self-esteem workbook- did not do this.

Become more proficient in Illustrator cs3 and photoshop cs4-I become more proficient in indesign and added a few new skills in illustrator and photoshop.

Become more proficient with digital camera and taking better photographs-somewhat. My natural lighting photos are much better, its the low light photos that are terrible. I think this has to do with my lens though.

Work on paintings and illustrations daily, develop style- I worked a lot of painting and illustration techniques. I participated in a figure drawing class for about 8 weeks at the beginning of the year.

Make 75 pieces of artwork- Did this!

Perform at least 50 random acts of kindness- this one is humbling and I honestly wish I would have done more for others this year. I'm going to make this a reality by the new year.

Take a dance class- Nope, not this year.

Take an aerobics class- I took tai chi and qigong

Learn to plant an organic garden, document first home-grown meal- I planted a flower garden (and built the bed myself) we also planted sage, parsley and tomatoes which I did eat. Next year I would like to do it right.

Paint kitchen cabinets gray- did not do this and probably never will as we plan to move in 2010

Paint trim in house- same as above

Paint an accent wall in the living room- same as above

Take a really good self-portrait - i did not do this, but I want to before the end of the year

Completely organize office and creative space- I did this! I will post photos online

Join/create a book club- did not do this

Get health insurance - did this, still rooting for single payer health care. We can do better, America.

Go to the dentist- I went at the beginning of the year to have a filling replaced. I plan to have an examination in January.

Get a physical- frightening. haven't done this yet.

Be more picky about those I invest time and emotional energy in- more positive/ambitious/supportive people- I think I focused more on how I let others influence me

Join/create cooking club (online or local)- no! but soon!

Go one month without eating out- end the month with a fancy dinner-haha I hope Josh doesn't read this : )

Go to one public art event a month- This happened maybe 6 out of 12 months

Do not buy any clothes in current or larger sizes, clothing may only be purchased if needed in a smaller size- I purchased only my current size or smaller. I have a couple of pairs of size 20 jeans that -barely- fit. I donated all of my size 24-26 pants

Hand make all Christmas presents- half and half

Use only fabric bags when shopping-this one was hard to stick with! I always found myself without a bag. I need to leave them in the car. When I do carry them I feel like a do-gooder which can be a good thing or bad, either way I did it more this year than last

Go to at least five concerts/live music events-I saw the Avett Brothers and went to a couple of concerts that I volunteered at

Keep a gratitude journal- Did not do this, but not a bad idea.

Randomly send a nice gift to someone anonymously (3x)- okay, i should totally do this, but I think sending unmarked mail is illegal these days. I could put random gifts on my co-workers desks, which could be fun for the holidays.

Recycle through clothing every two months-donate to goodwill, remix old clothing- i did this!

Plan thoughtful/creative wedding, Get married and go on honeymoon with Josh- yes!!

Plan weekly menu’s and stick to them for at least 12 weeks out of the year- I am a very bad planner! i did not do this

Visit a new city- asheville and frederick!

Learn to make a pinhole camera and make a series of photographs- not yet, but josh got me a kit to learn how.

Create a themed series of artwork, look into having a show (this includes 100 pieces of artwork goal)- I sold at a craft fair, that was about it

Find unique ways to make money- start a business venture (IE: creative consultant, such as renaissance creative services like photography, illustration, design etc) - I made a few banners for online friends and started my two etsy shops

Read “how to talk to anyone” (can be included in 100 books read goal)-not yet and I still don't know how to talk to anyone

Complete artists way 12-week book workshop (this can be included in the 100 books goal)- nope!

Make an effort to spend time with new people at least once a month- sort of, but not entirely.

I had to post about my breakfast this morning! had to. so good. When I had my sister in law take a photo of this with her phone, i didn't know how good this would turn out.  If you like the ingredients...make it. today.

This morning in an effort to actually eat breakfast and lunch today that does not involve a package of pho or fast food I threw a bunch of ingredients in a bag and headed out. Two eggs, arugula, pita, feta etc.

And this is what I came up with:

These were nice looking pitas at the store. Unlike the usual pale, grainy and bitter tasting ones these were brown, chewy and flavorful. I preheated the oven to 400 degrees and then cut my pita in half. Next I drizzled with olive oil, sprinkled with organic feta, raw cheddar, garlic flakes (lots of those) and dried basil. Placed in the oven for about 5-6 minutes and started cooking up two local eggs in the skillet. 

Once the pitas were done I topped each with an egg, arugula and a few cherry tomatoes. This was so good! And fulfilled a lot of what I wanted this morning: protein, filling, nourishing, and delicious.

I need to blog the good, the not so good and the ugly around here more often. Keepin' it real. Today was not a picture perfect food day, but I want to share it anyway...

Breakfast:

Lunch: local whole wheat bread with feta, raw cheddar, sauce, garlic, olive oil and local arugula salad with amy's green goddess

snack: double shot, two chocolates

Dinner: two servings

This is an example of a weird and random eating day. I didn't bring any food with me for breakfast, this is a habit I go in and out of. I get to work so early that it doesn't leave a lot of room for eating at home or fixing something at work. Solution? Planning ahead. Have breakfast planned out or ready the night before, or keep easy breakfast items at work that are ready to go. IE: items that I won't end up over eating. Hard boiled eggs and oatmeal come to mind.

Lunch was a lot better.  I went to the store at lunch time and prepared this quickly in the office kitchen.

Snack? What the hell is this? I was feeling grumpy and moody after work. For no good reason. And then I got my vintage dress form and thought one of these iced coffee's that I have a soft spot for would be awesome. And it really was. And then I had two chocolates. I don't even like boxed chocolates. This was pointless.

Dinner? I cook, I swear. This is unusual even for me. When I got home I wasn't overly hungry and was so excited about my creative projects that I didn't even think about food until 8pm. At that point I was ready to start working on christmas presents with my sister-in-law so I grabbed these crackers and headed to her house. This was a lame dinner. They filled me up, but they left me bloated from all the salt.

Solution? plan. plan. plan. oh, and keeping the dishes clean, I hate cooking when there are dirty dishes.

Exercise did not happen today mainly because I didn't schedule it in or make it a priority.

I am happy that I came home and kept busy throughout the evening instead of crashing in front of the TV. I worked on a lot of creative projects which made food take a back seat.

Goals for tomorrow:
Wake up at 5am, do at least 30 minutes on the elliptical before work. Bring breakfast and lunch items to eat. Plan what I will either eat out for dinner or prepare for dinner. Blog how I did

I miss you. It's been two weeks and well, I let Thanksgiving week get the best of me. I ate, mostly sensibly, but I ate out of my cleansing guidelines and haven't been exercising and now it's a week later and here I am. 

The cleansing diet is hard, but I felt so good. I wasn't starving in the morning, my mood was stable, I had more energy and yet why do I let the inconvenience of it all keep me from sticking with it? The three weeks that I was doing well I always thought "this should be how I eat most of the time and everything else occasionally".

Protein and vegetables should be 80% of my diet and the rest would be the remaining. I know this.

I don't want to go down the road of "what is wrong with me?" or "why can't i stick to anything?" because I don't feel that way. I feel good. I feel positive that I will get to my goals. That I am getting healthier and that I will be where my body needs to be for long-term health. I know it will happen.

I think it would be unrealistic of me to think that I will go the rest of the month without baking or enjoying holiday foods. But, how much do I need? Do I need this month to be so indulgent that I just fill bloated and lethargic all the time? I want to bake and cook.

I want to share my ideas for both here and in my other blog. I want balance (I always want balance) and I want moderation and health. I want to exercise daily.

I need you, blog. I need to come here daily, even on the days when I struggle. Not to punish myself or to ask for other people to do so (trust me, they have) I want to share again, because I have a lot to share.

One of my favorite blogs is The Hidden Seed. Not only because of her stunning daily outfits, but because of her mission statement. If you get a chance, read the story behind her blog. I believe whole heartily in what she is sharing and why. This is kind of where I want to be.

Will you give me another chance?

Thanks for listening.

xo  Lorrie