Occasionally something will happen to us so often that we accept how it feels and then when it's no longer there we forget why we ever accepted the way things were.

I've been making it a habit with my healthful eating plan to make note of how I feel in a little journal. Noticing small and big changes as I move through the next few weeks. One big change that is so confusing and well accepted by me is my lack of hunger and cravings.

I first noticed this on saturday when I had a green apple for lunch before I went out to go shopping. I forgot about eating until that evening. Which is not a good thing, but so surprising for me I just went with it. Sure I was tempted by all of the comforting ideas of seasonal food (flavored coffee, or christmas candy were high on that list) but, aside from my initial knee-jerk reaction to comfort myself I just did not have hunger.

Hunger for me that I can recall after all of these years is very uncomfortable. I get grouchy, irritable, nauseous and that feeling of  IF I DON'T EAT RIGHT THIS SECOND I WILL EAT YOUR ARM OFF. Which looking at it more closely could be a symptom of high and low blood sugar spikes.

Now that I feel stable in that area, I seem to be able to go longer periods without food and caving to cravings. When I wake up I don't feel that empty -sick feeling of hunger. Hunger is there, but it is more subtle and less uncomfortable.

Its too early to assume I am cured of this desire to overeat, because I'm not. But, I really like how I feel. I like being able to go about my day and not be consumed with the thought of eating or wondering how I'm going to sneak extra food in my day.

This is the time when I want to start to slip into old habits. In the week that I've been following this program to feel better, I've realized a couple of things about myself...

For starters, I find I have not always kept up the environment for real change. Making changes to be healthier when you are otherwise not, or at least somewhat kind of doing so, requires being prepared. I find that if there are dirty dishes I don't want to cook and therefore want a "quick fix", I also find that there are times when I just don't want to cook and reach for the quickest thing to eat.

Following this plan has required me to plan ahead, cook more for the next day and to expect that it isn't going to be perfect. Perfect is a big word. Why do anything if it won't be perfect? That is a huge underlying current of my life. I struggle with this blog, why blog if it isn't up to some standard I've held for myself.

And I'm here to be the first person to say...this mentality does not work when you are trying to progress and move forward. Action of any kind is as perfect, as perfect will ever get.

The thing is, is that I know how to be a healthy person. I know that the way I have been eating this week is how I should eat majority of the time. Does that mean I can't have dinners out in the future of my favorite Indian meal? no. Does that mean I can't find room for baking and enjoy treats sometimes? no. What it does mean is finding balance.

Anytime I start a program I begin to feel uncomfortable. I start feeling sad and sorry for myself because I'm not eating comforting foods in excess. Foods that ultimately make me sick. Foods that decrease my energy rather than increase. Foods that make me feel depressed. Yet, turning to food for comfort is a huge crutch for me. I know it will always be there. What happens when you take that away? Uncomfortable feelings creep up and the desire becomes strong to cover them up with food.

Everyday this week I have felt energetic, happy and good about the food I have been eating. Physically the rewards of eating good are amazing, mentally all I want to do is watch the Food Network and feel sorry for myself about all the food I'm not cooking and eating right now. Last night I caved and made myself a spinach tortilla pizza with cheese. Cheese is not on my plan right now and I made it because it was quick, easy, comforting and familiar. This isn't to say that I think this is the worst food ever and no one should ever enjoy it because there is a balance.

But after I ate it I felt my old friend lethargy creep up. The thing about feeling tired is, is that food has a lot to do with it. How much energy we put out is another factor. I think I've gone a long time accepting food-moods and lethargy as a way of life. In the future, I know I will eat pizza, but it is the other actions around the pizza that give it balance. It can either take away from my health or add balance to it. I can eat nice foods all day and after eating it not think "well I ate that, I might as well eat a pint of ice cream" and then there goes exercise. And back to where I started.

I know this is a big rambly mess, but I needed to get this out. And that is ultimately why I do this and tend to forget.

This morning all I could think was "oooh I could just go get a biscuit while I'm out and start my plan all over again on Sunday" and "then I could find something sweet". I have these thoughts and I need to confess to them, not because I'm a bad person, but because this is my reality. This is why I weigh what I do for as long as I have.

My action plan for today has nothing to-do with biscuits or sweets. If it did, I would get little done today. I'm going thrift shopping and working on my new blog: www.beautifullayers.comwhich could not have come at a better time. It's a feel good non-food related outlet for me. I need these blogs. Josh is taking me out for a nice steak and salad dinner. I'm going to take all of my supplements today. I'm going to clean the kitchen and I'm going to be prepared with food.

This is what my food looks like lately... wild salmon, wild greens...it's a wild time around here! I crack myself up. I tried quinoa for the first time this week. Man that stuff is crazy. First it tastes like a grain, but it is actually a seed that used to be rare and worshipped. It has a lot of protein (7grams per serving) and even more fiber, 11 grams! It is really good. I stirred in a little olive oil, garlic and a pinch of sea salt for taste and it was really good.

I purchased these from the natural section at Kroger, they are organic and about $4 for the package. I've been making my own oil based dressings with garlic and roasted red peppers since I can't have vinegar right now. What else? Roasted chicken, eggs, spinach, walnuts and almonds.

So far the pro's: I've been peeing (tmi) a lot which means I'm losing water weight and ridding myself of excess bloat. win, win. I've felt really good, no brain fog, not energy crashes from sugar and carbs, and no mid-day slumps. I also genuinely enjoy what I'm eating. And not that I'm being obsessive about my weight, but the scale has been going down, down, down.

Con's: The supplements I'm taking are not the best things in the world and if I'm being totally honest I haven't been taking them as often as I should be. It has been hard to get into the habit of remembering to take them with every meal. I am working on getting better at this.

I still have sugar cravings. I was faced with cake and mindlessly shoved two bites into my mouth. And then I realized that I'm off of sugar. oh yeah. I didn't beat myself up over it, just moved on. It hasn't helped that I've been PMSing like crazy, but that have been relieved. Man, I'm classy.

This is not convenient. I love eating out with Josh. We love Indian food and trying out new restaurants, this makes it really hard when you are trying to eat local meat and following a plan that in a restaurant means only eating...lettuce. yum. I have bent my local meat rules a bit, as I just can't starve when given no other options. Like yesterday, I went to an indesign workshop where they served lunch. The best option for me was chili and tossed salad. I put the chili on the salad and called it a day. This plan requires planning, prepping food, and being prepared which isn't always easy and having leftovers is a huge necessity for me.

Its no mistake that I cannot keep up with blogging around here as much as I used to. I feel like the more I try to keep up, the less I want to write and then don't. So I'm going to work on trying less. I want to do so much, which is impossible, but its hard to let-go of projects and dreams. In the end, I know that taking on too much leaves me spinning my wheels.

With that said...

I did want to pop in and write about what I have been doing. The action part of getting healthy. I will let you in on a little secret... I am slightly nuts. Oh, you know that? Well, I have health phobias, I always worry about doing the right thing or the wrong thing. Or being the freak patient that ends up on dateline or 20/20 leaving people wondering how they can avoid that freak accident. That missed warning sign. Wow.

I decided recently to give a shiatsu massage a try here locally. My upper neck and back were holding a lot of tension and it really helped. When I went in my right foot was hitting one inch higher than my left. He told me this and all I could think of was "freak show", I should just get sent off to the circus now. By the end of the session my feet aligned (thank goodness) and I was walking better. He asked me about my thyroid, and we discussed getting healthier not just with random massages, but with real nutritional changes. I thought about it and went to see his wife who is a N.D. (Naturopathic doctors ).

I am sometime skeptical, but in general I don't like typical doctors who treat symptoms rather than the root of health issues. I don't have any real issues right now, but I know that I very well could down the road. Some days when I eat too much sugar or carbs, I feel like crap. I feel lethargic and foggy. And so yesterday I embarked on a 6 weeks cleanse to sort of rewind if you will.

I'm taking two supplements that are just herbal remedies, one is seaweed based and the other kills excess yeast in the body. The goal is to achieve a balanced thyroid, more energy, lessened sugar cravings and overall better health. I found out one of my co-workers followed a similar plan when she lived in Oregon and said "it was the best I ever felt".

Basically, I can stay within the meats (nothing processed like bacon, or sausage), vegetables (no starch), a couple of specific fruits a week, whole grain such as quinoa, healthy fats like olive or coconut oil, and no dairy, vinegar and a handful of other specific items. I can have garlic, which is a life saver for me.

I'm not doing this primarily to lose weight, but lets face it...I will. I'm doing this for wellness and balance. I'm doing this as a personal challenge. It will be hard, thanksgiving is in the next 6 weeks and I'm okay with that. I've had a hundred slices of pie in my life, one holiday can be sacrificed. This isn't a forever diet, a lot of what I will learn will stick with me after 6 weeks, but moderation is always key long term. I'm willing to sacrifice now for better health later.

I've also starting a once a week two-hour tai chi class (we are doing something else, but I can't remember what it is called it starts with a q) it is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Mostly just staying in position and keeping good posture has proven to be difficult to me.

I will update how and what I am doing. How I am feeling, and what I miss. Yesterday I was feeling sorry for myself. And then I stopped feeling that way when I realized how good I felt.

For breakfast I had two eggs, lunch I had homemade chicken soup, snack of walnuts and dinner was roasted salmon with quinoa and a wild greens salad and homemade roasted pepper and tomato dressing. All good stuff, nothing to feel sorry for myself about. I was never hungry, and had energy! No brain fog. My seaweed supplement tastes like ass, but again...I can do this.