5K:

We got up early on Saturday to start our 5k run/walk, one that we have been walking on our road off and on all summer to prepare for. The local paper confirmed to be there at 8:30, and so we went. 8:35 am we head towards the local high school and spot...people running. We were late. Turns out, 8:30 was the run time, not the sign up time.

I felt like an idiot, I was nervous before I went and I actually cried in the car because though I was nervous I wanted to go. Josh wanted to participate, but cheered me up by saying that we would do even better next year, which is true. I didn't know how to blog about that, I was looking forward to blogging about my experience. Being the slowest, or making it up the last hill, or whatever. I was worried that no one would believe me that I was accidentally late "of course you were" wink. wink. I was shooting for a 50-55 minute time this year and feel that by this time next year my time could be much better.

Food:

I have been intentionally meatless for almost seven weeks now. Except for two times, one was bacon on a shrimp and spinach salad. This was my first week in and I was just in autopilot "mm bacon" and then later though "uh, i ate bacon" oh well. Time number two was during my catering gig where I tasted a small bite of the roast beef. I was worried it would be too tough, or not flavorful enough.

Which then begins a small problem with catering. I like to know what I'm serving and how it tastes, so if it has meat in it, what do you do?

I'm not calling myself a "vegetarian" because well, I don't like labels and have considered eating strictly local/organic meat on occasion. I bought the beef and shamefully let it go to waste. I just could not eat it.  I don't know how you go from eating meat your entire life, even living off of meat on the atkins diet for 6 months, and now am turned off from eating it. How does this happen?

I have had seafood about five times in the past seven weeks, but again would prefer fresh seafood which is hard to come by in these parts. When I go out to eat, I order the vegetarian option. Living in Floyd makes that part easy and just opt for vegetable, bean, seafood and dairy options.

I'm really regular now which is either the lack of meat or consuming more beans. I'll go with the latter.  Overall it has been really easy to stick with. I will update if and when I decide to go the local meat route.

Blogging Schedule:

I realize that my blogging is really sparse lately. I kind of equate it to skipping class in college. It snowballed for me, I wouldn't do my homework and then I would skip class and then it just felt like I was so behind that I didn't know where to pick up again. Where was I headed, or what was I doing.

Someone left a snarky comment on my recent post about not knowing the direction of my blogging stating
"maybe you aren't blogging because you are still fat and eating too much". dizzam! I've lost and regained the same weight for awhile now, yet still blogged because I had that as a goal.

Lately I've been doing weight-loss blog worthy things, but have lost the desire to blog about it. Feeling that I was so behind. Doing 5k walks, working out on the elliptical, going to the gym before work or even doing weight training are things I would normally share. I've been making a lot of "real food" recipes lately, and coming up with clothing ideas for the stuff already in my closet. Its not that I've fallen off of the proverbail wagon with my life and shying away from blogging, its just that I feel pressure sometimes to be someway or another which is totally brought on by me.

And so I've decided to give a blogging schedule a try for this month to see how it goes. I have a back log of blog posts in my head that I want to write.

September first (tomorrow) I will post my goals for the month. I will also start doing daily updates of the food I eat and the exercise I'm doing.

September 2nd: beach prep post: packing check-list and beach readying myself as much as possible, post about bathing suits etc. will also post food i eat and exercise

September 3rd-8th going to the beach!!

September 9th: vacation recap, what i ate, exercise

September 10th: local thursdays: this is my one day a week that I dedicate to eating only the foods that are grown locally, blogging about the food, where it came from and recipes. exercise post

September 11th: blogging contest, what i ate, exercise

September 12th: first 12 days of the month goal recap: what I've done so far to reach this months goals. what i ate, exercise etc.

September 13th: Beginning of fall fashion week: This will be a week where I do new fashion remixes, how to wear the clothes you already have in a new way, how to alter your clothes to make them new again and outfit ideas from my favorite online stores. I will participate in every activity and blog about it. 

September 14th: Fall Fashion Week day 2. New Banner Design Debut. Exercise and what I ate.

September 15th: Fall fashion week day 3. what i ate and exercise.

September 16th: fall fashion week, what i ate and exercise

September 17th: local thursdays, fall fashion week, what i ate and exercise

September 18th: fall fashion week  + review

September 19th: fall fashion week wrap up. check in with goals

Sep. 20th: ending procrastination and gaining strength week. what i ate, exercise

sept. 21st: EP week, what i ate and exercise

Sept. 22nd: EP week, blogosphere highlights

Sept. 23rd: review, EP week, What I ate , exercise

Sept. 24th: local thursdays, ep week, what i ate, exercise

Sept. 25th Ep week , what i ate

Sept. 26th:  EP week wrap up, what i ate, check in with goals

Sept. 27th Beauty and Maintenance Week, what i ate and exercise

Sept. 28th: B and M week, what I ate, exercise, inspiration to-go update

Sept. 29th. B and M week: what I ate, exercise, around the blogosphere

Sept. 30th: B and M week, What I ate , Exercise, review

Yesterday I cooked some food for an event for Josh's mom. I hate to say catering, because I'm not a caterer, but that is what I did. I had invaluable help from Paula my wedding dress maker extraordinaire.

It feels really nice that my cooking was trusted enough to pull this off, so thank you (kamala and jack) for that. I love to cook and felt inspired after watching Lori our wedding caterer pull off many events. She has limitless energy.

This whole process was hard, yet rewarding and always finding a correlation I couldn't help but feel the effects of achieving a goal. When I was first asked to cater, I made a menu:

• Slow roasted beef with mushrooms, onion and garlic
• lemon and herb roasted chicken
• roasted potatoes with pesto sauce
• tabbouleh salad made with whole wheat french couscous
• fruit spread
• vegetable tray with homemade creamy garlic dip
• mixed greens with vinaigrette a balsamic and Dijon mustard dressing
• artisan bread
• brie with raspberry jam, grapes and crackers
• goat cheese with fruit and crackers
• caprese salad
• phyllo tarts filled with sweetened vanilla cream cheese, topped with berries and sprinkled with lime zest
• key lime cream tarts with graham cracker crust, sprinkled with lime zest and topped with sweet cherries
• chocolate mousse cups with European ginger crackers
• I did not make the peach crisp or goat cheese pesto stuffed tomatoes like I had planned.

Then I put together a binder and dedicated sections for the menu, schedule, check lists, shopping list, recipes and inspirational ideas for the table and food displays.

First thing in the morning I went to the store to buy local chickens and got right to the schedule. It was hard work, and some things had to be improvised, other things had to be let go, but I could not have been happier with the results. The process was not perfect and there were a lot of things I could have done better, but there was no alternative other than to keep going.

I started  thinking about weight loss and sticking with goals. Yesterday when I hit a road block, I didn't give up. I was consistent, I stayed on schedule and I kept going until I reached my goal. I had support along the way, I asked for help and checked tasks off as I went along.

This is stuff that I never do with weight loss. When I hit a bump, I let it set me back. When it gets too hard, or something unexpected happens, I give up. When I need support, I rarely ask for it. I don't stay focused, determined to meet my goals.

Finishing something, anything, like catering is really beneficial to me. Completing something that I started and reaching a goal to the best of my abilities makes me realize that yes I can make anything happen if I put my mind to it and invest my energy. Though my weight is going down and I'm in the lower 260's now, I really took a lot away from this process.

When people asked me why in the world I would want to cater yesterday, all I could say was "it is a learning experience" and that it was.

I will say that catering is also good for losing weight, at least for me. I had no desire to eat although I was around food all day, something about cooking and doing physically hard work makes me not hungry. Taking the time to prepare food, good food, makes it more than just something I would want to overeat.

Here are some photos, they are a little blurry as I quickly snapped them after set-up before guests arrived.

(this is paula, my partner in crime)

I'm ready for my next "catering" gig!

My  Smooth Fitness Agile DMT X1 Elliptical Machine was delivered and set up for me today. Thanks to SmoothFitness.com for giving me the opportunity to try out their machine and review it on my blog.

When I got home to find an elliptical machine in the living room I couldn't believe that this is where my blog has taken me. Because of this I've met new people, tried new experiences, and also get to try new products. An elliptical! I didn't know exactly what to expect, but so far it has exceeded any expectation I may have had.

Josh used the machine for two hours while watching MSNBC saying "I feel like I'm not wasting time watching the news anymore, now I can get a workout". I agreed, now I can watch all of my guilty pleasure shows and movies, while working out. My first choice was Becoming Jane, because I'm a sucker for romance and couldn't justify watching it for a third time unless, well, I was exercising.

The DMT X1 Elliptical has personalized settings for up to six people (possibly eight, I can't remember) and keeps track of your height, weight, age, gender and specified fitness program. You can change your angle, and intensity. I kept my angle at about a 2 and my intensity at about a 4 (it goes to 16). I broke a sweat within the first 5 minutes and felt like I had a really intense workout after 60 minutes. I made it all the way to the dance scene where Jane and Thom first kiss.

There is a fan, programs with intervals of intensity, an automatic sleep-mode, a heart rate monitor and calorie counter. It is also very quiet. If it wasn't for Josh's random huffing or grunting I wouldn't have known he was even working out.

It's helpful and convenient for us to have a machine in our home, not only for watching TV (guilt free) but for rainy and soon coming snowy days when we can't make it outside for a walk. I like that I can wake up and throw on some clothes and not worry about scaring anyone at the gym with my morning face. 

The DMT X1 Elliptical from www.SmoothFitness.com:

***And. for the winners of my In Defense of Food drawing: Deb bel and Ered blue! congratulations and thank you all for your kind comments. I can't tell you how gratifying it is to hear that other people are on the same page as you are! I have so much more to explore on the topic of "real food".

Deb and Ered, send me your addresses to tokenfatgirl@gmail.com and I'll get your books right out to you.

The weekend before last we drove to my hometown in WV to see my mom graduate from the LPN to RN program at the nearby college. Go mom! On our way there and back we listened to In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan and I have to say after reading loads of diet books, watching documentaries like Fast Food Nation and Food Inc. nothing has affected my lifestyle more than this book. The common sense theories jumped out at me and I found myself excitedly saying to josh “this is so obvious! Why is this concept so hard?” and then I realized that the way we currently eat has been normalized by capitalism and advertising. Wow.

That basic message of In Defense of Food, for me, was and still is eating real food. What is real food? Anything that hasn’t been processed, you recognize every ingredient in and is as close to the earth as possible. I loved what he said about Americas obsession with nutritionism which is, in short, finding a “super nutrient” in food such as protein or fiber or omega-3’s and injecting it in food that isn’t real and then calling it health food. Go to the store and you will find yogurt that has been filled with fiber or nutrition bars filled with protein. Science has pinpointed a helpful nutrient in real food and then found a way for us to eat in food that isn’t real. I can’t tell you how often I’ve relieved my conscience by eating sugary non-food bars because “it has fiber!” or convinced myself that protein in foreign-weird tasting nutrition bars is “health food”. He explains that we don’t know the exact relationship that the nutrients in whole grains that make fiber helpful, but just extracting fiber has not helped us become healthy people.

We’ve taken something as simple as yogurt and made it into non-food. We have been made scared by the ploys of people selling non-food into believe real food is bad for us. How many times have we been made to feel guilty about all the fat and calories in an avocado a fruit that has many nutrients and health benefits, while handed chemical food in healthy packaging and believing that was the better choice? As if I can’t believe it’s not butter, or heart smart were acceptable with their laundry list of fake ingredients. Pasta now has omega-3, bread now has tons of protein. How is this normal? And why am I so mad that I’ve bought into this for a very long time. I’ve been around long enough to have experienced every fad from low fat, low carb to high protein. And I’ve been in every single one of them eating non-food diet-food thinking that it was going to make me not fat.

I am still fat.

Companies seemingly are not making a ton of money from real food. And guess what? Real food is really good. Since moving to Floyd, my real food quota has gone up exponentially. I have the chance to buy real food at local stores and farmed less than 50 miles away. I never knew what peaches really tasted like, or that fresh tomatoes and natural full-fat yogurt are worthy of cravings. Sometimes when I make real food for others, I get asked “is this healthy?” because maybe olive oil or real butter from local cows was spied from over my shoulder and I reply “yes, this is real food”.

I once believed that eating a lean cuisine diet meal was healthful diet food. Lean cuisine is gross compared to real traditional Indian, Italian or greek food. Traditional food, made with real ingredients is healthful and it makes me sad that I’ve believed otherwise for years. I’ve been made to feel guilt for preferring real food.

My question has gone from “is this diet food?” to “is this real food?” because the two just are not interlinked. When I watched Julia and Julie in the theaters recently and realized that Julia Child got it. She loved food and you can see it her writing and in her cooking shows. She was not eating margarine, and definitely not Splenda. She made full-fat French food and loved it. This woman was not obese and lived until she was 94. However, a good lot of us who have been dieting and eating diet food off and on our wholes lives may not make it to 50, 60 or 70 without developing food related diseases. We are never full or satisfied because we are not eating real food. We are deprived from the fake food and overeat to compensate. We feel guilty when we do eat real food and punish ourselves. Is this a way to live?

I want to be a better eater. I don’t want to continue eating food substances thinking it is health food. I am asking myself “is this real food?” and if not, I pass. I’ve never ever in my life asked this question. I looked at the cereal, the poptarts, or the powdered donuts as an acceptable breakfast. I’ve felt better about sugar free or diet ice cream. I’ve felt for a long time, back behind the influence of food marketing, that surely this delicious real food was worth eating, enjoying and feeling satisfied over. Every time I post what I eat or a recipe I make I have people comment saying “well that could have been better for you if you used splenda” or “have you tried the new 1 point weight watcher bread, your breakfast would have been much healthier” or “you really shouldn’t cook with cream even if it is organic” or “it’s okay to have ice cream, as long as it is low fat” or “why didn’t you make that with low fat butter spread, you could have saved a few calories?”

Since listening to In Defense of Food which is not the end-all-be-all of food information, but definitely is a start for real food information, me and josh have been making a valid effort at eating better food. We spend money on real food even if it costs a little more. We spend a more time preparing food and thinking about meals even though we are busy. Because I can’t help but think the extra money and time in our health is a worthy enough cause.

So I turn this back to you, what is real food to you? How much time every week do you spend preparing meals? Do you support local agriculture?

Leave a comment any time between now and 6pm EST tomorrow (tuesday) and I will pick 2 commentors from random to send a copy of In Defense of Food.  (only US commenters are entered in the drawing.)

It's pretty bad when your husband asks you daily if you've updated your blog. And every day you keep adding it to your list of things to do. Since when did updating my blog become a to-do list item? For me, the to-do list is a place where tasks I really don't want to do go and hide for weeks on end.

While at BlogHer I had a chance to talk to Krissie and Fat Bridesmaid about why I haven't been blogging and never came up with a definite answer aside from losing direction. But now I'm convinced it is my lack of direction that is making it hard to keep coming back.

I am doing (to me) blog worthy stuff. I am pretty much primarily buying local food, I haven't eaten meat in a month (today!), I'm still training for a 5k at the end of the month, I've been making effort to wear cute outfits and yet the elephant in the room? I am still fat. I have fluctuated and maintained this weight for 2 years now. Yesterday I got on the scale: 273.

Sure, I haven't gained. And can perhaps say that I know how to maintain weight without gaining significantly, at least at this weight. And sure I don't weigh my old 315+ of my post West Virginia days, but where am I going? What are my new goals?

I feel like I want to take a big hose to this whole thing and start afresh with new focus, excitement, and dedication.

WHO AM I BLOGGING FOR?  Is the question that lingers and I ask myself a lot. A question that came up a lot during BlogHer. If I have a weight loss blog, yet have not lost blog worthy weight in over two years, what in the world have I been blogging about?

The life that still continues to happen, despite still being fat. Its true, I am still fat. And yet, I feel different than I did two years ago. I'm completely changed by blogging and by refusing to stop living my life because I haven't reached goal weight. Acceptance? Settling? I don't know.

Here is another fact. I have been doing some form of dieting or trying to lose weight in endless cycles and I know that if I had said two years ago "if I just focused on my health, eating better, moving more, rather than the number on the scale, rather than the next event coming up" I would not still weigh 273.

I keep waiting for the time in my life that I won't be too busy to take care of my health. A time when the dust has settled and planning for the next something has stopped. Guess what? That time will never come. I've come to realize that this is the action chapter of my life, and a good thing too, right? I have something planned almost every weekend until January. I've got a list of projects I'm working on, ideas I'm formulating, things I'm learning. It is all very fun and exciting and isn't going to stop any time soon so that I can "focus on losing weight."

I want to go back to the basics around here, blogging food, updating weight loss, talking about what I've learned, sharing outfit ideas etc. with the new twist of not following a new diet (other than the one of going back in time food-wise, and my deep interest in this) or trying to be x amount of weight by x amount of time. That isn't to say I want to be goal less, I just want to take weight loss off of my future to-do list and make it a current action that is happening everyday. Like brushing my teeth or washing my face.

Oh!

Thank you for the support and overwhelming response about my United Airlines experience. oh sigh. Are you ready for the response to my letter?

Dear Mrs. Burger,

Thank you for contacting us.  I appreciate the opportunity to respond.

I apologize that a member of our Untied Express Mesa airlines commuter
flight crew was not discreet or caring when you asked for a seat belt
extender.  Your feedback with be passed along to the management staff of
onboard services for Mesa airlines for their review with the crew from
your flight.

On behalf of United Airlines and United Express I want to thank you for
your feedback, patience, and continued support

Regards,

Ruth Smith
United Airlines Customer Relations

I giggled at the "untied airlines" which seems about right. This is a formulaic letter and that's just how it goes. I better go...my husband is cooking dinner and I'm hearing lots of whispered cursing in the kitchen, I'll be back tomorrow!