Here is yesterdays food for Krissie's Official QuestionsForDessert Food Journal Challenge.

***DISCLAIMER: PLEASE READ***

I should post a disclaimer of some sorts, I think, about the food I've been posting this week As you know I've been reading Geneen Roth's Breaking Free From Emotion Eating and have been following two guidelines (right now) with eating, well three, no dieting (IE: counting calories, or restricting foods), only eating when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm full and eating what I desire to eat.

When Geneen started letting go of diets and gave herself the freedom to eat whatever she wanted, when she was hungry she spend three weeks eating cookie dough. Breakfast, lunch and dinner every day was spent eating cookie dough. She ate it sitting down at the dinner table, savored it and had no guilt over it. She worried that she would only want cookies for the rest of her life, but eventually she got tired of them and realized that she was only eating them because in the past these cookies were seen as bad and therefore guilt inducing. She either avoided them like the plague or binged on them.

After three weeks she started listening to what her body really wanted, and eventually she began trusting that her body wanted healthier foods and it did. Once she was allowed to eat anything that she wanted her obsession with bad foods and binging was greatly diminshed, the power was gone.

Anyway, I've just begun my journey to break free from emotional eating and am allowing myself not to get too caught up into what I'm eating as long as I only eat when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm full and eating only what I truly want. Things that I normally would stress or obsess over are not off limits and I'm finding that I don't even want them when I allow them. I've wanted pulled pork, and pizza for weeks so that's what I've been eating. Is it healthy? Not particularly.

I'm not an advocate for how people should eat and lose weight. Please do not listen to me, I am only on this journey and just finding my own way. I know what foods are healthier for me, and am slowly getting to the point to actually wanting them on my own, without guidlines or feeling like I have to eat them to be good or to be guilt free.

Keeping a photo journal is for me, for record keeping and to see a progression in my choices. And for anyone curious as to what I'm eating.

Morning: pulled pork wrap

w/ ice tea sweetened with a little honey, 8 oz.

cool min clif bar

pepperoni and provolone grilled cheese on 35 cal whole wheat bread with olive oil butter

santa fe chicken salad from applebee's

In weight loss news I'm down to 278.5 thats about 12 lbs since January. If you break it down into months, that could equal out to be 72 lbs lost this year.

Today was day one in my 32 day Bridal Shower exercise challenge and I spent one hour and fifteen minutes at the gym. Strength training B , 15 minutes on the elliptical and 7 minutes on the stair climber.

This is the last day in February and exactly one month until my Bridal Shower, what does that have to do with anything? Well, I've talked about getting in shape for the wedding and I consider the Bridal Shower to be a milestone date on the road to June 6th.

Anyway, I've been inspired lately by Fat Bridesmaids Lenten goal of exercise everyday and have decided to join in on the challenge. This will be my Bridal Shower challenge and like her its all or nothing and will exercise every single day for at least 30 minutes starting today and going until March 28th.

My goal is to weigh at least 10 lbs. less by the bridal shower anything over that will be a bonus! I got on the scale this morning and I am at 278.5. I don't know why or how or what, but it feels so good! So my March 28th goal is 268.

To celebrate the Bridal Shower countdown, I made an inspired fashion remix for it. I want to put something cute together to wear by then and making these layouts to give me some ideas and inspiration. I love making these! I was talking to my mom this morning and she has been enjoying them too, but didn't care for some of the prices of the items. I have no intention of paying over $100 for shoes, but I make these as concepts and ideas. A lot of us already have variations of these outfits in our closets. Its all about wearing something in new ways and mixing and matching, you know?

(click photo to enlarge)

charcoal tights

white ruffled sweater

red ruffle shoes

polka dot swing dress

feathered headband

inseparable necklace

Necklace Description: "Once in a great long while, you find another soul that complements yours so perfectly, it’s as if you are two halves of the same whole. You’re inexplicably drawn to them, to the unexpected comfort their presence in your life creates. And at some point you realize that you’ll always be Inseparable."

Here is yesterdays food for Krissie's Official QuestionsForDessert Food Journal Challenge.

pulled pork sandwich w/ provolone on whole wheat bun (6x2)

one orange

coffee

cool mint clif bar

homemade mexican pizza

one orange

(click to enlarge)

Denim Light Bootcut Jeans

Your Boyfriend's Striped shirt

Belt

(optional, over shirt under breasts)

white tank top

moccasins

clutch

headband

earrings

Here is yesterdays food for Krissie's Official QuestionsForDessert Food Journal Challenge.

Cinnamon Chex Cereal w/ skim milk

Thin crust pepperoni pizza, put together by me.

organic chocolate milk

about 1/2 cup pulled pork made by me in the slow cooker

two oranges

I got on the scale this morning and I've lost weight! And my thoughts that followed: wow! I weigh less. What have I been eating? Is it the strength training that is paying off?  did I actually lose weight without dieting? I can't believe that I can actually trust myself to eat when I'm hungry. Didn't I eat too much the other day? I can't remember. I should keep track of what I'm eating so I can know what I'm eating to lose weight. What if I eat the wrong things next week and gain weight?

Followed with these feelings:

Fear: This is a fluke, how could I possibly keep this up? What if I ruin this?

Relaxed, excitement: Maybe I can eat more, I'm doing so well!

And so here it is, two weeks ago I weighed what I weighed this morning. I was excited: 280, finally and then I ate and ate and ate. I wrote about eating too much on the following Monday and then eating and sabotaging my way back up to 285.

And then a week ago I decided to stop dieting. forever. And I've been making the choice the eat when hungry, to stop when full and to stop the food guilt once and for all. And now I'm back down to 280 and what will not happen is another week of eating to sabotage my efforts. I will recognize what I've done differently to lose weight this time and keep going.

Its weird to say that I'm trying to lose weight without dieting. Because while I'm not counting calories or avoiding certains foods, I have changed the way I eat and think about food. I'm working on my relationship with food and carving guilt and obsession slowly out.

I've also been eating what I want to eat. That isn't to say that when I desire ice cream, I go out and eat a gallon. I'm realizing that it is normal to desire food, hungry or not. Its just a part of life, but I don't have to cave to every whim. Everyone desires food: thin people, healthy people, fat people. What I mean is, for dinner if I want spaghetti, I eat spaghetti. I make mental notes of what I ate earlier, eat it only when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. Eating less than I normally would.

I made is exactly how I wanted with ground chicken cooked in olive oil, a nice homemade sauce with feta sprinkled in. No counting, no obsession, no guilt.

Last week I wanted a homemade Mexican pizza. Cooked the flour tortillas in olive oil, topped with lean ground beef, re-fried beans, cheese, sauce, and tomatoes. I cut it in fours and ate it with a spinach salad, I was full after two wedges and gave the rest to Josh. I ate what I wanted to eat, I didn't want more later and was surprised that I didn't want to eat the whole thing and more. I enjoyed it.

I'm trusting myself more and if I feel like I eat past fullness I recognize it and move on instead of just deciding that the day is ruined and stuff myself to compensate. I am not a failure and what I will not do today is overeat to keep myself from reaching my goals.

Okay, so I'm sleepy and almost went to bed before posting my food from today. I'm here, I'm awake and ready to post my food for Krissie's Official QuestionsForDessert Food Journal Challenge.

This looks like a mess I skipped breakfast this morning and decided to eat at Cafe Del Sole before heading in to drawing class. I was very hungry by this point as it was almost 12:30 and opted for the curry chicken salad and potato salad on the side. My side choices were: potato chips, potato salad and pasta salad. I ate everything here and was satisfied with the meal.

Went to the grocery store after art class and picked a couple of these up. I drank this on the drive home and it was really good.

Turkey, ham, provolone, spinach and honey mustard on a whole wheat 6x2 inch bun for dinner.

Two and a half oranges ( I could seriously eat five oranges at a time) for a snack after dinner.

And so thats my day, I drank water with every meal. See you tomorrow! Sweet dreams...

{Click To Enlarge}

Straight Leg Jeans

Belted Trench

Classic Black Umbrella

Diego di Lucca Flat

Fringe Scarf in Seal

Gray Freshwater Pearl Earrings

This is what yesterday looked like for me, I hope you can read it Basically I followed my hunger throughout the day and wrote down what I ate. Today, I'm going to work on the same thing (eating only when hungry) and focusing on what my body wants to eat rather than what my brain wants to eat.

There were times yesterday when I was eating to prepare for hunger. Such as eating lunch because I didn't want to be hungry for the gym and I didn't want to go so soon after eating. So I ate, even though I wasn't overly hungry. Which is tricky. Sometimes I find that I will eat anyway if I feel like I haven't eaten enough. I really wanted fruit yesterday, but we go through fruit so quickly in our house that its hard to always have it. We go through bags of apples, oranges, grapes and bananas weekly, so a trip to the store is in order.

While making dinner I kept tasting and tasting and by the time it was ready I wasn't physically hungry anymore, but mentally felt like I hadn't eaten, so ate. I did eat though and will work on my dinner-making tasting.

We went to the gym yesterday and did strength training A and followed with close to an hour on the elliptical. I will take my jeans photo today as well.

We got back last night from a really nice trip to Asheville, NC. We ate some food, drank, bought books, listened to midnight farmers, ate Indian food (of course) and drove on the blue ridge parkway. Saturday was spent walking and more walking and even a small bit of getting lost (on foot, sorta drunk) on our way back to the hotel. Note to self: your GPS only works for driving

I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I had intended, but here are a few.

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I've come up with a new way to track my weight loss progress while going through some old clothes last week. At some point about five years ago I was a size 20 and I had a bunch of clothes in the size, but eventually sold them except for one pair of old navy jeans. I don't know why I kept them, possibly out of hope to someday wear them again. I tried them on and I couldn't get them up past my hips/upper thighs.

I knew they obviously wouldn't fit, but I had a visual of the weight I've put on and kept on since that short stint in the 240's. I was sad that I filled out places that didn't even exist at one point. Its a weird feeling, and sometimes easier to see numbers as something totally different than actual space that fat takes up.

Today, I'm going to shoot a picture of myself in those jeans exactly how they fit right now. And each week I'm going to continue taking a photo of myself in them until they fit and I can wear them. I know fitting in them is about 40lbs away from now. My goal is to fit into them by mid-summer. Its not that I'm partial to the jeans, they have a hole in the knee (due to an unforunate fall on my way to philosophy class, my junior year) , but that size is where I want to be next.

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Exercise Schedule for the week

Monday: Gym time, strength training A + at least 50 minutes of cardio

Tuesday: Biggest Loser Boot camp DVD + brisk walk outside (morning time)

Wednesday: (morning) Biggest Loser Boot camp (or tae bo)

Thursday: Gym time, strength training B + at least 50 minutes of cardio

Friday: (morning) Tae bo DVD or biggest loser boot camp

Saturday or Sunday: Go to gym on one day, take the other day off

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Wednesday I'm joining in with Krissie and her offical QuestionsForDessert Food Journal Challenge! I'm really excited and love food photo journaling, plus I'd like a subscription to everyday food.