eating less and exercising more. Since writing <this post> I've made a lot of changes in how I eat and track my food. I am way more accountable and accurate with my calories, and have increased my gym time considerably. I'm no longer guessing how many calories are in what I'm eating. I'm up to working out 4 days a week, still two days shy of my 6 days a week goal, but I'm getting there.

Sunday I did cardio and strength training, tuesday I did cardio, thursday I did cardio and strength training and today I'm going to do cardio again. Another reason to not get tripped up by the scale especially when exercising is that my weight always fluctuates up the next morning.

I feel different, and I don't want to get too relaxed with telling myself "I'm doing great!" so soon because I've been here before and those feelings tend to lead to a relaxed attitude with eating and exercise. I start thinking I have total control over my cravings again, and start thinking about all the junk food I could have in moderation. But, this is my first week in and instead of congratulating myself with food like I've done in the past, I need to keep going. Put my head down and keep running.

How did my eating change this week from last week? For starters, I've kept it as simple as possible. Instead of making complicated dishes, I've made relatively simple, filling, low calorie meals that I like. I know what I have to eat in the house and have a few go-to meals and snacks in mind so I'm not wondering what to eat or how many calories it has. I try to eat things that are high in protein, fiber and good carbs and low in calories and refined sugars/flours. I will say that have a mental list of go-to meals makes the calorie counting process less tedious.

I was eating meals with 500-700+ calories and found 300-400 calorie meals to replace them that are equally as filling. Last night I made turkey meatloaf and kept a tally sheet beside me to keep track of the calories going in. After I had the total calories calulated, I divided that number by four and divided the meatloaf by four so I'd know exactly how many calories were in a serving. I know that sounds like a lot of work, but it really wasn't.

Sometimes I get hard on myself for not consistently sticking with my diet and exercise plans, but each time I start over again I've learned something knew. Over the past two years I've documented my feelings and eating patterns in this blog so much so that I can pinpoint exactly where my weaknesses are. Being able to recongnize these patterns is helping me now. I know that there are subtle ways that I sabotage my success and I can finally see them and change them.

I know there are foods that if I bring home, I will overeat them. I know that once I start losing weight, I want to congratulate myself with food. I know that at this point I may start getting bored or feel like I'm not doing it the right way. And now I see this, which without past "failures" I wouldn't have noticed before.

I say all of this to say that if you are reading this and you are down on yourself because you were doing so good at one point with weight loss, or lost weight and put it back on. That you can learn from those experiences and build on them. Look at yourself and really make note of where and how you got off track. We can only change our habits by realizing we are doing them in the first place.

Guess What?! I'm going to the BlogHer confernece in Chicago! I just bought my registration ticket last night for Fridays conference/events and so excited to meet up and spend the weekend with two of my favorite bloggers: Krissie and Fat Bridesmaid! I know very little about these events, so I'm not really sure what to expect. Either way I'm really excited, this will be my first time in Chicago.

Are you going to BlogHer?

I started trying vegetarian products in college, but didn't really stick with eating them. At that time I only had a microwave to cook  my "chicken" patties in which resulted in not so good pretend chicken. I've found that the best way to eat meatless meat is to learn how to cook it to your taste.

I should start this by saying that when it comes to food I am completely equal opportunity. I like it all. Fried, steamed, baked, broiled, meat, no meat, vegetables, cheese, fruit, low rent food, high rent gourmet food, ethnic food, whole grains, white bread, skim milk, soy milk, whole milk, real butter, spray butter...you get the point. I love all food! Period. Which can be a good thing or bad thing.

Some of these foods are trigger foods and some are not. For example, if you bought me hamburgers and white buns with all the fixings, I would eat them in the same fashion I would a plate of chocolate chip cookies. In excess. I love hamburgers, they are my weakness. I love them with beef, turkey, chicken or with meatless meats. I love them with cheese or without, I love them with ketchup mayonnaise, mustard, pickles lettuce, tomato and onions. Love them.

That is where my love for veggie burgers comes in. If you look at my food intake lately you will see a lot of them. In fact, I just ate a black bean burger wrap 10 minutes ago for breakfast. Finding veggie burgers, to me, is like finding a healthier 50 calorie doughnut that tastes exactly the same, if not better. If I could, I would peddle these things door to door.

I prefer them cooked on a skillet, not a grill. I use a nonstick pan, turn the heat up high and drop the frozen patty in. This forms a crusty outside. I turn it over and then turn the heat down to medium. No added oil needed. Sometimes I will get a little crazy and sprinkle some garlic powder on top.  I lightly toast low calorie bread and top the sandwich with a little mayo, ketchup, vegan cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and pickles.

The black bean morning star burgers are my favorite. Well, all morning star burgers are my favorite. They range from 120-150 calories each and have anywhere from 11- 15 grams of protein in them. How awesome is that?

Now, to take it a step further, I've been so happy with veggie cheese lately. I saw this at my local food lion in the american cheese-Esq packaging about two weeks ago. I'm not a fan of American cheese, but I will tolerate it. The cool thing about veggie cheese is that one slice is just 40 calories and has 3 grams of protein. I love cheese, but sometimes I notice that I like cheese for its added texture, rather than taste in food. I had a huge mental debate before buying the veggie cheese because, well, its not cheese. But, neither is American cheese, so I put it in the cart.

Now, I will say, this stuff is not (in my opinion) great alone. It is best in a hot sandwich and melted. I bought the shredded veggie cheese recently too and love it in scrambled eggs. The 40 calorie veggie cheese has defiantly replaced my 110 calorie slice of provolone for quick sandwiches. I can't believe I just wrote this huge post about vegetarian/vegan food, oh well. But, please, if you love regular burgers, I swear you will love these. A regular burger usually has well over 500 calories, but these have under 300 calories each and are just as delicious. If I had enough money I'd buy and prepare a special veggie burger just for you.

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In other news I am feeling very inspired and hopeful lately with my weight loss. Its just my first week in since I've dedicated myself to losing weight, but I feel so good. I also wanted to share my weight loss progress so far for January. <Click Here>

Lately I've been getting a few emails and requests asking for low calorie meals that are really easy/quick to prepare. I'm not a hugely devoted fan of convenience foods, but sometimes that's just what happens. Last night I wasn't in the mood to spend a lot of time on dinner, but I needed something quick, healthy and low in calories.

And this is what I made:

I split each bag with Josh making it 380 calories total each (including the soy/teriyaki sauce I put on my broccoli.) The shrimp was really good, but a little pricey at a little over $6 a bag. I think the rice was $1.94 and the same with the broccoli. The shrimp had 110 calories per serving (9 shrimp) and 18 grams of protein. The broccoli was bright green and tasted very fresh, not wilted or overcooked.

Buying these ingredients separately, I imagine, would have been cheaper especially where the rice is concerned, but again $5 per person is better than a restaurant meal and I know exactly how many calories I consumed.  You could also add a salad to this, but regardless it was pretty filling. I tend to get excited about lower calorie/filling meals.

Anyhow, I'm going to work on some quick and easy meal ideas. My mom mentioned that she doesn't like to cook on days when she works and has class, which I totally understand, so for someone like her this meal would be perfect. Ready in less than 14 minutes, and the only dish I used was a baking sheet for the shrimp.

I finished my morning exercise about an hour ago and I wanted to make a post for myself as a reminder of how good I feel after I exercise. I did 55 minutes of the Billy Blanks' Total Body Fat Blaster and I loved it!

I've had these DVDs for years and have honestly not picked them up in such a long time. My favorite form of exercise is cardio kickboxing classes, I feel like I get a really hard workout and I'm less likely to get bored.

I also like Billy's positive messages that really stick with me throughout the day. At the end he says "repeat with me. I am where I am today because my mind brought me here. I will be where I am tomorrow because my mind brought me there." or something like that.

Post exercise note to self: I didn't over think the process of exercise this morning. I got in the shower, put on my exercise clothes, sneakers and moved the coffee table out of the way. This workout is really challenging even without the resistance bands so I was sweating within the first five minutes. I felt really tired and sluggish for the first 15 minutes, but kept going. At the 30 minute mark, I felt tired, but it was getting easier. Billy's encouraging words really helped me to stick with it and keep going. At the 40 minute mark I was starting to look forward to the end. At the 50 minute mark the cool-down began and I felt energetic and happy. It felt really nice to me that I worked out for 55 minutes and stuck with it. It was also nice to get it out of the way so even if I don't do anything else today exercise-wise I know I did 55 minutes this morning.

I also feel like I could go to the gym later if I wanted to or do wii fit, because this morning exercise has put me in workout mode where it doesn't feel like a burden to go to the gym or do more.

I've been making a real effort to eat more protein. Yesterday, was mostly veggie burgers (11-15 grams each) and this morning I had an egg sandwich with veggie cheese. I'm going to write a post soon about vegan cheese because I surprisingly love it.

I don't know where to start with this, I really wanted to like this game. We purchased Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum 2009 on Sunday evening at game stop after contemplating it for a couple of weeks. It was $50 and we thought it would be cool to have another game to use with our wii fit board.

I like the Biggest Loser and I like Jillian Michaels, but I wish I would have read the amazon reviews before buying it. It reminds me of  a game made by college students who are still figuring out the complexities of a modern gaming system.

Its almost amusing how bad this game is, the response time is very slow. The graphics reminded me of my early days of playing sonic the hedgehog and the fitness/nutrition tips are ridiculously obvious.

We started doing the tire walking course and couldn't get our digital person to move with all the work in the world. So in that, it was a workout. And even funnier when Jullian says "that's it! keep it up! you've got to commit" over and over in a loop when you're not even moving. So I did 15 minutes of that yesterday and it said I burned 153 calories, Josh did 15 minutes and burned 43 calories.

Today I really wanted to find reasons not to exercise. I wasn't feeling especially energetic, and to be honest I was looking forward to the sushi afterward. Can't we just skip the exercise and go right to sushi? No? okay...

That's how it was and I know that I need to keep this in mind. Going to the gym, pushing myself, sweating, and all of that is not comfortable. And I didn't want to do it, but I did it. And I want to remember this, and compile all of these times that I go even when I don't want to, because once I have a ton of them then it becomes easier to ignore the nagging "stay home, watch a movie" feeling I get when I'm putting on my sneakers.

I didn't think about food today. I  ate two veggie burgers on 35 calorie bread, one for breakfast and another for lunch and then I had California rolls and chicken broth soup for dinner. I'm looking to find joy in simple, healthier foods. Oranges are really brilliant when I give them the time of day.

I didn't want to exercise, not even when I got there, not even after strength training, but then I forgot that I didn't want to be there and stayed 50 more minutes to do cardio. This isn't the only day that I won't want to go, and that doesn't mean I'm not determined. Not wanting to go to the gym has nothing to do with my determination, but going anyway does.

After I went I felt lighter, I moved better, I had the "good" tired feeling. I am going to write this down and put the note in my gym sneakers.

See you tomorrow!

In the past couple of weeks I've been using the words "trying to lose weight" or "attempting to lose weight" and I feel like that is exactly what I've been doing...attempting. I feel like I am always moving forwards and then backwards again. I'm going to be honest with you here and with myself...

I am getting better, every single day. I am waking up to the reality of how I sabotage my weight loss. I hear my excuses as I tell them. I went to the store on Wednesday and I have been working on making changes with my food intake, but I did something really bad. I bought frozen meals and snack packs, knowing that I have a hard time controlling myself around them. If I have frozen, easy to fix "low calorie" pizza, pasta, or salsbury steak in the freezer its pretty much the same as someone plopping 12 glazed krispy creams on the counter and expecting me not to eat them. I will eat them all and quickly.

What was I thinking? If you look at my food and exercise tracker you will see that I didn't post a couple of days this week and I only exercised once this week. And here I am, writing this and I'm thinking "why do I keep doing this to myself?" I'm wondering, how bad do I really want to lose weight if I'm not willing to actually change?

How bad do I want to be proud of my body and my health if I'm not willing to stop bringing trigger foods in the house? How bad do I want to improve the way I move or interact with the world when I surround myself with the thoughts of food and my next meal? How bad do I want to see the scale move if I don't make exercise a priority? To say I'm being selfish is an understatement, I want results without the work. Logically, I know I need to work, and I've been making post after post about small changes here and there, but do I not want it enough to make real sacrifices?

Here is the truth, and no this is no me being too hard on myself. The fact is, is that I've been writing in a weight loss blog for two years and true I'm not at 320ish anymore, but you know what? Every time I get to a lower weight I get excited and eat. I get relaxed. I've been yo-yoing the same 20 lbs for months now. I feel like I've been trying to find a sensible way to lose weight, and in my warped mind, sensible=little change.

Little change in my life= little change on the scale. I've been reading anti-jared's blog for the past couple of days and see how hard he worked for his weight loss. He didn't make little comfortable changes to see his dramatic weight loss, he made huge changes in his life which resulted in huge changes in his weight and health.  I've been taking weight loss advice from myself and from other people who are in the same boat that I am.

I hear people around me telling me that they want to lose x amount of pounds, but they don't want to change the way they live to reach that goal. And I can't point fingers, I do exactly that. I want to lose weight, but my actions keep the weight on. I am in a really good place in my life right now, the door to weight loss is wide open. Right now, I am self-employed and my schedule is very flexible. I don't have any children or classes to go to or any major time sapping responsibility. My life won't always be like this, this is just where I'm at right now.

I am so excited that I am able to control my schedule, but I'm not taking advantage of it. I don't want to look back on this time and think "man I had so much time to workout and instead I blogged about attempting to lose weight, but not actually doing it".  I don't want to waste anymore time, I'm sick of wasting time being fat. It is hard for me to fully be alive at this weight. How many times have we heard stories from people who have successfully lost weight and they always talk about how much better they feel, how much confidence they have. I want that.

I am determined. I am no longer trying to lose weight, I am going to lose weight. I am losing weight. I will continue making posts like this, calling myself out on any actions that I know hamper my goals.

What do I need to do? I need to make exercise a priority, I need to stop finding sneaky ways to bring foods in the house that I know I cannot control myself around. I need to give up the strong hold food had over me. I will work on getting excited about things that don't involve food. I will find ways to manage my stress and emotions without food.

I'm tired of living in a haze, or a smoky bubble that makes being fat comfortable. It is not reality.

Here is my signature to making real changes x ____Lorrie Burger______ I will be the former fat girl.

I will eat less than 1,500 calories a day. I will eat only good carbs. I will only eat dessert foods including dessert snacks (no low calorie desserts/snacks) only on a special occasions (but not exceeding once a month.) I will exercise six days a week for at least one hour every day. I will make exercise a priority.I will create an exercise schedule every Sunday for the week and stick to it as a non-negotiable appointment. Instead of spending time on the internet looking at food blogs or recipes, I will read books/blogs about fitness and health. I will find ways every single day to pursue my passions and live every day to my best ability. I will work every single day to make my life more of a priority than food. I will keep track of every single morsel of food that goes into my mouth and blog about it. I will eat simply and healthfully. I will take the time to make nice meals for myself. I will be kind to myself. I will weight myself every single day and not beat myself up or reward myself with food when I see the results. I will take my measurements every month. And make fitness and health my goal and passion every single day. I will print this out and keep it everywhere I need motivation. I will find ways to remind myself every single day of my goals and direction.

I posted a few days ago a picture of my breakfast which was really good and filling, but it was 755 calories. Its funny how perspective can change so quickly. After reading the comments on that post and seeing this recent post on Spark People I knew that my meals could stand lightening up.

After my latest post with Poppi's calorie intake and a very poignant "aha!" moment I've been on a mission to eat more food, but with less calories. I'm telling myself "I don't need big/high calories meals" or "right now, i don't need real butter or tons of fat" and its just the truth. Eating a lot is comfortable for me, and I really have had to come to terms with the fact that I just don't need this much food.

How much do I really need to feel full? When I wrote about my breakfast I talked about it being a big breakfast and very filling, but could I replicate the volume with less calories? Yes!

And here it is, my new and improved filling breakfast. It is very similar and only 417 calories! Equally as satisfying, but with 335 less calories (!!). What changed? Well, Instead of two slices of 110 calorie bread (total 220), I had two slices of 35 calories bread (70 calories), Instead of 1 T of real butter (110 calories), I switched to 1 T of olive oil butter (60 calories), instead of two turkey sausage patties (240 calories) I had one vegetarian sausage patty for 80 calories, instead of 1/4 cup of cheddar (110 calories) I switched to 1/2 slice of soy cheddar at 20 calories (its actually really good and melts nicely), instead of 2 or 3 whole eggs I had one whole egg and half a cup of egg whites (137 calories total) and then I added a cara cara orange for 70 calories.

Here is my old 755 calorie breakfast, it looks pretty similar.

The winners are comment number 16, Krissie (!!) and number 5, Olivia !! Congratulations!! And thank you so much to everyone who stopped by and left a comment, your food/recipe ideas were wonderful!

Krissie and Olivia, send me an email at tokenfatgirl@gmail.com.

Click Here for more information on the Weight Watchers Momentum program.