Be back tomorrow...

I decided to  wait until the last minute cook my gryos for dinner tonight. I will post my update sometime before midnight if I'm lucky. Can't wait to see everyones posts!

Currently buried under lots o'work. Some exciting stuff for this blog too! Parents are coming to visit this weekend! Following schedule, doing what I need to do. Will return Sunday.

Have a fabulous first of fall weekend! Go get some pumpkins and mums!

Food post and today's goals are coming! I have a case of the "must deep clean the kitchen/dining room/living room" insanity this morning and it's preventing me from doing anything else. I'm using bleach solution guys...this is getting serious.

Vacation is seriously over, do you hear that self? This means that the days of eating coconut cream cake at the Peninsula Grill, or macarons at the Macaroon Bakery, or Gelato at Paolo's, or almond croissants after a meal are past us. If I've learned anything about my overeating tendancies it is this:

Self-Sabotage

Period. I was taught to use food for reasons other than hunger which has translated into sabotage in my adult life. This is a hard one to acknowledge. Why would I sabotage myself?

Fear

What do you fear? Success, failure, being uncomfortable, never measuring up to my own standard. When I overeat I feel lethartic, moody, and unmotivated. I get nothing done. On days when I stick to my plan and exercise, I do more than I ever thought was possible. It's that simple.

So when I'm staring at my to-do lists, unanswered emails, projects and blogs yet to be written. I turn to food and stuff myself until nothing is possible. I don't do this every time work piles up, but often enough that I've seen the pattern. It started in college and it's still a struggle for me.

Anyone that knows me knows that I admire Martha Stewart. Sure, she has a cut-throat perfectionist reputation, but every interview when asked "how do you do it all? what is your secret to success?" she always says exercise. She does yoga, pilates and walks on a regular if not daily basis and she is well into her 60's. She also eats really well. I admire that dedication more than her ability to identify china patterns.

It hits home, because while I don't aim to be the next Martha Stewart I do aim to be a better version of myself everyday. I aim to be a successful business person on my own terms (having time and flexibility), but know that overeating doesn't just hinder my weight loss success it hinders everything else. It stunts my growth as a person. When I overeat I put things off, adding more stress to the following days which leads to more overeating.

It's never just about the weight. I use food to avoid what is difficult, to keep myself from the next step, so I can say to myself "see, I knew you couldn't do it". And I'm acknowledging that here, to put it out there for change.

Action Based Goals

Here's the truth: I need to lose 150lbs. to be considered in a healthy weight range. This fact has been true since 2001. Somewhere in that 9 years I got down to 235. And then I forgot I had issues with food and the weight came back. My goal always was: lose weight. Get down to x weight by x time. I've said this many times here.

I write this to acknowledge how I've grown in the past couple of weeks. The ability to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. But, my  sabotage tendencies are still there, and will continue to be there until I realize them every day.

Right now I want more than anything to lose 30-40 lbs. And I would love to set a date for that, but I'm not going to. What I will do is set daily action based goals to get me to that point.

My perfectionist tendencies want to map it all out for weeks and months. I want to create charts and checklists. I want to cut out flour and sugar. I want to exercise an hour everyday. I want to say these things, because saying them is easier than doing them. But, I've been down that road before. I've been on that road for 9 years, if not much longer.

So my non-plan, plan is to set action based goals daily. Because all I have is today and I can handle today. I can handle being better in the moment today.

• Write down or photograph all food consumed
• Make notations on the blog or on paper of negative feelings or the desire to overeat
• Do couch to 5k training
• Do yoga DVD
• Eat when hungry, stop when full (use small plates, eat slowly, eat at the table)

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I've decided to get back on top of photographing my daily food intake because it helps my motivation and it's fun. Just keep in mind that I'm not a nutritionist (haha) nor am I condoning a certain way of eating to lose weight or be healthy. This is totally for my own tracking and accountability. With that said...

Breakfast!

This is probably one of my favorite breakfasts ever. The toast is oat bran and made locally, the butter is european (not sure what that means, but it was on sale), the raspberry jam is organic and low sugar, the bacon is organic, the egg is local and the cherries are local and mail ordered. I made the same for Josh but left his egg runny and put it right on top of the toast.

Lunch:

Lunch was made from leftovers. Spinach wraps with my own homemade salsa, pinto beans, local spinach, a breaded by me chicken tender and a little bit of cheese and hot sauce.

Snack: One of those kashi pumpkin pecan bars.

Dinner:

Dinner was at the Mexican restaurant (where I ate one tortilla chip, go me!) I pretty much ate everything shown on this plate.

After dinner I drank a small glass of orange juice and headed for bed. Oh! And before breakfast I drink a little juice with my thyroid pill an hour before I eat breakfast (per my sisters recommendation!)

Exercise. We rejoined the gym yesterday! During the winter from hell we decided to cancel our membership, 1. because the gym was 15 minutes away on our crazy ice covered roads and 2. because we couldn't even make it onto the crazy snow covered roads if we wanted to.

Now, to be clear, the roads have been clear since march, but that's getting too technical! We rejoined and that's what matters and we live 2 minutes from the gym now.

I've missed strength training. It's the one thing that has helped me to lose weight (when consistent) since I started almost 4 years ago. I am decently strong, but building muscle has always helped me with my love for food, and my desire to lose weight. I also find it much more enjoyable than any cardio machine in the gym.

So we got back into it yesterday with strength training session A, here are my stats:

Chest Press: 100 lbs 8 reps for 5 second hold  + 30% lower on the same reps

Shoulder Press: 70 lbs 8 reps for 5 second hold  + 30% lower on the same reps

Rotary Hip: Max weight 8 reps for 5 second hold  + 30% lower on the same reps

Back Extensions: max weight 8 reps for 5 second hold  + 30% lower on the same reps

Leg Extensions: 120 lbs 8 reps for 5 second hold  + 30% lower on the same reps

Crunches with medicine ball

Cardio: 15 minutes on the elliptical at 135-155 heart rate, came home and danced the hell out of three songs from this (excellent !!) band:

And so this friends, is was getting back on track looks like to me.

I decided to jump on the lent bandwagon with my girls Fatbridesmaid and Question for Dessert. I've thought hard about what I would like to sacrifice/accomplish in the next 40 days. I'm not a religious person, which isn't necessary to mention, but I like challenging myself to try something different, to be better.

Instead of announcing my Lent goal, I thought I would let my recorded actions here on the blog do the talking for me and let you guys figure out what my goal is/was. Starting today for the next 40 days I'm going to do one thing everyday that will help me achieve my weight loss goals, for every correct answer left in the comments on any day during Lent will be entered into a drawing to win a $50 Amazon Gift Card (funded by me, not Amazon) and a gift package of local foods/products from my current hometown Floyd, Virginia (USA-only entries please).

Hint: My Lent goal will not be overly obvious.

It's been an off week for me, and I'm okay with that. It started with a trip to the dentist on monday where I sat in the chair for over an hour to have three fillings put in right in a row. Pretty thankful for that, but when did tooth colored fillings get so expensive? Almost $300 for three. I need to take better care of my teeth. That's not to say that I don't brush, I just don't really think about it after my morning brush. That's an expensive habit not to have.

They questioned what I drink, soda? sweet tea? no and no. A good habit I'm actually consistent about: drinking water all the time.

Then I got sick. It kind of snuck up on me Tuesday. I was feeling fatigue and my throat was scratchy. By the time I made it home, I just holed up on the couch  while a fever took it's course. This has gone from my throat to my head and now I'm still fighting a cold and fatigue.

I was supposed to go to WV this weekend for a jewelry open house, but with being sick and the 10+ inches of snow that came down Friday night, that did not happen.

And finally put our first bid on a house. Truth be told, the most exciting part of this house for us is the extra studio space we would each have. His a 20x30 steal building for his recording studio and mine a converted garage with a sink and lots of light. It even has a front door with a doorbell to the "studio". As for the rest of the house, it needs work. It was built in '74 by the same guy living in it now. If I met this guy randomly I'd give him an old issue of Domino just as an FYI that people aren't putting moss green carpet in their homes anymore. Or those creepy craft-show faceless children that some people were putting in the corner of their porches in the 80's.

He doesn't understand that while yes people are moving to Floyd, rich people seems to be the rumor, we are not them or that desperate. His asking price would be a huge ripoff for us considering the work, yet he is not coming down on his asking price by more than a couple of inches. What's wrong with people?

If I met him I'd say "hey mister Q, do you think that if you, oh I don't know, cleaned your SHOWER, and picked up all your crap (there are clown masks on the wall, i wish i were joking) and maybe put in new carpet, and a stove, and a new roof then yes ask what you are asking minus 10k would be reasonable, anything else is an insult to basic real estate intelligence." But, that won't happen so I say it here.

And that is the current status of our home buying. Unless his realtor knocks sense into him, it's time to start looking again. It's slim pickings in these parts.

I am 3 lbs. away from this months goal and have not had the energy to exercise all week. My little GoWear Fit armband tally looks like someone who hardly ever moved this week. Small activity spikes to the bathroom or getting dressed. I've not had the energy to cook so I've been eating little more than frozen pizza, albeit not overeating...silver lining!

So this post isn't to complain, just to reflect how sometimes things don't happen the way we plan and that's okay. The truth is, I needed to slow down this week. To do nothing and be okay with that. I'm ready to get in the shower today, put on clean clothes and keep going.

I have so many posts coming:

1. My goal for Lent

2. My two week GoWear Fit Review

3. A ton of product reviews

4. My end of the month weigh-in

And just getting back in the swing of blogging daily again. So here we go...

Oh! For those who have been asking I will be debuting my jewelry online tomorrow at 8am I will put a link here and on twitter (@thetokenfatgirl or @lorriebee). Thank you for your kind words about my necklaces!

Today I am sitting here drinking a green smoothy as refuge against holiday baking. The other day I had oatmeal cookies and did Jillian's workout and the day before tae bo. And that's how it's going. My plan from my last entry, it's safe to say, will not go into effect until after the holidays and I'm okay with that.  All I ask of myself for the next week is to exercise, be mindful, have fun and blog.

I have a lot of new goals for the new years that I will post as soon as I finish my list. But, I have a resolution too. To stop blogging about what I am going to do, but rather, what I am doing. when I don't do something it only makes me feel worse and I just don't want to go down these cycles with myself. Of blogging about what I want to do, not doing it then not blogging because I feel bad for not doing it 100% perfect. I aim so high that I miss the point of the every day tedium and enjoys of getting healthy.

I'm going to stop beating myself up for not blogging so much in 2009. I did a lot. I did a lot that I'm proud of. I had a great year, and I know that 2010 will be even better. I know those pending goals from 2009 will happen in 2010. I know I will be healthier. I feel it coming.

I've been thinking a lot about how I am going to lose this weight and why. Something I've spent three years doing here except for one thing. I've never evaluated a diet plan and how it meets my needs. I need to lose weight, this is a fact.

I know that I need: rules, accountability and flexibility in a program in order for it to work. Having a list of foods that are always off-limits no matter what does not work for me, nor does counting points or calories. I know what foods make me feel bad and what gives me energy, I know what is too much and what is enough. I know how to lose weight, but I always play the game and get on board with anything that is put in front of me. But what if I make my own rules?

This is what I came up with:

Rules, Flexibility, Consistency and Accountability.

High Energy Food that is non-addictive:

Meat: chicken, beef, seafood, pork

Vegetables: All except potatoes

Grains: 100% whole grain pasta, bread and crackers, oatmeal

Beans: All beans and legumes

Fat: olive oil or nut oils

Dairy: Eggs, 1 serving of milk or cheese daily

Nuts: unsalted walnuts or almonds

fruit: 1-2 servings

Low Energy Food:

Refined sugar, flour, starchy, processed carbs or empty calories.

Flexible day: One day a week of my choosing for eating favorite meals out etc. In order to enjoy this day I must exercise at least 45 minutes.

Basic rules: Eat high energy foods majority of the time, in the amount of satisfaction. Follow guidelines when eating out unless if is a flexible day of eating. No calorie counting is required, but keeping a food journal is for record keeping. I must weigh in once a week and subtract amount lost from total weight loss goal tally (goal: 145 lbs lost)

Flexible exception:If you choose to eat a low energy food item in moderation IE: one cookie, one serving of potatoes, one white flour roll etc. Add 30 minutes of cardio to the day for each serving consumed.

Exercise plan:

6 days a week of at least 45 minutes of cardio. One day for rest is permitted except for flexible eating day. 1-2 days of strength training.