This is what my food looks like lately... wild salmon, wild greens...it's a wild time around here! I crack myself up. I tried quinoa for the first time this week. Man that stuff is crazy. First it tastes like a grain, but it is actually a seed that used to be rare and worshipped. It has a lot of protein (7grams per serving) and even more fiber, 11 grams! It is really good. I stirred in a little olive oil, garlic and a pinch of sea salt for taste and it was really good.

I purchased these from the natural section at Kroger, they are organic and about $4 for the package. I've been making my own oil based dressings with garlic and roasted red peppers since I can't have vinegar right now. What else? Roasted chicken, eggs, spinach, walnuts and almonds.

So far the pro's: I've been peeing (tmi) a lot which means I'm losing water weight and ridding myself of excess bloat. win, win. I've felt really good, no brain fog, not energy crashes from sugar and carbs, and no mid-day slumps. I also genuinely enjoy what I'm eating. And not that I'm being obsessive about my weight, but the scale has been going down, down, down.

Con's: The supplements I'm taking are not the best things in the world and if I'm being totally honest I haven't been taking them as often as I should be. It has been hard to get into the habit of remembering to take them with every meal. I am working on getting better at this.

I still have sugar cravings. I was faced with cake and mindlessly shoved two bites into my mouth. And then I realized that I'm off of sugar. oh yeah. I didn't beat myself up over it, just moved on. It hasn't helped that I've been PMSing like crazy, but that have been relieved. Man, I'm classy.

This is not convenient. I love eating out with Josh. We love Indian food and trying out new restaurants, this makes it really hard when you are trying to eat local meat and following a plan that in a restaurant means only eating...lettuce. yum. I have bent my local meat rules a bit, as I just can't starve when given no other options. Like yesterday, I went to an indesign workshop where they served lunch. The best option for me was chili and tossed salad. I put the chili on the salad and called it a day. This plan requires planning, prepping food, and being prepared which isn't always easy and having leftovers is a huge necessity for me.

First things first, weigh-in!

Hoorah! Low 270's! I know you like my knitted socks...in May. It's actually really chili and rainy lately, which I'm really over. Rain, rain,  and more rain. I look at the forecast, guess what? rain. oh well.

So, I'm down this week and super happy to see 271.5 today. It goes back in forth between this number and 272.5 and I like both. Just happened to snap this shot when I grabbed my camera and dropped the lens cap, note at the top of the photo.

I have to say that losing weight this week is attributed to balancing out my meals and making mental notes of what I'm eating. I've exercised too this past week, but not as much as I would have liked. This week will be different though. I had a few treats here and there, but overall sticking to eating less.

Last night, while Josh was out grocery shopping I had a chance to try on my dress and really see how it looks. Every time that I've tried it on it has been as someone else's house with their mirrors. I put it over my head, tied the sash and put my red peep toe high heels on and really felt pretty. And now tempted to wear red heels with my dress haha. I have three weeks to get in better shape which is my goal. Not just to look good, but to feel good.

When I exercise I feel good and more confident. I have more energy and drive. I don't want to be sluggish on my wedding day or think "man, I wish I would have exercised more". I have that chance now to feel differently in three weeks as I walk down the aisle. Differently as I bucket the airplane seat belt. Those decisions are totally up to me.

Things are moving right along on the challenge express. That's corny, I'm sorry. Thanks for the shoe compliments! They arrived yesterday and instead of being Beige, which is what  I ordered they were black and grey. Cute, but probably wouldn't go with my dress. Luckily, they were two big and would have returned them anyway.

I can't believe the wedding is in three weeks and so many people have RSVP'd! A lot of people we haven't seen in years or even met at all. One of them to my (happy) surprise is from a lady who I had my first internship with the summer after my freshman year of college. She is a self-employed graphic designer who lives a very interesting life. She hired me without any experience and gave me a lot of room to learn which I will always be grateful for. I'll never forget when she told me "I can't pay you much, just $7 an hour" and I almost fell off my chair. For me, at the time, that was big money. I sent her a resume when she wasn't hiring and she hired someone without experience, that doesn't happen often in this world. After that summer I knew I wanted to be self-employed and have been working towards that goal ever since. So, yes I'm excited to see her!

In other unrelated to weight loss news, I've been getting a lot of really weird emails. Weirder than usual, I should say. Asking if I'm a real person. I am aware that the internet world is becoming privy to the money making abilities of a weight loss blog and a lot of these weight loss bloggers are fictional. And a lot of those blogs tend to plug in pictures of people pretending to be real. I don't know if it is the graphics, the ads or both, but I am real. At least I hope I am, otherwise that could be scary. Yes, I am really a fat person blogging and have been for two years.

I also don't approve comments from anyone who links to a promotional website or  "fake" blog. I can spot one pretty quickly, but I get emails from folks saying "I left a comment linking to my website that links back to you, why did you delete it?" because you aren't a blogger. I get about 10 spam comments an entry. Sometimes a few get through, but otherwise I delete them. Not that I'm against making money online (am not, at all, and would like to make some myself) I just don't let other people make money off of links from my blog.

And now onto weight loss. My eating has been back on track this week and have been recording everything I eat and emailing it to one of my good friends who is also trying to lose weight. I've been monitoring my calories and staying below 1,500 a day. Wednesday morning I did tae bo boot camp level 2 and yesterday I didn't do much but mope around about our missing cat, who we found 24 hours later in the garage across the yard. He was cut on the face and shaken up, but so glad to be home. My sister lost her cat this week to a stomach tumor and she has been heartbroken about it. I kept thinking I would never see Simon again and knew how she must feel having her cat gone.

I have weigh-in this weekend! Which I'm hoping will be a good one and continuing to stay on track to get there. I had a pretty funny moment yesterday while feeling sorry for myself. I really wanted to make something sweet and even wrote down a recipe on a note card of something small to make. I flipped over the note card and there was a picture of myself in a pretend wedding dress, a thinner version that I made in photoshop as a visual reminder of where I want to be. I laughed out loud at the situation and ate an apple. Sometimes all we need is a reminder of our goals and where we want to be to get us back on track.

Playing catch-up once again. I got back Monday evening from my weekend trip to WV. I had a pretty good time with my friends and family and ate and didn't exercise. I was doing a lot of eating when I wasn't hungry, and I ate out multiple times over the weekend. Four to be exact, well, five if you count subway on the way home Monday.

It is was it is and now I'm ready to get back on track! Only 3 1/2 weeks until the wedding!! Yesterday we went to the gym and did strength training session B and then 35 minutes on the elliptical. We were both feeling weak and out of shape. I am out of shape, but feeling it more so than usual. I just kept staring at the clock during cardio. Two things: I need a better mix of fast paced music. As much as I love Sia and Fleet Foxes they just don't get me going like Rhianna does haha.

Food was okay, I kept feeling the need to munch and eat. I woke up and ate a bowl of oatmeal, then an apple, then some plan yogurt w/ jam and granola, then I made a small burger and then I had two chicken, black bean, rice and avocado burritos when I got home. I definantly had an appetite.

I started the day out with 40 minutes of tae bo level 2 boot camp. I. did. not. want. to. do. it. Which is how it goes with exercise. Why does the brain do that? I know I'm not the only one. Its just exercise, whats the struggle about? I felt so spent when I finished. I just sat on the couch like a sweaty noodle and then made a fried egg. And then ate an apple. Now I feel good again.

Want to see fun wedding stuff? yes? okay!

Here are my wedding shoes:

I can't tell you how long I search and search for wedding shoes. It's sad really. All I wanted was a simple pair of mid-heel, peep-toed, light colored shoes that don't cost a ton of money. I found the perfect shoe like 10 tens, but it was in black, or $200, or with a 3" heel. And finally I found these at mod cloth and hoping they fit nicely. I also wanted a shoe I could wear again and I will defianantly wear these.

And then I got one of these to push up and suck in.

And finally, I've been making boutonnierre's for the fellows:

Where to start? For those looking for Jillian's podcasts, I sypmathize with you. I had a hard time locating the podcasts until I googled "jillian michael's podcast" and found a website with instructions for finding them. They are there, you just have to know where to look. Click here for instructions.

Things are going o-k this week, I can't believe another week has flown by, but that's the nature of things. I haven't exercised since Monday and have used rain as an excuse. I over plan my exercise and feel like I can't do it unless I've planned it. Its a really silly excuse. I know. Rain is the other one.

I've been on an emotional roller coaster all week. I've been feeling slightly overwhelmed with the wedding stuff, something I've been doing pretty good at not being overwhelmed by. I'm very bad at time management so when I have a lot to do I have a hard time figuring out where to start and then waste time not starting.

I am my own worst enemy, but you already knew that.

I've been really sensitive this week too. I don't know what it is, but I really hate feeling misunderstood, judged and as though people assume where I am coming from. There are very few people who I feel truly understand me and sometimes I feel like I have to defend myself or the things I do. Defending is really tiring. I know I am talking in riddles, but sometimes I'd just like to be me without apology, defense or explanation. I don't like to be picked apart or analyzed. I don't like to be told that I do xyz because of xyz.

Food. So I've mentioned before that I know what a day feels like that will result in weight loss. I rarely count calories, except out of default, but I've memorized portions and food and know what will and won't result in weight loss. I know how my stomach feels at the end of the day when I will or won't lose weight.

Right now, if I don't eat anything else today I will see a loss or maintain and if I feel this way again tomorrow I will defiantly see a loss. Its not that I'm eating particularly healthful foods or planned out portions, I just know. Does anyone else know this? Knowing what the day feels like physically that results in weight loss?

Today's food: protein shake w/ skim milk, banana, 1/2 thin crust grilled chicken pizza, two high fiber bars. About 1,300 calories (220 shake, 100 banana, 550 pizza, 280 bars) I know all of this by memorization. Is that sad? A day like this is when I only eat when I'm hungry and actually get to the point of hunger. I am don't think too much about food.

If I would have exercised, I would probably allow myself to eat 400-500 more calories.

For me, not thinking about food is more and more where I want to be. When I talk to people about "what I'm doing" which for me feels like nothing really. They advise the usual weight loss advice: eat your protein, fruits and vegetables. magazine tip, oprah tip, diet book tip after tip after tip. I eat those things, and try to go out of my way to eat them some of the time, but I feel like eating that way with all of the measuring, weighing, portioning out, scaling back, tip remembering and planning is so maddening and unrealistic for me.

To lose weight I know that days consistently look like this:

Exercise, the sweaty/huffy kind

Food: big breakfast (eggs, toast, fruit etc.) lunch when hungry (usually around two) of a sandwich or salad, and then dinner of protein and a serving of rice and vegetables or something like that

Over the weekend I knew I was going to eat a decent dinner when my mom came to visit. So I ate a light breakfast of whole wheat toast with almond honey butter. I didn't eat again until 4 which isn't ideal. Idealy I would have eaten a light snack. Then for dinner I had two of my homemade naan with pulled pork, tomatoes, lettuce, and homemade tzatziki sauce. I was satisfied and full, not stuffed. I didn't count calories or portions. This is not an ideal weight loss picturesque day, but it is reality for me.

Tomorrow I am driving to WV to see my best friend of 20 years graduate from college and then do mother's day stuff. I know Saturday we are going to outback and sunday we are going to an italian restaurant. I have weigh in and I want to see a loss what is my plan?

First, tomorrow I will plan and make myself exercise in the morning before I shower and get ready. I will eat a light, yet filling breakfast. I will eat a snack when I get hungry of fruit or nuts. And then enjoy dinner with my parents: naan, chicken, tzatziki etc. I won't over stuff myself or deprive myself.

Saturday will be hard for exercise. We have to be at the graduation place at 8:30 am, meaning we have to leave at 7:30 am. And we will be there until noon, followed with lunch at outback, back to my parents house and then dinner with girlfriends at 6pm. I could exercise when I get home for an hour and then get ready to go out. I will eat a filling breakfast, a light lunch and a satisfying dinner.

Sunday, will exercise at my parents house (bring exercise DVDs!) in the morning. Eat a light breakfast and then eat lunch with my family at 3pm enjoying, yet not stuffing.

Monday, drive home and blog! See you then!

Happy Mothers Day to all mothers for everything you are and do!

I've named this the Jillian Inspired challege on a whim after listening to her podcasts and I've gotten a lot of emails from folks saying things like "I searched for this challenge and couldn't find any information" or "I want to join, but don't know how" I then felt bad for making anyone think I was doing something official.

I thought the word inspired spoke for itself. Maybe the graphic threw people off. Either way, I just wanted to challenge myself to lose weight and chose this time frame to go with the upcoming wedding. This is totally self-started. Honestly, I would organize a blog challenge for all of us, but I'm not good at sticking with things most of the time and I would be a bad organizer. However, anyone is totally welcome to join in and challenge along, leave comments and do your own thing in your blog. Take the graphic and have fun!

I had originally planned to post little things I'm learning from her podcasts, but I'm very behind on listening to those. I'm not often in a place to listen to anything for an hour at a time. Her voice is too, er, intense to listen to while I work. But, after listening to her podcast about chemicals, something I've already thought about a million times I'm slowly switching out all of my personal care products to the chemical free, organic variety.

My mom came to visit this weekend! We talked to a flower lady and about the wedding in general. I made a dinner of my favorite flat bread recipe and tzatziki sauce and all that. Sunday, I worked on my etsy shop and yesterday we did an hour and a half at the gym. Part cardio, part strength training. And then worked outside prepping the ground for our big blue above ground pool.

I also wanted to note that my eating has been pretty good, I notice that I still find myself eating when I'm not hungry so trying to pay more attention to that.

Today I have a pre-wedding hair appointment and a couple of other wedding tasks to finish. It's coming together! We met with our officiant and got our marriage license yesterday. I'm so glad our officiant (a man josh knew growing up) is liberal and open minded, I feel I would offend him (not on purpose) otherwise. He really works on making the vows personal and not just the usual outdated language. He also got rid of any language that makes me property or an owned woman, much like a goat. I can appreciate that too.

Okay first things first. I just did my weigh-in:

I should be embarrassed about my cleaning-day socks, but I'm not. I'm way too happy about my weigh-in this week to worry about my socks. Is it real? Could this be? This past Saturday I was 279 and now 275. Woot.

This week was far from perfect. There were some days when I ate too much and others when I didn't exercise, but I really payed attention to what I was eating and made effort to exercise. I put the number I wanted to weigh on a giant note card and placed it beside my desk, it really helped me to stay on track seeing that number. I would think "will this action get me to that number?".

Next weeks goal is 271.

Last night while we were at our usual sushi place I noticed that when I sat down it didn't hurt. This place uses wooden chairs with arms that dig deeply into my thighs. I have to adjust how I sit so it doesn't hurt as much until the pain deadens. The sushi is too good not to go.

Last night when we went I had on my usual workout pants that I seem to wear every time we go and as I sat down there was no pain. I kept thinking about every possible option for the lack of pain. My pants? nope, these are the same. have I somehow found a way to sit without pain? I don't think so.

Could my thighs have shrunk just enough that I fit in the chair without pain? possibly so. This gives me hope to keep going and keep exercising for the upcoming airplane trip.

I have so much to talk about today! First things first, Wednesday I didn't do any exercise and was in general feeling sorry for myself. I started my period, was cramping, and wanting ice cream so bad. Ever since I heard of the evil 5 ingrediant brown sugar haagen dazs ice cream, I keep thinking about trying it. I didn't, but anyway.

Yesterday, I ate really nicely and walked 3 miles on our road. This time we went the other more hilly direction and walked much more, about an hour and a half. I was defiantly huffing and sweating up the hills. I really love walking in the evenings, the weather is nice and so is the scenery. There are very few cars and the cows are nice to talk to.

On our walk we came up with several reasons why it is good: 1) when you are tired you can't just get off the machine, you have to get home somehow 2) no gas to drive to the gym and no energy used from a machine 3) hills! 4) nicer view and atmosphere 5) doesn't get as boring and no clock watching

Other than walking outside I am really happy about the following:

The 3/50 project which I write about here.

And black beans! Oh my I love black beans!

This was today's breakfast/lunch: 350 calories, 14 grams fiber, 24.5 grams of protein, 0 fat, 0 cholesterol. Awesome. I added about a tablespoon of red taco sauce, and about 1/2 oz of Amish butter cheese.

I have weigh-in tomorrow and I'm strangely excited.

We didn't go to the gym this evening, but knew we needed to exercise. I was starting to slide deeply into "I do not want to exercise" mode when Josh suggested a walk outside. That peaked my interest as I really didn't want to move the coffee table for a DVD or in the mood to do the wii fit and frankly there wasn't much that appealed to me. That is not a surprise though.

We put on our shoes and headed up our rocky driveway and I started huffing and puffing. Why am I breathing so hard? My body started to heat up and I felt the familiar pressure of my body exerting itself and willing against my weight to keep moving. I kept wondering, why is this so hard? I make it through an hour on the elliptical without much problem.

We kept going, slight inclines and I break a sweat. I'm pushing myself up and down the hills as we walk. It feels nice, the wind is blowing the air is cool and warm. I feel like I weigh 5,000lbs. and then it accures to me that when I exercise at the gym a machine is holding my body up and I am moving. It burns calories, it get my heart rate up and it is exercise, however, walking and dare I say jogging is really hard for me. I felt how out of shape I really am on the road with just my body to move my body.

I power walked pumping my arms vigorously in the air, gasping for air and dripping for sweat. I. am. out. of. shape. Obviously.

I'm home now, the sweat is drying and my legs are tingling. I'm ready to keep going. Tomorrow I'll be back on the road.

okay, I'm back. Wow, I should not write posts that say "I will post later" and then never do. I spent the entire weekend outside which was so nice. I can't seem to get enough of it. I've declared this the spring/summer of doing things in nature. Which explains why we are making our outside living area as nice as possible for just that reason.

I spent two summers in Brooklyn and we did not have any outside living space. I remember (fondly) one summer night that we pulled up two chairs in front of the fire escape, turned on wilco, turned on the outdoor lanterns and drank some sort of lemonaide/vodka concoction and it was heaven. I think I soaked my feet in a bucket of cold water. Our apartment would get so hot that we actually considered buying a kiddie pool and putting it in the livingroom. I wish I were kidding. I never took a hot or even warm shower.

So now, we have a small outside area and we plan to get one of those easy set-up blue pools (16x3.9) to float around in. A grill, and some outside furniture. I'm really excited! Josh has been working hard on the other side of the house, clearing weeds and building an area for blueberry bushes and marigolds. He is also thinking about making a place for koi fish.

I've been doing good with my challenge! Friday we went to the gym and did 60 minutes of cardio on the elliptical. Saturday and Sunday I spent all day working outside making this:

(before)

(after)

(strawberries, gerber daisies, and italian parsley)

(chickens and hens)

I had my first challenge weigh-in on saturday:

I'm pretty excited to see the 270's again. I've missed them. Around the lower 270's I can comfortably fit into size 22 jeans. I've been fluctuating a lot this week and aiming for 276 by this coming Saturday.

Wedding! I finally got the invites sent out on Friday! I still have a handful left to get out, but I am so happy to have those finished and hearing that people are starting to get them. I put a lot of thought/time/effort into them and so happy with the outcome.

I also just got off the phone with Paula my dress lady and she has completed it! We are working on a sash Thursday, but after that all we will have left before the wedding is a final fitting.

Food. My eating has been considerably better though I feel like I haven't been eating at home a lot lately. My calories have been around 1,500-1,800.

This is where I'm at today, I didn't exercise yesterday which is unfortunate. When I got home at 5 I felt like a zombie and had no energy to do anything. What is it about sitting at a desk all day staring at a computer that makes me so tired? Oh well. Today, going to the gym for strength training and cardio.

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