Thank you for your get-well wishes and also for dropping by to share what your favorite foods are. I love that! It seems like such an obvious thing to know what we like to eat, but like one commenter said, it's easy to forget what we like to eat when there are so many foods that we think we should like, yet don't.

I'm trying to get back into blogging and a whole mess of things, but as usual I've got so much to do (self-inflicted, mind you) that I have a hard time just starting, or even just sitting down and writing when I know that is exactly what I need to do for myself.

The rest of the month is pretty much booked up for us, in a good sort of way. My mom and aunt are visiting this weekend. Rumor got out that I'm turning 27 on Sunday. So I decided to go all out and have a roller skating party. I haven't roller skated in oh, 14 years? maybe more? I'll be right there at the rail, where I always was.

We are still in financial-moving limbo, which up until this point I was totally "go with the flow" about. I like to pick and choose what I get bunched up about in my life and for some reason not owning a home isn't one of them. That was, until they told us they would call with approval at the latest on Tuesday. It's now Wednesday and word has it that they called my employer for proof of employment. Apparently a W2 and pay stubs weren't enough. And then plan B sinks in...

What is plan B? Reapply for a loan? Move to another city and continue renting? Find another home? Plan B, can sometimes be the best move even though it never feels like it at the time. I'm old enough to realize that sometimes it's what doesn't happen that is the best for us. But, I'm also old enough to realize that you have to make things happen too. So we wait.

And then I start asking myself...Am I where I need to be? Am I headed in the right direction? I'm way too much of an existentialist for my own good. I don't lose sleep over the fact that I haven't cleaned in god knows how long, or maybe not getting approved for a mortgage, or the fact that I over dyed my roots last night and look sorta crazy, or just little tiny details of day to day life. Nope, not me. Those things can be fixed: I can clean today, we still have a roof over our head and I can dye my hair back

Everything is related and I just wish sometimes that I could be like other people. Okay with being at the same job for the rest of their lives, okay with simple day to day security, okay with watching the same network tv shows after work, okay with never dancing, or changing the color of my hair, or how I dress, or never wondering that I'm giving enough of myself, or never accomplishing anything. I worry about losing friends, or never making new friends, or never being a truly kind or likable person. Just okay with being, just as I am for the rest of my life. I envy those people, but grateful that I'm not.

I always ask myself "will i be okay if i go my whole life without doing __________" and the answer is almost always no. But, it's not possible to do everything in one life. I worry about never making enough money to travel, to visit new cities, to visit old cities that I once loved, to own my own business, to raise a child, to eat good food. I worry about getting stuck, complacent, comfortable. I worry about being one of those women who has the same hair style for 15 years, that ones I see sobbing on Oprah makeover specials. The ones that forget who they were, their dreams and some how changing their hair, changes everything. Even though it has nothing to do with their hair.

Am I having a quarter life crisis?

I decided to take Friday night off from Insanity because my sore throat has moved into my chest and it causing much coughing and hacking. Let me tell ya, it's attractive stuff.

I haven't been getting enough sleep this week, my body is tired and I just needed a break. Back to it today though (Saturday!) and ready for it. I've been eating emergen-c like crazy. Josh tells me he used to eat it as candy right out of the packet. Have you tried emergen-c? I'm eating the kind with 500 mg of glucosamine because I'm worried that being so heavy + intense exercise is taking it's toll on my body.

I was going through archives recently and realized that I haven't done a wardrobe remix or anything fashion related in a long, long time. I'll get on that!

What are your plans for the weekend? Here is my tentative to-do list:

• Finish up custom jewelry orders, get those out in the mail
• Organize jewelry area, make jewelry for shop update and upcoming craft show
• Update blog (of course)
• Exercise
• Create a meal plan for next week
• Clean the house and do some packing (!!!) (I desperately need to clean)
• Get all my shipping/packaging supplies together and organized
• Return emails
• And a bunch of other loose ends.

So guess what? My favorite blogger ever (ever ever ever) of all time is adopting and while I've never met her in person and doubt I ever will I am as happy for her as I could be for a close friend. Alicia Paulson from Posie Gets Cozy.

I've been reading her blog for years, I re-read her blog archives at the beginning of every season. She writes memories in such a way that would make you think she has time travel abilities, she draws upon feelings and emotions from childhood, and growing up as if she just watched everything play out in a movie. She is super creative, self-employed, author and all around genuinely special person. She has has hardship in her life; an accident shortly after moving to Portland and yet she has accomplished so much.

She has inspired me, and a lot of what I do has been energized by her own passion and success in blogging and creativity. I could not imagine someone better suited to be a mother. And I just wanted to share because I needed to tell someone how excited I am and what better way than my own blog? I came this close to waking Josh up telling him that "Alicia and her husband are adopting!!!!" but instead I'm telling you guys.

I haven't forgotten!

Two pounds away from my monthly goal! I started at 290 on January 1st and now I'm back down to a more familiar weight pre-holiday 2009. I'm looking forward to a new weight for this blog in the spring. 250's will be new.

I cannot believe this month is already over! Where did it go? That's what you say when you get old "where did the time go?".  I'm looking back on the past month and see changes that I put into action. One of them is going to the store alone and not buying "trigger" foods. Items that I tend to overeat or eat when no one is around. I've been here before, I've been to the store many times and sticking with what I needed and leaving. It became a habit, that I allowed. And it is a habit that can be undone. It is our choice.

Another thing that I will note is keeping a constant reminder of my goals handy. I bought a large moleskin with blank pages for writing in. On the first page you will find a  list of my goals, on the following pages you will find to-do lists, weekly goals and little reminders. I found that working in this book daily reminded me of my goals instead of forgetting where I wanted to be.

I also realized that I needed to take personal responsibility for myself. It is so EASY to fall back, to sabotage, to forget and ignore my body. But, I found with gentle reminders I was able to stay on track most of the time. I confirmed that I will be healthy this year.

I want to do better in February. One with exercise and two with more planning and organization with my food. I am as anti-schedule as they get, but I found that having food ready to prepare, having the dishes cleaned helped me to stick with my cooking at home plans. I want to get better at that.

My goal for March 1st is 270.

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Remember the jewelry I showed you last week? Well, I finally got around to taking photographs and posting them in my shop!

You can find my jewelry  here.

I'm here! Sorta. I'm taking a small break this week from blogging to get caught up on some pending tasks.
Making jewelry, cleaning/organizing the house, working on freelance stuff, oh and (hopefully, fingers crossed!) moving into our first home!

As far as weight loss, food, exercise: every thing's fine. I haven't had much of an appetite this week so meals have been pretty sparse. As in oatmeal for breakfast and then some sort of dinner. Which to me isn't very blog worthy. Except for the loaded oatmeal that leaves me full for hours. I love that.

Exercise has been hit or miss. What does that even mean? I don't know I've been using my GoWear Fit daily. On days that I am very sedentary I burn a little over 2,000 calories, on days when I clean, but don't partake in formal exercise I burn about 2,500, and on days when I do exercise I get well over 3,000 calories. Which is my daily goal: over 3,000. Which probably sounds like a lot, but I'm fat.

Thank you for all of your kind words about my necklaces in the last post. Making jewelry is something I randomly started doing this past fall and it's been a full-on obsession ever since. I'm still nervous about moving into the world of metalsmithing, but it's coming! In the mean-time, after the open house this weekend I'm going to start selling online in between craft shows.

I'll be back tomorrow, see you then!

We have officially entered day two of ice world here in Floyd. Ice is weird, unlike snow, you have absolutely no choice but to stay inside. With snow and a lot of determination you can at least go outside or plow your way out, but with ice simply stepping out on your welcome mat requires ice skates.

I'd be lying if I said I was upset about any of this. I'm a homebody through and through and have hours of projects to work on to occupy my time. As long as I have josh, food and the internet, I'm set. Yesterday I spent most of the morning making jewelry! I have a jewelry open house the weekend after next, hosted by my mom (yay!) and I've been busy trying to prepare for that. Want to see?

I love these necklaces so much! I really want to keep the green one.

Later on in the afternoon I started working on some freelance projects as well as a portfolio site. I feel good when I'm productive even though I ended up watching four episodes of LOST last night. That show is addictive! I curse the day I ever started watching it.

As far as exercise, I'm so excited about my GoWear fit. I'm not even kidding. I had to perform surgery on the arm band at the beginning of the week to make it bigger. I left the original band intact for future smaller arms, but needed to extend it by about two inches. Now, I never take it off except for showering. I will post a picture of my funny little extender in case anyone else is having the same issue.

We went for a walk in the woods behind our house on Tuesday and found a pond, a little waterfalls. It's like a  whole other world back there. I tracked my calories on the trip and noticed that the walk back up burned major calories. I set a target calorie burn and it's fun to push myself to match the calories.

I also tried out Dancing with the Stars workout DVD. I don't watch the show, but the DVD was a great workout although very hard to keep up with dance moves. Have you guys tried it? I was very sore!

Also, my February 1st weigh-in is approaching! My start weight for January was 290 and my goal for the end of the month is 278. I am over half-way there.

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to contribute answers for an article on that's fit (a sister site of aol) at the time, I could not help but think "oh they have the wrong girl, do they see how much I struggle? Don't they see my holiday weight gain?" But, I answered them anyway, sent in my photos and forgot about it. I didn't want to get my hopes up when there are so many other bloggers out there being much more successful on a regular basis.

And then last night I got a very nice email from someone who found me from the article, I then scrolled down to my previous email from the that's fit lady telling me my article had been published. I was extremely excited at first. This happened while the gas in our house went out, so I was telling Josh to check it out while the gas guy was coming in our house to fix our heater. It was chaotic excitment...

and then I started freaking out. I was a mess, my thoughts were all over the place "will I be judged because I haven't lost a lot of weight?" "what if people don't think I deserve to have an article written about me?" "do i think i deserve articles about me? or attention to my blog because i've lost and gained weight?"

and then I get an email from the editor's of aol asking for more before and after pictures. How could this possibly be a story of interest? I don't have massive success or weight loss. I don't have Biggest Loser appeal. I told her I was struggling and in a couple of months I'd be in a  better place. And this was the response (I hope it is okay to share because I think this answer was helpful and inspirating not only to me, but other people who stop by)

Actually, that's what we loved about your story so much. So many women struggle with making healthy changes to their lifestyle, which you have been able to do and plenty of us (myself included) have started to make those changes, and hit bumps in the road along the way. This time of year especially people are looking to make a change and feel at a loss for where to start. Your story is very inspirational. Sometimes those before and afters where people have 200 pounds just don't feel realistic to the rest of us. At That's Fit, we feel like every step towards positive, healthy change, no matter how, is a success.

I am a work in progress. What you see is what you get. I know that I won't always weigh 290, 280,270 or even in the 200's. I BELIEVE THIS. And that is all that matters. I believe in myself.

It's January second and I'm ready to be a New Year's cliche. I've eaten a lot these past couples of months. Let's start that around Thanksgiving. Right after my two weeks of clean eating I just threw in the towel and ate. I'm bloated and craving sugar, but I'm ready for this.

I'm going to lay it all out here: This year I am going to be healthy. I am going to lose weight. I am going to be able to move. I'm going to do things that frighten me. I'm going to buckle an airplane seat belt and tighten it. I'm going to find out what it's like to stop being polite and start getting real. Wrong show, but you get the picture!

I've been reading Julia Child's : My Life in France (which I highly recommend) and I love what she says on page 77:

I don't believe in twisting yourself into knots of excuses and explanations over the food you make. When one's hostess starts in with self-deprecations... it is so dreadful to have to reassure her that everything is delicious and fine, whether it is or not. Besides, such admissions only draw attention to one's shortcomings (or self-perceived shortcomings), and make the other person think, "Yes, you're right, this really is an awful meal!"

This philosophy can be applied, not just to food, but for any instance where we put ourselves out there for the public. I have made big claims around here, I've accomplished small goals, I've forgotten about many big ones, I don't need to make excuses for myself as to why I weigh eerily exactly the same as I did January 2009. Or why I've lost and gained the same 20 lbs. for two years.

The truth is, is that I am not unlike so many people who are trying to lose weight. The only difference is that I have chosen to share (albeit less and less this past year.) I could feel bad about my failed promises with myself or you, the people taking time to read my blog all this time, but what good would that do?

Losing weight is more than keeping up with a weight loss blog. It's real work, not words. And I realize that now more than ever. I've worked hard to get my blog where I want it to be, Josh has worked hard so that people can find me in google. And they do, but what are they finding? I want them to find hope and inspiration and I have that in myself this year.

I'm moving on. This is where I stop making promises and excuses. It's now or never. The plan is simple: to lose 12 lbs. a month (some months may be more, or less, but overall a general loss of 12 lbs), to photograph myself at the beginning of every month and to blog about the process.

2010 is a blank book waiting for us to fill in the pages. What will be your story for the year?

Today I weigh 290.5

Happy New Year! We made it to 2010! Do you have your goals ready to go? This is going to be a good year!

I thought it would be fun to do a recap of the past year in photos, in no particular order. As I look back over the past year I realized that so many good things happened.

I built a flower bed

I made good food

I learned to cater

We educated ourselves about real food

I visited this sassy lady in  DC

I bought local food

We got new bedding (which i need to make)

We went to the Isle of Palms and Savannah for labor day

Had a couple of cute visitors

Hung out in Asheville for a belated Valentine's day

Attempted to pull off Alice fromTwilight

Watched my mom graduate from college

Went hiking

Visited friends in their new homes!

Hung out with these ladies twice!

Went to London and Dublin with my husband

Did I mention I made good food?

Taught myself new makeup techniques

Married Josh, something I've dreamed about for years.

Cut my hair off.

Brought this guy into our home. <3

Planted for the first time. Somewhat of a failure

Met Ree aka: The Pioneer Woman!

Met Roni: Roni's Weigh!

bowled in a snuggie

grew plants from seeds

feasted

cave dwelling

walked a lot of 5ks

lost weight...and gained weight

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yesterday morning, but I hit the wrong button and it deleted and it didn't save. It was really dumb of me. Anyhow, I will rewrite and post sometime today. In the meantime I wanted to say, thank you for sticking around while I transition into new territory.

I changed my twitter user name, apparently at the wrong time because there is a twitter.com glitch preventing me from logging in. at all. And so because I'm going through twitter withdrawal, I'm using an old user name, @lorriebee if you would like to stay updated with blog happenings and general ramblings. I cannot access who I was following before, so it will be a slow update until I get everything back in order.

There is a truth about me, that I like to deny because I always have stuff to do, but I am not a workaholic. And sometimes I wish I was and I'm not totally sure why.

I need sleep, I need time where I do nothing, and I need time alone. Those are three things that I require to function. Despite knowing this, I will pile things on my to-do list, get six hours of sleep, and continue going until I can't anymore. Why do I have the need to be lazy? Why do I need do-nothing time to sit on the couch and read?

Part of me, believes that this is normal and needed and so many people deny this aspect of themselves. And then another part of me resents it and wishes that I could do something during every waking hour of the day. I struggle with time management, which I've mentioned before, and know I'm not alone.

My before work and after work time is precious to me, but it seems that is flies by at lightening fast speed. If I get up at 5:30am and exercise until 6:15 that gives me until about 6:45 to get ready for work if I want to be there by 7. And then leave at about 3:45. Get home at 4 and have seven hours before eleven, but really should go to bed at 10.

In those hours, I always hope to accomplish: cleaning, blogging, making art, sometimes more exercise and various other projects that I like to work on. And sometimes all I seem to get done this week is: exercise, work, cooking dinner and reading. I'm trying to not feel guilty about this. I have all of these ideas about what I don't want my life to be like and a time waster and tv watcher are not one of them, yet I get tired.

I'm rambling, but to say that when I'm not blogging, I'm resting. I have so much to blog about. This week is beauty week, and with that I made my first all-afternoon salon appointment for today, which of course, I will share. I never go to the salon. I'm also taking a tour of a local dairy farm. I have pending fall fashion posts that are coming. Most of my weekend was spent creating for the arts and crafts show that is coming up in a week and a half.

So I'm here, I'm just moving at snails pace this week and taking time to do nothing which despite wishing I had boundless energy, I know that I need. Today is day nine of Jillian's 30 day shred, we're on level two. Its crazy! My scale is broken, I went from 265 to 313 to 298 to 251 this morning. I have a lot I want to share about the daily exercise, its coming too