Tomorrow makes one week since I started reading and implementing the tools of Brain Over Binge. In that week I've come to realize a few things that are helping this process:
1) Not every urge or feeling means something. I used to believe that all of my urges and feelings were me, that by not acting on them I was somehow denying myself and being unauthentic to who I am. And on some small level, I already got this. Denying every feeling is uncomfortable and often the only thing I'm fighting is the feeling or urge in and of itself, not the actual thought or feeling.
Here's an example: Sometimes I over think situations and my relationships with people. Often I find myself truly not understanding the motives of a person and examining them. I mull over every detail in frustration until I feel nauseous and agitated. This is especially true when I believe their actions are wrong, hurting me or themselves. These thoughts take over my mind and I gave them freedom to take over. I do this so often that is became comfortable and familiar, like a bad habit. Like eating 10 cookies. But now, I'm acknowledging that sometimes I just default and it doesn't mean anything about me or the other person. Not every thing needs attention, examining, or confronting. Sometimes I just need to achnowledge the feeling and move on.
This is the same with the urge to eat more. Those urges are not me, but sometimes it's confusing to know the difference because I've learned to give weight to them in my own, evolved voice that reasons and sides with the urges.
This is what they sound like: You already ate that cookie, you might as well eat all of them and start over tomorrow. Your breakfast wasn't perfect you might as well eat everything you want for the rest of the day. You've been so good these past few days, you can slack off today. You didn't lose any weight today, might as well throw in the towel and get serious tomorrow.
2) I do not need the scale right now. It's true, eating less usually results in weight loss, but not always and not every single day. Logically I understand this. I know that a few days before my period I hold on to water. I know that exercise makes me hold on to water as well. I know that salty foods make me hold on to water. I don't want to use the scale as an excuse or motivator right now. So today, I'm taking it out of the bathroom.
3) Finding my voice. One of the biggest challenges right now is finding my higher voice and listening to it. My higher voice is logical and doesn't want to binge. It doesn't want to keep eating or make myself sick. It wants me to succeed and move forward and grow. But sometimes it tries to justify and encourage my urges and feelings that aren't me, my animal voice. It's helpful for me to have a clear idea of what I do want on a very basic level so that I can easily access this information. It's also helpful to have it written down and handy. Sometimes I can honestly convince myself that I want to binge, that it's who I am, but I know better.
4) Knowing the difference between overeating (or eating too much) and binge eating. This one is very personal and looks different for everyone. This topic is covered a lot in Brain Over Binge. People who do not have any sort of binge eating disorder, eat too much on occasion. Having a second cookie, another slice of pizza, or seconds is not binge eating. Sometimes I simply eat more than what I need and that's all it is. To me, at it's heart, binge eating is eating that is in excess. If it interrupts my life or causes me to be unhealthy, it is binge eating. I have never eaten as much in one sitting as the author of Brain Over Binge, but that doesn't mean that my excess or binge eating hasn't caused health issues like obesity or disrupted my life by over taking my thoughts and actions.
4) Practice makes semi-perfect. Changing my mindset is taking work. It's taking practice and meditation. It's not always a huge struggle because I'm not fighting my urges, I'm just sitting with them, but it's still new to me. I still fear that I can't do this or that I'm fooling myself. I still hear the words of therapy and self-help books ringing in my ears that I need to fix my life or find fulfillment or get over depression or find self-esteem. Everday isn't perfect, and I'm becoming okay with that. I'm just riding it out. It's been helpful to create mantras of self-talk written down and handy. It's also helpful knowing that my urges cannot access my movement and that I always have the choice to binge or not. It's totally up to me. I know that it isn't going to be easy at first, and I'm prepared for ups and downs, but I know it doesn't have the be the biggest struggle in my life.
I ditched my scale over a year ago. Being tied to a number on a scale drove me insane for YEARS. Having my mood & my life revolve around whatever came up on my scale…lord. I also swore off dieting a while back, after reading many of Geneen Roths books.
I’m so excited for you, and I’m so glad you read my comment and read the book as well.
Take care!
I’d like to thank you for posting about Brain over Binge the other day. Your post came at a perfect time during a week that started off perfect as far as counting Weight Watchers points go and three days into that awesome week turned into binges and eating so poorly. I wanted to give up everything. I don’t binge as much as I used to, but I tend to count my need to eat candy or snacks or go out for lunch instead of eating the lunch I brought as… well not a binge, but in the same sort of category. I’ve considered it sabotaging and unhealthy. And out of my control.
So after reading your post, I bought the Kindle version of Brain over Binge and I’ve been slowly making my way through the book. Ever since hitting the point in the middle where she talks about how she stopped, I haven’t felt a really lasting need to eat out of control. And when I have, I’ve found myself repeating words to myself before getting away from those thoughts.
I think this book may have changed my life. It’s premature to announce this, I know, but I really feel the difference it’s made. And it’s not just with binge eating. It’s habits in general. They say it takes 21 or 28 days or whatever to make a habit. And no one ever really explains how this works. It’s so easy to gloss over it, knowing it won’t work for me. But after reading Brain over Binge I realize that I can change habits and I can change the way I think. I know it’s possible and I can see how it works.
Thank you so much for posting about this!
<3
I like what you said about realizing that denying yourself your food desires doesn’t equal denying who you are. Not only do I dent myself Starbucks daily because of calories, but also out of budget. I deny myself small, brief pleasures so I can have big, long-lasting pleasures in the future. I deny my fleeting desire to skip a run so I’ll have the long-lasting pleasure of health and the feeling of power that comes with being an athlete. I deny myself the small pleasure of an unnecessary purchase so I can have the huge relief of having my car paid off. It isn’t denial of self. It is about setting priorities and living them out.
Practice makes semi-perfect. I still have bad moments, but I don’t let them turn into bad days. I still have days where I despise what my body looks like. I still feel like I have so far to go, even though I’m almost 3/4 the way to my very flexible goal. I think I should be losing faster or more consistently or even just be able to expect that the Wii won’t tell me I’m obese. But I have to let those moments go. I have to use them to evaluate what little behavioral change I can make to make the feeling go away. It may be looking at an old picture or putting on pretty jewelry or looking at my training plan. For me, it is more important to stop the thought cycle instead of figuring out where it came from. Because when I try to figure out the root, I’m giving it more attention. And what I need is to move on.
Girl, I’m cheering for you!
I am learning to ditch the scale too. I am working my but off and counted calories for 3 weeks and have lost little to no weight so I was getting discouraged so my sister challenged me to get rid of the scale for 3 weeks. It is liberating.
I really love your blog.
Thank you for recommending this book in your previous post. I downloaded it and began reading it and I have to say … it rings true. I have thought for YEARS that the reason I couldn’t stop overeating was because of some underlying emotional problem that I needed to work on. But what the book says about the problem being food/dieting/the animal voice just makes so much sense to me. It really rings true deep inside of me. I wondered for a moment if this book didn’t really apply to me. I’m not a “binge” eater at present. But something else the author said really struck home with me: She mentioned feeling out of control while eating, and feeling as though she was unable to focus on anything else until she could binge. That is very me. I will be working on it, too.
“…it’s still new to me. I still fear that I can’t do this or that I’m fooling myself.”
Bingo. This is exactly what I’m grappling with right now, having recently read the book. I’m excited by the possibilities unfolding before me, but part of me is scared this is just another temporary thing (like when I got excited over the no-S diet or intuitive eating or Paleo eating or…)
The only way to find out if this is THE solution for me is to earnestly work at it, so that’s what I plan to do.
I’m wondering about the scale and my weight loss goals, too. I know weight loss and the cessation of binge eating are two separate (albeit related) goals…the only thing I have clarity on right now is that stopping the binges is a higher priority for me than eating in a way that guarantees weight loss (i.e. eating a “perfect” diet/never overeating/swearing off sweets/etc.)
I’m glad weight loss bloggers and those with binge eating disorder are discussing this book. As many parallels as there are between bulimia and binge eating disorder–as much as the path to recovery might overlap and as much as I could relate to Hansen’s story–there are some subtle differences and challenges that come into play when one has a significant amount of weight to lose. I look forward to the conversations to come!
I really enjoy reading your blog, it feels great to be able to hear that there are other women who feel like I do.
I have added Brain over Binge to my reading list. I am hearing such great reviews about it from everyone, so I figured it was important to give it a try.
I don’t care so much about a number on a scale but how I feel about myself or my weight. I care about feeling good, having energy and not feeling like my weight/health problems are controlling me.
I wish you luck, I wish everyone luck and I wish myself luck.
I’m so glad you’ve found something that really speaks to you (and apparently many others). I’m also really glad that you wrote about the book because, although I am not overweight now (I spent the first 27 years of my life 1-2 BMI points overweight), I am without a shadow of a doubt a chronic binge eater. Usually my binges last for 2 or 3 days and then “behave” for weeks (usually starting on a Monday!), eating like a rabbit and exercising hard, until something sets me off again.
I always felt that my concerns about this unhealthy habit weren’t valid because I wasn’t obese and because, at nearly 6’2″ I “carry the weight well”. I am still afraid to voice my concerns about my own behaviour with people who are overweight because I assume that they will disregard or even scorn whatever I feel because my problem isn’t as obvious or severe as theirs – I would actually be really interested to know how many overweight people rolled their eyes when they read that I had consistently been 1-2 BMI points overweight, and thought “big deal”.
But now that I know there are others like me I feel more able to accept that bingeing is something I do need to combat for the sake of my health. The huge headache I get when I scoff a large packet of lollies or half a batch of cupcakes in one go and my insulin levels go through the roof should be enough of an indicator that I need to do something about it, but I haven’t. Yet. I will definitely be grabbing myself a copy of that book. Thanks for the recommendation
Thanks so much for such detailed posts. I’m sharing this with my clients who are on the journey toward weight loss!
I just caught back up with you today & want to wish you the best on this journey. I’ve been struggling myself – weight, health issues, low self esteem. This is by far the worst I have felt. I am making efforts to change my life, but its the consistency I struggle with. I plan on picking up the book you recommend, Brain Over Binge, today on my way home. Thank-you for the inspiration.
P.S. You should post your cookie recipe – they look wonderful.
I have to say, after I read your first post on this book I bought it. I read it in all of three days, and I’m excited.
I’m having a lot of trouble finding my higher voice as well. The swim of thinking and overthinking of everything from my urges to binge to everything that happens between the people in my life and myself has become so routine that I’m having a lot of trouble separating myself out.
I look forward to reading more about your journey and sharing it with you in some small way. Thank you!
Hey, thanks for this book reccomend. I’m about 60% through it and many points ring true to me. But, like you and others, I hear that voice saying,”this can’t happen for me”. I am a chronic overwater and I have always thought I was a sugar addict. Yesterday I found myself getting excited that maybe I too could eat sugary things. But it felt very much like plotting a binge to me and has me all worried and confused! I’d love to cant more-I tried to add you on my fitness pal, but it said your username had been deleted. I do have a blog-but I’m a pretty bad/info distant blogger…
Gee. Sorry about the typos. Auto correct on the iPhone gets me every time!
I recently broke up with the scale and I’m much happier! Just like a relationship, it takes time to heal. So hang in there!
I’m still working on listening to my higher voice; that has been a real challenge for me. I know it’s there and boy do I celebrate when I hear it and respond accordingly!
Blessings!