This is the time when I want to start to slip into old habits. In the week that I've been following this program to feel better, I've realized a couple of things about myself...

For starters, I find I have not always kept up the environment for real change. Making changes to be healthier when you are otherwise not, or at least somewhat kind of doing so, requires being prepared. I find that if there are dirty dishes I don't want to cook and therefore want a "quick fix", I also find that there are times when I just don't want to cook and reach for the quickest thing to eat.

Following this plan has required me to plan ahead, cook more for the next day and to expect that it isn't going to be perfect. Perfect is a big word. Why do anything if it won't be perfect? That is a huge underlying current of my life. I struggle with this blog, why blog if it isn't up to some standard I've held for myself.

And I'm here to be the first person to say...this mentality does not work when you are trying to progress and move forward. Action of any kind is as perfect, as perfect will ever get.

The thing is, is that I know how to be a healthy person. I know that the way I have been eating this week is how I should eat majority of the time. Does that mean I can't have dinners out in the future of my favorite Indian meal? no. Does that mean I can't find room for baking and enjoy treats sometimes? no. What it does mean is finding balance.

Anytime I start a program I begin to feel uncomfortable. I start feeling sad and sorry for myself because I'm not eating comforting foods in excess. Foods that ultimately make me sick. Foods that decrease my energy rather than increase. Foods that make me feel depressed. Yet, turning to food for comfort is a huge crutch for me. I know it will always be there. What happens when you take that away? Uncomfortable feelings creep up and the desire becomes strong to cover them up with food.

Everyday this week I have felt energetic, happy and good about the food I have been eating. Physically the rewards of eating good are amazing, mentally all I want to do is watch the Food Network and feel sorry for myself about all the food I'm not cooking and eating right now. Last night I caved and made myself a spinach tortilla pizza with cheese. Cheese is not on my plan right now and I made it because it was quick, easy, comforting and familiar. This isn't to say that I think this is the worst food ever and no one should ever enjoy it because there is a balance.

But after I ate it I felt my old friend lethargy creep up. The thing about feeling tired is, is that food has a lot to do with it. How much energy we put out is another factor. I think I've gone a long time accepting food-moods and lethargy as a way of life. In the future, I know I will eat pizza, but it is the other actions around the pizza that give it balance. It can either take away from my health or add balance to it. I can eat nice foods all day and after eating it not think "well I ate that, I might as well eat a pint of ice cream" and then there goes exercise. And back to where I started.

I know this is a big rambly mess, but I needed to get this out. And that is ultimately why I do this and tend to forget.

This morning all I could think was "oooh I could just go get a biscuit while I'm out and start my plan all over again on Sunday" and "then I could find something sweet". I have these thoughts and I need to confess to them, not because I'm a bad person, but because this is my reality. This is why I weigh what I do for as long as I have.

My action plan for today has nothing to-do with biscuits or sweets. If it did, I would get little done today. I'm going thrift shopping and working on my new blog: www.beautifullayers.comwhich could not have come at a better time. It's a feel good non-food related outlet for me. I need these blogs. Josh is taking me out for a nice steak and salad dinner. I'm going to take all of my supplements today. I'm going to clean the kitchen and I'm going to be prepared with food.