Occasionally something will happen to us so often that we accept how it feels and then when it's no longer there we forget why we ever accepted the way things were.

I've been making it a habit with my healthful eating plan to make note of how I feel in a little journal. Noticing small and big changes as I move through the next few weeks. One big change that is so confusing and well accepted by me is my lack of hunger and cravings.

I first noticed this on saturday when I had a green apple for lunch before I went out to go shopping. I forgot about eating until that evening. Which is not a good thing, but so surprising for me I just went with it. Sure I was tempted by all of the comforting ideas of seasonal food (flavored coffee, or christmas candy were high on that list) but, aside from my initial knee-jerk reaction to comfort myself I just did not have hunger.

Hunger for me that I can recall after all of these years is very uncomfortable. I get grouchy, irritable, nauseous and that feeling of  IF I DON'T EAT RIGHT THIS SECOND I WILL EAT YOUR ARM OFF. Which looking at it more closely could be a symptom of high and low blood sugar spikes.

Now that I feel stable in that area, I seem to be able to go longer periods without food and caving to cravings. When I wake up I don't feel that empty -sick feeling of hunger. Hunger is there, but it is more subtle and less uncomfortable.

Its too early to assume I am cured of this desire to overeat, because I'm not. But, I really like how I feel. I like being able to go about my day and not be consumed with the thought of eating or wondering how I'm going to sneak extra food in my day.

This is the time when I want to start to slip into old habits. In the week that I've been following this program to feel better, I've realized a couple of things about myself...

For starters, I find I have not always kept up the environment for real change. Making changes to be healthier when you are otherwise not, or at least somewhat kind of doing so, requires being prepared. I find that if there are dirty dishes I don't want to cook and therefore want a "quick fix", I also find that there are times when I just don't want to cook and reach for the quickest thing to eat.

Following this plan has required me to plan ahead, cook more for the next day and to expect that it isn't going to be perfect. Perfect is a big word. Why do anything if it won't be perfect? That is a huge underlying current of my life. I struggle with this blog, why blog if it isn't up to some standard I've held for myself.

And I'm here to be the first person to say...this mentality does not work when you are trying to progress and move forward. Action of any kind is as perfect, as perfect will ever get.

The thing is, is that I know how to be a healthy person. I know that the way I have been eating this week is how I should eat majority of the time. Does that mean I can't have dinners out in the future of my favorite Indian meal? no. Does that mean I can't find room for baking and enjoy treats sometimes? no. What it does mean is finding balance.

Anytime I start a program I begin to feel uncomfortable. I start feeling sad and sorry for myself because I'm not eating comforting foods in excess. Foods that ultimately make me sick. Foods that decrease my energy rather than increase. Foods that make me feel depressed. Yet, turning to food for comfort is a huge crutch for me. I know it will always be there. What happens when you take that away? Uncomfortable feelings creep up and the desire becomes strong to cover them up with food.

Everyday this week I have felt energetic, happy and good about the food I have been eating. Physically the rewards of eating good are amazing, mentally all I want to do is watch the Food Network and feel sorry for myself about all the food I'm not cooking and eating right now. Last night I caved and made myself a spinach tortilla pizza with cheese. Cheese is not on my plan right now and I made it because it was quick, easy, comforting and familiar. This isn't to say that I think this is the worst food ever and no one should ever enjoy it because there is a balance.

But after I ate it I felt my old friend lethargy creep up. The thing about feeling tired is, is that food has a lot to do with it. How much energy we put out is another factor. I think I've gone a long time accepting food-moods and lethargy as a way of life. In the future, I know I will eat pizza, but it is the other actions around the pizza that give it balance. It can either take away from my health or add balance to it. I can eat nice foods all day and after eating it not think "well I ate that, I might as well eat a pint of ice cream" and then there goes exercise. And back to where I started.

I know this is a big rambly mess, but I needed to get this out. And that is ultimately why I do this and tend to forget.

This morning all I could think was "oooh I could just go get a biscuit while I'm out and start my plan all over again on Sunday" and "then I could find something sweet". I have these thoughts and I need to confess to them, not because I'm a bad person, but because this is my reality. This is why I weigh what I do for as long as I have.

My action plan for today has nothing to-do with biscuits or sweets. If it did, I would get little done today. I'm going thrift shopping and working on my new blog: www.beautifullayers.comwhich could not have come at a better time. It's a feel good non-food related outlet for me. I need these blogs. Josh is taking me out for a nice steak and salad dinner. I'm going to take all of my supplements today. I'm going to clean the kitchen and I'm going to be prepared with food.

This is what my food looks like lately... wild salmon, wild greens...it's a wild time around here! I crack myself up. I tried quinoa for the first time this week. Man that stuff is crazy. First it tastes like a grain, but it is actually a seed that used to be rare and worshipped. It has a lot of protein (7grams per serving) and even more fiber, 11 grams! It is really good. I stirred in a little olive oil, garlic and a pinch of sea salt for taste and it was really good.

I purchased these from the natural section at Kroger, they are organic and about $4 for the package. I've been making my own oil based dressings with garlic and roasted red peppers since I can't have vinegar right now. What else? Roasted chicken, eggs, spinach, walnuts and almonds.

So far the pro's: I've been peeing (tmi) a lot which means I'm losing water weight and ridding myself of excess bloat. win, win. I've felt really good, no brain fog, not energy crashes from sugar and carbs, and no mid-day slumps. I also genuinely enjoy what I'm eating. And not that I'm being obsessive about my weight, but the scale has been going down, down, down.

Con's: The supplements I'm taking are not the best things in the world and if I'm being totally honest I haven't been taking them as often as I should be. It has been hard to get into the habit of remembering to take them with every meal. I am working on getting better at this.

I still have sugar cravings. I was faced with cake and mindlessly shoved two bites into my mouth. And then I realized that I'm off of sugar. oh yeah. I didn't beat myself up over it, just moved on. It hasn't helped that I've been PMSing like crazy, but that have been relieved. Man, I'm classy.

This is not convenient. I love eating out with Josh. We love Indian food and trying out new restaurants, this makes it really hard when you are trying to eat local meat and following a plan that in a restaurant means only eating...lettuce. yum. I have bent my local meat rules a bit, as I just can't starve when given no other options. Like yesterday, I went to an indesign workshop where they served lunch. The best option for me was chili and tossed salad. I put the chili on the salad and called it a day. This plan requires planning, prepping food, and being prepared which isn't always easy and having leftovers is a huge necessity for me.

Its no mistake that I cannot keep up with blogging around here as much as I used to. I feel like the more I try to keep up, the less I want to write and then don't. So I'm going to work on trying less. I want to do so much, which is impossible, but its hard to let-go of projects and dreams. In the end, I know that taking on too much leaves me spinning my wheels.

With that said...

I did want to pop in and write about what I have been doing. The action part of getting healthy. I will let you in on a little secret... I am slightly nuts. Oh, you know that? Well, I have health phobias, I always worry about doing the right thing or the wrong thing. Or being the freak patient that ends up on dateline or 20/20 leaving people wondering how they can avoid that freak accident. That missed warning sign. Wow.

I decided recently to give a shiatsu massage a try here locally. My upper neck and back were holding a lot of tension and it really helped. When I went in my right foot was hitting one inch higher than my left. He told me this and all I could think of was "freak show", I should just get sent off to the circus now. By the end of the session my feet aligned (thank goodness) and I was walking better. He asked me about my thyroid, and we discussed getting healthier not just with random massages, but with real nutritional changes. I thought about it and went to see his wife who is a N.D. (Naturopathic doctors ).

I am sometime skeptical, but in general I don't like typical doctors who treat symptoms rather than the root of health issues. I don't have any real issues right now, but I know that I very well could down the road. Some days when I eat too much sugar or carbs, I feel like crap. I feel lethargic and foggy. And so yesterday I embarked on a 6 weeks cleanse to sort of rewind if you will.

I'm taking two supplements that are just herbal remedies, one is seaweed based and the other kills excess yeast in the body. The goal is to achieve a balanced thyroid, more energy, lessened sugar cravings and overall better health. I found out one of my co-workers followed a similar plan when she lived in Oregon and said "it was the best I ever felt".

Basically, I can stay within the meats (nothing processed like bacon, or sausage), vegetables (no starch), a couple of specific fruits a week, whole grain such as quinoa, healthy fats like olive or coconut oil, and no dairy, vinegar and a handful of other specific items. I can have garlic, which is a life saver for me.

I'm not doing this primarily to lose weight, but lets face it...I will. I'm doing this for wellness and balance. I'm doing this as a personal challenge. It will be hard, thanksgiving is in the next 6 weeks and I'm okay with that. I've had a hundred slices of pie in my life, one holiday can be sacrificed. This isn't a forever diet, a lot of what I will learn will stick with me after 6 weeks, but moderation is always key long term. I'm willing to sacrifice now for better health later.

I've also starting a once a week two-hour tai chi class (we are doing something else, but I can't remember what it is called it starts with a q) it is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Mostly just staying in position and keeping good posture has proven to be difficult to me.

I will update how and what I am doing. How I am feeling, and what I miss. Yesterday I was feeling sorry for myself. And then I stopped feeling that way when I realized how good I felt.

For breakfast I had two eggs, lunch I had homemade chicken soup, snack of walnuts and dinner was roasted salmon with quinoa and a wild greens salad and homemade roasted pepper and tomato dressing. All good stuff, nothing to feel sorry for myself about. I was never hungry, and had energy! No brain fog. My seaweed supplement tastes like ass, but again...I can do this.

Since reading In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan and watching Food Inc. I have in many ways adapted new rules for eating. Typically I watch a documentary and I get the message and move on. I read a self-help book and get it, but usually move on. However, with In Defense of Food, something real happened. I made changes in my diet that made sense to me.

In the past I would go to Weight Watchers meetings and assume that any food with the words "free" "low" or "diet" in them meant weight loss and in turn would mean good for me. What has changed for me, is that even if foods can make you lose weight it doesn't mean they are good for you. Let's face it, I could lose weight eating four snickers a day and two apples. I could lose weight eating three slices of cheese pizza and salads. I could lose weight eating two hamburgers and fries a day with diet soda. This doesn't mean it is good for me.

So when I starting thinking about it, I realized that Michael Pollan is right, our country is obsessed with nutrition and eating, yet we are the most obese. I observe what women eat, it's what I do. And I notice really strange habits to stay thin. Only eating one meal a day (usually fast food) or staying away from bread like it is the plague,  or avoiding dinner, or not eating all day and then binging at night.

Sometimes I'll have someone offer me microwave popcorn and follow with "it's the fat free kind!" or state that the salad has fat free dressing or mayonnaise or whatever in it. I see a stocking up on "diet food" to feel in control. Force feeding ourselves fat free yogurt filled with high fructose corn syrup and some form of fiber to make it healthful and yet diet friendly.

There has been an absence of real food in the American diet for over 30 years now. If we aren't eating diet fake food, we are eating processed convenience fake food. One or the other. Diet food is gross. It just is. There is nothing good about diet soda, fat free diary, or bread made in a factory. To me, there is no difference between a loaf of sara lee whole wheat bread and wonderbread. Same factory, same chemicals, same injections of fiber or vitamins. same same same. Which is why I find it so weird that so many of us are anti-bread. Bread at the supermarket, is not good and I get avoiding that, but what about real bread?

Bread that is made with flour that isn't processed, or full of the latest super-nutrient? People have been eating and surviving on bread for centuries. People without weight issues or food issues in general.

What about evil salt? did you know that you actually need the minerals in sea salt to survive? The processed salt in most snack foods combined with the other crappy ingredients make it bad.

I know I sound like I am on a high-horse about all of this, and I am not perfect. This weekend I had a halloween party and did not want to spend a lot of time cooking, so I didn't. I made black beans, rice, caramel dipped apples and had more candy to feed a whole town of tricker-treaters. And I ate and enjoyed. But, in general, when someone tells me something is good for me because it has fiber in it, or because it is "low fat", "low calorie" or "high protein" I just zone out. That train has left the station.

I believe in real food, local food, good food. I believe in fat. I believe in homemade bread. I believe in spinach salads with hard boiled eggs and local tomatoes. I only eat meat when I know the origin. I am still fat because I eat too much. And that is what I'm working on--- eating less. Not eating more "diet" food.

Follow me on twitter: @lorriebee

yesterday morning, but I hit the wrong button and it deleted and it didn't save. It was really dumb of me. Anyhow, I will rewrite and post sometime today. In the meantime I wanted to say, thank you for sticking around while I transition into new territory.

I changed my twitter user name, apparently at the wrong time because there is a twitter.com glitch preventing me from logging in. at all. And so because I'm going through twitter withdrawal, I'm using an old user name, @lorriebee if you would like to stay updated with blog happenings and general ramblings. I cannot access who I was following before, so it will be a slow update until I get everything back in order.

I left my camera at work so I was not able to share these photos when I got home last night and had my sister in law take photos of dinner, which I don't have a cord for so I will post those in my next entry.

Yesterday was special because I had cheese and butter that was purchased directly from the farmer that produced it. When I started Local Thursdays I went around to my normal stores in search for the "local" sticker and figured that cheese would be hard to come by. Most of the dairy and cheese that I do find, while they are from small sustainable farmers, seem to be in Pennsylvania or other local, but not to me places.

I spotted  block of goat feta at the Harvest Moon and was delighted to see that Sterling Bridge Farm is located in Willis about 13 miles from the town of Floyd. I found their website online at localharvest.org and sent them an email asking where I could find more of their cheese and so I was invited for a visit.

I met Randy Wednesday afternoon with Josh's sister and our nephew Dylan and he gave us the grand tour of Sterling Bridge Farm. There was so much to soak in and learn that I regretted not taking paper with me. You know when you meet someone and you are just amazed at what they do and why they do it that you just stand there staring at them listening? That was me, I tried to keep myself from saying "no way!!" over and over. I am impressed and grateful for what he does with his wife and son every single day. I also love goats even more, they are so curious.

I purchased mozzarella, soft cheddar, goat feta and butter. You can visit their website here. I hope to include more posts with in depth information about their farm, which I think you'd be interested in reading why they do what they do, where they came from before this, cheese production and the importance of what they do.

This is my only food photo for yesterday, but for breakfast I had eggs (15 miles), toast (flour, 30 miles), butter (from Sterling Bridge Dairy Farm) and bacon. The bacon is from mocksvilla, nc about 111 miles away. Still looking for bacon in Floyd.

For lunch, I wasn't hungry until about 2 so I had half of a whole wheat sandwich (local bread) with tomato (20 miles), bacon (111 miles) and cheddar from Sterling Bridge Dairy. So good!
For dinner I made bacon and onion pizza. Homemade dough by me, homemade tomato sauce, local garlic, local bacon, local onions, and mozzarella from Sterling Bridge Dairy Farm. I also had cucumbers and tomatoes from our garden and a red pepper from about 15 miles away.

There is a truth about me, that I like to deny because I always have stuff to do, but I am not a workaholic. And sometimes I wish I was and I'm not totally sure why.

I need sleep, I need time where I do nothing, and I need time alone. Those are three things that I require to function. Despite knowing this, I will pile things on my to-do list, get six hours of sleep, and continue going until I can't anymore. Why do I have the need to be lazy? Why do I need do-nothing time to sit on the couch and read?

Part of me, believes that this is normal and needed and so many people deny this aspect of themselves. And then another part of me resents it and wishes that I could do something during every waking hour of the day. I struggle with time management, which I've mentioned before, and know I'm not alone.

My before work and after work time is precious to me, but it seems that is flies by at lightening fast speed. If I get up at 5:30am and exercise until 6:15 that gives me until about 6:45 to get ready for work if I want to be there by 7. And then leave at about 3:45. Get home at 4 and have seven hours before eleven, but really should go to bed at 10.

In those hours, I always hope to accomplish: cleaning, blogging, making art, sometimes more exercise and various other projects that I like to work on. And sometimes all I seem to get done this week is: exercise, work, cooking dinner and reading. I'm trying to not feel guilty about this. I have all of these ideas about what I don't want my life to be like and a time waster and tv watcher are not one of them, yet I get tired.

I'm rambling, but to say that when I'm not blogging, I'm resting. I have so much to blog about. This week is beauty week, and with that I made my first all-afternoon salon appointment for today, which of course, I will share. I never go to the salon. I'm also taking a tour of a local dairy farm. I have pending fall fashion posts that are coming. Most of my weekend was spent creating for the arts and crafts show that is coming up in a week and a half.

So I'm here, I'm just moving at snails pace this week and taking time to do nothing which despite wishing I had boundless energy, I know that I need. Today is day nine of Jillian's 30 day shred, we're on level two. Its crazy! My scale is broken, I went from 265 to 313 to 298 to 251 this morning. I have a lot I want to share about the daily exercise, its coming too

Hey! It's here, better later than never, right? I was feeling super lethargic last night, which I will get to in a moment.

Yesterday I started my day with  Jillian Michael's 30-day shred. woot. And when I got to work I was ravenous so I peeked in my local ingredients bag and decided on eggs and locally baked whole wheat bread made with local ingredients. And then I ate it without taking a pictures, so I ate it again this morning. All in the name of taking a picture.

here it is Minus the cheese and jam that I had today and not yesterday, they are not local. The cheese is amish, but that could mean anything.

And then trouble starts, I had lunch with my co-workers, which was not at all local. Well, a local restaurant, but not local food. I caved and ate rice and beans with a guacamole salad about 10 tortilla chips. And then, I bought local ice cream and ate way too much. What was I thinking? Seriously? I actually had to melt it in water and dump it in the drain to stop eating it. The worst part? It was only partially local. It had high fructose corn syrup in the french custard base that they use. The nerve. Its my own fault though for not checking first.

For dinner I made homemade pasta with meat sauce and a side salad. If there was a book titled "how not to make tomato sauce" my sauce would go on the first page. And while it wasn't horrible and tasted (to me) pretty nice and fresh, it was not authentic in any sort of way. It was more like...salsa...heated with Italian seasoning. I used local tomatoes, garlic, and parsley blended in the food processor with a little organic olive oil, oregano, salt and pepper. The parsley was from our garden, yay for that. I cooked the meat and then added the sauce in and let simmer. Put the noodles in and there you have it.

I wasn't bad. I didn't mind it. Josh on the other hand didn't care for it at all. But, he doesn't like spaghetti or ground meats, so there's that.  For the salad I mixed dark lettuce with spinach and made a dressing of olive oil, local garlic, local pimento pepper, salt and pepper in the food processor. I really liked this and would make it again.

I also had a little local unpasteurized apple cider, but didn't take a picture of it. So that's my somewhat wobbly day of local eating.

I have a surprise for next week though...I'm visiting a local dairy farm and will have a chance to take photos, ask questions, and buy cheese and butter. I'm so excited about this and can't wait to share the experience on local Thursdays. I will definitely be more planned with my meals next week as to avoid some of yesterdays mistakes.

Cooking this way has allowed me to be more creative and inventive in the kitchen. I'm making up dishes with the ingredients that I have rather than buying the ingredients after I have a recipe, which is a fun challenge. I feel like I'm on one of those reality cooking shows. And find myself thinking "okay, I want dressing on my salad, this is what I have, how do I do this?" It's hit or miss, but fun.

Fall fashion week is not over! I still have plenty of posts coming, I just need to sit down and start churning them out! And getting ready for beauty week next week. I also finished day four this morning of the 30-day shred and have to say that I'm feeling great. We both have more energy and the movements are becoming more fluid.

Here are a couple of outfits that I came up with today using some of the inspiration from yesterday's post. I received a lovely necklace in the mail that I ordered off of etsy a couple of weeks ago and wore that all day today and based my outfit around it.

My hair is looking crazay in this picture.

I love pencil skirts! They are definitely a staple in my closet. Why? They are comfortable, flattering and I enjoy tucking shirts into them. I got this one from old navy (of course) and love it because of the wide waste band, dark denim and two button closure. I'm wearing a size 22 in this skirt and find it to be fitted, but also roomy in the waste which I like. It seems to be a little stretchy too. You can find it here.

This shirt I got recently  from avenue.com which is very hit or miss store for me. Sometimes I love their clothes and sometimes I hate them. I love this shirt though. I ordered it online and really enjoy the small gold rose buttons and somewhat fringed fabric in the ruffles and sleeves. I love the collar too. It has an old romantic feel to me which I like. This shirt is a size 18/20 and could stand to be a bit looser on me,especially in the bust. Nothing Jillian's 30 day shred can't help with. You can find it here. (ps: if you ever order from avenue.com, google "avenue coupon codes" and you can get 20% off of every item you order)

Here is a close-up of my necklace. Disregard my creepy eyes here

This is definitely a "statement" necklace, to say the least. This would go in the category of things that I think are awesome. I bought this off of etsy from a lady in canada. Her website is here. I've got my eye on her bird cameo too! If you can't tell from the photo, it is an illustration of a fox. The original sale page is here.

Here is another outfit that I put together using a new-to-me accessory: a belt! I never wear belts. ever. Actually I could make a public stance against belts. They are silly to me. Well, jeans with belts and tucked in shirts are silly to me. Or wearing a belt with jeans and your shirt tucked out seems silly as well. Then again, wearing a belt over a tank top could certainly go in the category of weird as well. Anywho, I'm liking this look a lot!

It does for me what the pencil skirt does- accentuates the waste. This tank top was purchased at old navy a couple of summers back and its very loose and flowy. I think this belt brings it in and makes it look more polished in strange way. This is a size xxl. And the belt came with a skirt that I bought about three years ago. You can see the pants, but I am wearing these skinny jeans in a size 20. They fit and are comfortable and don't look bad with this outfit, however I would think they would look just a bit better with a 10-15 lb weight loss. My camera died before I could get a better full length photo, but will take another tomorrow.

I got this sweater in Chicago at Filene's Basement. I love the mustard color and big buttons. It is a size xl and fits pretty good. I like fitted clothes, what can i say?

I'm still working on a lot of my fall fashion ideas this week so bear with me, they're a comin'! I will keep posting them as I get them done and will post ideas if I have any. If you guys are trying out new outfits, please feel free to send me an email and I will post it here.

PS: I've started the Jillian Michael's 30-day shred with my sister in law and we are heading into day three tomorrow morning. I am so sore, but it feels really good to have someone to be accountable with. She is good at sticking to things and I don't want to let her down, so it pushes me to keep with it.

I also wanted to start posting my food, I did take a couple of pictures, but will probably post them tomorrow. Today I ate: a small salad (lettuce, eggs, broccoli, tomatoes) with light ranch dressing, banana, rice , beans, salad with guacamole, salsa and about 10 tortilla chips, for dinner I made homemade pizza (the crust) with sauce, fresh mozzarella and lots of onions. I had three small slices of that.

Tomorrow is local thursday's!